The Student Room Group

Having sex with someone who is drunk

So I was just reading through this thread http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2529695 and it got me thinking. I have aways felt really uncomfortable, borderline angry, when you see in a club/party atmosphere that a person is drunk - not just tipsy, the type of drunk where you can't stand up, have the co-ordination skis of a toddler and barely even remember your own name - and someone else, catching on to how drunk they are, tries to flirt with them, to 'look after them' in a desperate attempt to pull. The whole putting your arm around them, "let's get you home" tactics. For me it's just horrible to watch a person do that, and although I'm not saying the drunk person in this situation is blameless, it's still very difficult to watch the sober girl/guy trying to take home a girl/guy that is spewing up their guts and can barely remain conscious.

Around 3 years ago when I first started drinking and couldn't really handle my drink, I ended up having two one night stands which I regret. I learnt from these incidents, and ever since then I have handled my drink responsibly and been cautious of when I've done had too much. The first ONS was my fault, I was simply really tipsy and had lost my inhibitions, and as such the blame lies on me. However the second ONS was not - I blacked out earlier in the night at a friends house party and woke up upstairs the next morning without my clothes on, there were points in the night before I blacked outwhen I couldn't even stand up, I vomited and I had clearly got myself ridiculously drunk. It is these types of situations, that when I witness at a club/party/pub where alcohol is involved, makes me feel angry and uncomfortable.

As I said earlier, I have learned from my mistakes from those 3 years ago and know my limits, but it's upsetting to think of how many predators there are who go out for the night with the purpose of having sex with someone in a nearly passed out state.

TSR, what do you think?
Is it the drunk persons responsibility to look after themselves?
Shoud people just not drink if they find themselves in these situations?
Would you, or have you ever had sex with a very drunk person?

Scroll to see replies

There is a state of drunkeness where a person lacks capacity. If a person lacks capacity they cannot consent to sex. Having sex with such a person when you still have capacity is rape.

The responsibility for the assault lies slowly with the perpetrator. Regardless of the victims reckless disregard for their own well being it is never acceptable to violate their bodily intergrity, thus rape is NEVER EVER their fault. Victim blaming excuses the perpetrators and degrades the victim.
I don't see how the second ONS is not (atleast partly) your fault. It was still you who foolishly got yourself into that vulnerable state.

If you don't want to be eaten by a wolf, don't enter the jungle. Simples.
Original post by WednesdayAddams
There is a state of drunkeness where a person lacks capacity. If a person lacks capacity they cannot consent to sex. Having sex with such a person when you still have capacity is rape.

The responsibility for the assault lies slowly with the perpetrator. Regardless of the victims reckless disregard for their own well being it is never acceptable to violate their bodily intergrity, thus rape is NEVER EVER their fault. Victim blaming excuses the perpetrators and degrades the victim.


This is not an ideal world. Predators exist. It's ultimately your responsibility to protect yourself.
Reply 4
I wouldn't have sex with a drunk person, even tipsy. I wouldn't go to such environments to pick up a ONS because you can't tell if they won't remember in the morning.
Original post by thatrollingstone
I don't see how the second ONS is not (atleast partly) your fault. It was still you who foolishly got yourself into that vulnerable state.

If you don't want to be eaten by a wolf, don't enter the jungle. Simples.


So you're saying it's acceptable for a man to rape a drunk woman since it's her fault for getting herself into that state in the first place. Does the responsibility of the rape no lie solely with the man who planned, initiated and carried it out? If you were murdered on your way to work tomorrow would it be your fault for being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Misogynist.
Original post by thatrollingstone
This is not an ideal world. Predators exist. It's ultimately your responsibility to protect yourself.

No it's THEIR responsibility not to rape you.
Original post by WednesdayAddams
So you're saying it's acceptable for a man to rape a drunk woman since it's her fault for getting herself into that state in the first place. Does the responsibility of the rape no lie solely with the man who planned, initiated and carried it out? If you were murdered on your way to work tomorrow would it be your fault for being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Misogynist.


When did I ever say it was acceptable for a man to rape a drunk woman?

Don't mix up raping someone in a conscious state to taking advantage of someone in a drunken state.

The majority of unconsented sex incidents happen under the influence of alcohol.

Lol at calling me a misogynist.
Reply 8
Original post by WednesdayAddams
There is a state of drunkeness where a person lacks capacity. If a person lacks capacity they cannot consent to sex. Having sex with such a person when you still have capacity is rape.

The responsibility for the assault lies slowly with the perpetrator. Regardless of the victims reckless disregard for their own well being it is never acceptable to violate their bodily intergrity, thus rape is NEVER EVER their fault. Victim blaming excuses the perpetrators and degrades the victim.


Not quite, it is only rape if the accused did not reasonably think that the victim was consenting. It is ver ypossible to be far to drunk to consent, but still give of the impression that you are sober enough. I think (not sure about the law exactly) that no matter how drunk you are, if you give clear consent then you have consented.
Reply 9
Original post by glousck
So I was just reading through this thread http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2529695 and it got me thinking. I have aways felt really uncomfortable, borderline angry, when you see in a club/party atmosphere that a person is drunk - not just tipsy, the type of drunk where you can't stand up, have the co-ordination skis of a toddler and barely even remember your own name - and someone else, catching on to how drunk they are, tries to flirt with them, to 'look after them' in a desperate attempt to pull. The whole putting your arm around them, "let's get you home" tactics. For me it's just horrible to watch a person do that, and although I'm not saying the drunk person in this situation is blameless, it's still very difficult to watch the sober girl/guy trying to take home a girl/guy that is spewing up their guts and can barely remain conscious.

