The Student Room Group

Heartbroken

My parents have found out about me and my boyfriend today and being a part of an asian family, I am being forced to end a three and a half year relationship. My boyfriend was aware of this when my parents found out (early afternoon) and he has gone to plan his holiday with his friends. I called him when my parents told me to end it with him but he didn't pick up and so i called his friend. When he finally picked up, i begged him to come and see me for the last time. His response was that he can't because he is at central london trying to sort out his friend's visa because apparently theres a problem with it. I'm so hurt. I asked him to f**k his friend as I am more important but no...

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You would end a three and a half year relationship because of your parents? Right, so you're annoyed he's putting his friends first here, but you're putting your parents first...he's probably more hurt that you could ever realise and seeing you one last time would be harder for him than not seeing you! If you really love him, then love should conquer all. You've been with him long enough...why put all thos years of happiness to waste!?
I Totally Agree With The Previous Post. F^&* Your Parents!
Reply 3
Its over, deal with it.
Reply 4
It's over.
Reply 5
Just because you're part of an Asian family does not mean you have to have your life ruled by your parents. Maybe that's what your culture says but it is not the be all and end all, you don't have to have the same culture your whole life if you don't want, be your own person. If you love him then tell your parents you are going to stay with him because you love him. If they really love you then surely they'll understand or at least be sympathetic - 3 and a half years is a long time. Or move out?
Reply 6
Fight the power! Stick it to the man!

Seriously, what rational reason do your parents give for forcing you to break up with him? Are your parents planning an arranged marriage for you?
dude. that's it? you're not gonna fight your parents? good grief.
I'm Asian too, but my parents aren't too iffy about relationships with a different race.
even if they were, I'd fight till I have absolutely no choice.
Reply 8
My parents won't listen to anything. And if i want to live under their roof i have to follow their rules. I'm not allowed to go out and my mobile has been taken. I know hes not hurt because i have to obey my parents because he understands as his parents are worse! the point is that he chose his friends over me. it makes me feel used and abused. now my parents want his home number to contact his parents and because hes chosen his friends over me, i want to give it to them. but is that the right to do? i mean, if i'm getting done then he should get done too considering his mates are so important to him.
Reply 9
if you really loved him you wouldn't want him to get into trouble. revenge is the wrong way to deal with a split up
Reply 10
Well where are you? if he is in central london sorting out a Visa, which is kind of important and your over the other side of the country, then you have to understand it from his point of view, if he is doing something that is important then you should understand this. Im sorry but i think your being quite selfish, if your parents are so harsh then are they going to let him see you for one last time????
Reply 11
No. That is not the right thing to do. Have you also considered the possibility that he thinks it would be too painful to see you right now? Grow up. Also everyone needs to make their own life and their own choices. Do you want to let your parents dictate your life? Who cares what they think. You need to make them see it from your point of view, and if they dont who cares? Its your life.

How old are you?
Anonymous
My parents won't listen to anything. And if i want to live under their roof i have to follow their rules. I'm not allowed to go out and my mobile has been taken. I know hes not hurt because i have to obey my parents because he understands as his parents are worse! the point is that he chose his friends over me. it makes me feel used and abused. now my parents want his home number to contact his parents and because hes chosen his friends over me, i want to give it to them. but is that the right to do? i mean, if i'm getting done then he should get done too considering his mates are so important to him.


Bloody hell, this is eerily like me :eek: If you don't want to break up with him and you really can see yourself together, then stay with him! He probably wanted to avoid you because he didn't want to face up to the fact that you could be breaking up. I still see my boyfriend, but without my parents' knowledge. They took away my phone and restricted me to going nowhere and I was grounded for ages. However, my bf and I are willing to try and make our relationship work and when I go to university, we'll have more freedom in that area. How old are you? Don't give your parents his number just because you want to get back at him, as this is what it seems like you're trying to do. He probably did make an on the spot decision, but I think you should talk to him first in a situation where he's not pressured and busy.
Anyway, good luck. If you're dead serious about this relationship, then as others have said f%$& your parents.
Anonymous
And if i want to live under their roof i have to follow their rules. .

I totally agree with that statement. I don't agree with them breaking up with your relationship, however who am I to intrude on a cultural or religious difference.
Reply 14
Anonymous
My parents have found out about me and my boyfriend today and being a part of an asian family, I am being forced to end a three and a half year relationship. My boyfriend was aware of this when my parents found out (early afternoon) and he has gone to plan his holiday with his friends. I called him when my parents told me to end it with him but he didn't pick up and so i called his friend. When he finally picked up, i begged him to come and see me for the last time. His response was that he can't because he is at central london trying to sort out his friend's visa because apparently theres a problem with it. I'm so hurt. I asked him to f**k his friend as I am more important but no...

Just listen to your parents, afterall they are doing the right thing. Its part of your culture. What race was your BF? and Why the hell did you keep it a secret from your parents for 3.1/2 yrs? seriously that's ****ed up being your culture/religion n’ all. Your BF is right not to see you (he shouldn’t have seen you for that long anyway) you broke the household rules! and you are just being selfish now that you want to get revenge, ect. I have no sympathy for you.
Reply 15
I would not worry about it, there are plently of more chances to date. Your young, when you go to uni you will have more chances to date guys that your famliy "does not approve of". Everything will be fine.
I think you're in the wrong for hiding it from your parents tbh.
Reply 17
BlackHawk
I think you're in the wrong for hiding it from your parents tbh.


If she tells her parents they will not allow her to date. So if she wants to date she needs to hide it away from her parents. I know it may be wrong, but i understand why she does it, i am Indain my famliy is like that.

I would not tell my parents that if i started to date a guy without thier knowlege, i don't have that kind of relationship with them to tell them, who i am going out with.

To the op, i understand everything your going thru, I hope everthing turns out okay for you.
Reply 18
Join the club... my bf is asian n so am i. my parents r ok with it; his werent. they made us split n he just sent a txt to say sth like "i'm sorry" "its over" "do not reply". we patched up a few months later n now its on the sly...

but i understand the concept of not being able to go against ur parents. its just the way things have been taught to us since birth... i dont blame u for doing as they say, there;s no way of standing up to them really... but dont take it out on him. as someone said in an earlier post, if u really loved him, u would want to protect him no matter what.....

anyhow, i hope it turns out ok, n that once at uni n away from ur parents, u'll find it easier to stand up to them over these matters (although b careful; i've seen ppl disowned from their asian parents for marrying without consent, even in the same community :frown: good luck)
Reply 19
789654123
Just listen to your parents, afterall they are doing the right thing. Its part of your culture. What race was your BF? and Why the hell did you keep it a secret from your parents for 3.1/2 yrs? seriously that's ****ed up being your culture/religion n’ all. Your BF is right not to see you (he shouldn’t have seen you for that long anyway) you broke the household rules! and you are just being selfish now that you want to get revenge, ect. I have no sympathy for you.


Your problem. You have no idea what it is like for me. Are you asian? Some asian parents are very strict. And my bf is the best thing that has ever happened to me which is why i kept it a secret. anyway, its none of your business really, my problem hasnt got anything to do with lying to my parents.
Lyndzxx
If she tells her parents they will not allow her to date. So if she wants to date she needs to hide it away from her parents. I know it may be wrong, but i understand why she does it, i am Indain my famliy is like that.

I would not tell my parents that if i started to date a guy without thier knowlege, i don't have that kind of relationship with them to tell them, who i am going out with.

To the op, i understand everything your going thru, I hope everthing turns out okay for you.


Thanks babe.




And thanks to all your replies...