The Student Room Group

scared to be happy but hate having depression?

I've had depression pretty much my whole life, but it's been particularly bad the last two years. I've came through the worst of it (i hope!), except...

It's gotten to a point when i'm almost scared to let myself be happy about anything now, something happened to me recently, without going in to too much detail, which should have made me ecstatic but I just can't let myself be happy about it, i'm too scared that it'll go wrong and i'll be back to being even more miserable again. I'm so scared of being back in that absolutely horrendous dark place that I won't let myself be happy about anything in case i'm let down. I'm quite unstable emotionally anyway, it doesn't take much to upset me but this is a pretty big thing in my life that i've wanted for so long, but now that it's happened i'm just convinced that if i let myself be happy i'll end up being let down.

But then at the same time I know it's stupid because I'm essentially making myself be miserable just to stop me becoming even worse if that makes sense...

am I the only one who does this?
Reply 1
Avatar for superwolf
superwolf
18
:nah: That is entirely the depression talking. I've felt the exact same thing before when just coming to the other side of a depressive episode - I'd feel a bit happy, then feel guilty, then wonder if I wasn't better off just getting worse and worse until I'd ______ (y'know :colondollar:). This is not you, and this is not right - you deserve to be happy, and you can be happy, so don't let the illness control you! :smile:

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you