Around 3 years ago when I first started drinking and couldn't really handle my drink, I ended up having two one night stands which I regret. I learnt from these incidents, and ever since then I have handled my drink responsibly and been cautious of when I've done had too much. The first ONS was my fault, I was simply really tipsy and had lost my inhibitions, and as such the blame lies on me. However the second ONS was not - I blacked out earlier in the night at a friends house party and woke up upstairs the next morning without my clothes on, there were points in the night before I blacked outwhen I couldn't even stand up, I vomited and I had clearly got myself ridiculously drunk. It is these types of situations, that when I witness at a club/party/pub where alcohol is involved, makes me feel angry and uncomfortable.

As I said earlier, I have learned from my mistakes from those 3 years ago and know my limits, but it's upsetting to think of how many predators there are who go out for the night with the purpose of having sex with someone in a nearly passed out state.

TSR, what do you think?
Is it the drunk persons responsibility to look after themselves?
Shoud people just not drink if they find themselves in these situations?
Would you, or have you ever had sex with a very drunk person?


If the person is too drunk to consent any sex with that person is rape. Needless to say, I would not do it.
That being said, you should look after yourself in the same way you do when you cross the road. Drivers should be alert but for your sake, look after yourself always.
Original post by WednesdayAddams
No it's THEIR responsibility not to rape you.


Is it a tiger's responsibility not to eat you if you go into the jungle unarmed?

You're assuming that every person who takes advantage of a drunk is perfectly capable of thinking morally and logically. Again, maybe in an ideal world.
Reply 11
I very nearly got raped by a former female flatmate. I was not attracted to her, I was very drunk lying down on the floor of our lounge and she dragged me all the way across the flat to her room (she was sober). I vaguely had a sense that something was wrong so I pretended to sleep. I am not even joking, I wish I was. She was later dating my other flatmate, that was a bit awkward. But I guess the guy just had no standards so that was the end of that. Maybe I am a bit naive but I just did not know how crazy she was until after that night, absolute psycho.

Edit: I found out about these two flatmates relationship after walking into them getting fully acquainted in our kitchen. Animals I tell you. Traumatic.
(edited 10 years ago)
Dont get drunk in the first place...
Reply 13
Original post by WednesdayAddams
There is a state of drunkeness where a person lacks capacity. If a person lacks capacity they cannot consent to sex. Having sex with such a person when you still have capacity is rape.

The responsibility for the assault lies slowly with the perpetrator. Regardless of the victims reckless disregard for their own well being it is never acceptable to violate their bodily intergrity, thus rape is NEVER EVER their fault. Victim blaming excuses the perpetrators and degrades the victim.


I guess we know who's studying criminology.
Original post by thatrollingstone
I don't see how the second ONS is not (atleast partly) your fault. It was still you who foolishly got yourself into that vulnerable state.

If you don't want to be eaten by a wolf, don't enter the jungle. Simples.


So if you got really drunk one night, to the point of blacking out, and you woke up naked with a sore arse if would be your fault you were raped?
Original post by thatrollingstone
When did I ever say it was acceptable for a man to rape a drunk woman?

Don't mix up raping someone in a conscious state to taking advantage of someone in a drunken state.

The majority of unconsented sex incidents happen under the influence of alcohol.

Lol at calling me a misogynist.


I think you'll find that if you took part in 'unconsented sex incident' that would legally and morally be considered rape, regardless of whether the person was drunk, conscious or unconscious.

Taking advantage of someone who is so drunk they cannot consent is rape in the eyes of the law.

Ultimately the only reason you are able to comfortably hold the opinions you do is because you are a man living in a patriarchy. The mere existence of men with insidious attitudes such as yours makes all women vulnerable, regardless of their behaviour.
Original post by WednesdayAddams
So you're saying it's acceptable for a man to rape a drunk woman since it's her fault for getting herself into that state in the first place. Does the responsibility of the rape no lie solely with the man who planned, initiated and carried it out? If you were murdered on your way to work tomorrow would it be your fault for being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Misogynist.


This argument ****s me off no end. If someone leaves their front door open and gets burgled people will tell them it's at least partly their fault for being stupid. The same applied with getting yourself in such a state that you have no idea what happened, and get taken advantage of. Whether it's rape or just a mugging, if you don't get yourself into the situation, you're so much less likely to have something nasty happen to you.
Original post by economist2
Dont get drunk in the first place...


So people should all stop getting drunk in the off chance someone rapes them. K.
Reply 18
Original post by WednesdayAddams
There is a state of drunkeness where a person lacks capacity. If a person lacks capacity they cannot consent to sex. Having sex with such a person when you still have capacity is rape.

The responsibility for the assault lies slowly with the perpetrator. Regardless of the victims reckless disregard for their own well being it is never acceptable to violate their bodily intergrity, thus rape is NEVER EVER their fault. Victim blaming excuses the perpetrators and degrades the victim.

Yes, this is what everyone says. But, you know, some people can be quite wasted and still seem okay. And at what point do you become too drunk? It's not like we can breathalyse people to see how many units they've had. Usually the other person is drunk too, so how do you decide whether they're okay to consent? There are black and white scenarios, certainly. But I find most of this to be a very grey area.

Frankly, I don't really care though, as I don't have any sympathy with someone that's allowed themselves to get into this drunken state. Whether they've been robbed, injured, raped or died; if they're stupid enough to get themselves into a situation like that, then natural selection deserves to take them away
Reply 19
I only have sex when drunk

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