Social anxiety Watch

Socially.weird
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#1
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#1
Basically wasting my life away at uni because of such bad social skills. The fear is taking over and the harder I try the worse it gets. I find it hard to be myself in public situations where I don't know a lot of the people, so in uni settings or class settings I really struggle. Have basically missed most of my lectures just because I'm scared. I don't mix about much. I tried to during freshers but never worked out well. I don't really care anymore about making friends. I have a girlfriend who loves me and I'm more than happy just having the one person. I just feel like the fear is stopping my progress in terms of my studies. I'm pretty smart. Not a genius or anything Haha but decent. But my fear of public settings especially class, where we have to contribute or give presentations is holding me back big time. I don't know why I'm posting this I know the responses will just tend to tell me to to get a grip and grow up. Ah man I guess I'm just feeling hopeless.. Honestly feel like I'm disabled or something. Mentally physically emotionally can't take it anymore...
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iBeAmber
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You've already jumped over a hurdle by expressing this, sometimes I feel the same way, but then I realise that I'd more than likely regret the things I didn't do when I had the chance to because we're not going to be this young forever, and we may not get the same option. Try socialising with your girlfriend and her friends... Just get yourself out there, one friend at a time maybe?

No harm in trying!
Good luck,

Amber x
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sheergravy
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I agree with iBeAmber.

I have been in the same situation as you until very recently: anxious about classes, especially presentations or being picked on to speak, nervous about meeting new people but totally comfortable with the person you're in a relationship with.

Can I ask - have you felt like this for a long time or has something specific knocked your confidence?

I'm getting better with these things so I wanted to share a few things which have helped me.

Do you enjoy your course - are there classes you like more than others? I suggest (before the year goes on and you withdraw further from classes) that you set an attainable goal for each week. I realise this sounds a bit lame but bear with me! I started by trying to talk to the person next to me before class, just about usual things to do with the course and the workload. That way you feel more part of the class before it even starts, people will always make conversation and be happy to talk. I wouldn't say this is about trying to make friends, just as a means to feel more comfortable in the class. I even told one girl that I felt quite nervous, we're really close now and it helped to get to know someone and became an incentive to go to class and helped me to relax knowing a friendly face. That's another thing, I know it is so difficult, but please please try not to miss class. I did that, getting worked up about small things like opening the door when you don't know if class has started, where to sit and so on and it's the worst. Don't deny yourself everything that your course can offer, it will make it so much harder to feel better.

I moved on to expressing agreement with someone's point when it seemed appropriate. Again, this depends on the type of class, but in discussions it is a significant contribution to show agreement, even just by saying 'yeah' or nodding. I hope this doesn't seem patronising because it helped me make steps towards contributing even further.

I would also recommend speaking to your tutors personally. I don't know the structure of your course, but when I had essays to write it was common to go and see the tutor to discuss it. I used this as an opportunity (as opposed to going specifically to talk about being nervous) to mention it along with essay plans. That way your tutor will see that you care about the course but also know your situation, and hopefully know to not pick on you in the future.

I know how great it is to have one person you're comfortable with, it's the best. If you have to do presentations for class, try to practice and prepare with your girlfriend. I purposefully skipped a class when presentations were due and I regret it.

It's not about getting a grip and growing up, as you say. Just try small things, having someone you love to talk to is invaluable in this process. It seems like you are capable in your chosen course so you deserve to do as best you can with it. I hope this helps, I have no idea if you'd want to, but feel free to ask anything else. Reading your post was like reading how I felt a few months ago.
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johnh1983
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the only way to get better at something you're bad at is to practice it.

Seriously! Dip your toe in and you'll see the water is warm. Like people in General don't bite! A good social practice (I'm serious about this) is just to go somewhere public and starting asking random people if they have the time (take any watch off and turn your cell phone off lol)....nobody is gonna rip your head off and nobody is gonna look at you weird, they'll go on about their day.....you have to just keep teling yourself "so what" and go enjoy yourself man....life's too short!
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Socially.weird
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The weird thing is my girlfriend is weird too! She is just like me but she isn't scared of speaking. For her, she just chooses not to get involved because she does not enjoy it. For me, I enjoy it. I used to have so many friends and everything was good. Then I moved away from home all alone at 16 and suddenly I had to learn to make friends. The world I knew just changed completely. I know it may not seem so hard and everyone just says to say hi or start small. I'm not necessarily afraid of speaking. I specifically get nervous in formal situations like in a class or giving a speech or reciting a poem or something. Or talking In a group. I feel like I need to like go to therapy or something but I really don't have the time. Anyway thank you so much for replying. May not seem like much but it means the world to me. As cheesy as that sounds. Thanks!
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Socially.weird
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I never was like this though. I mean I used to get slightly nervous for class work but nothing intense. But ever since I moved everything changed. I had no friends and had to adapt to a whole new life without any friends or my parents. Sixth form was so hard. I bunked maybe 100lessons because I knew some sort of talking was involved. I got all A's though. Uni is just in another level. Like the teachers expect us to be all mature and stuff. And I'm still a kid. Or at least I feel like one. I work quite a lot. Not because I want to, but I need to. That way I'm always tired even when I do go in. And my excuse for not going in is I'm tired. But I know that's just me brushing it off. Thanks for your replies and advice. I really appreciate it. Sometimes you just need that kick to help you. I know what I need to do. But doing it is becoming harder each day. As easy as it seems I feel stressed everyday. My girlfriend lives across the world. So that doesn't help. So I'm basically a loner. Ironically I used to be the most popular guy in my previous school in my hometown. Haha man I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Thank you for taking time out to reply. It honestly means more to me than a thousand bacon sandwiches. And that is Alot. Haha thanks a banks
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BlessingBlessed
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Glossophobia, Fear of Public Speaking. Do search on this topic in Google. Try to overcome your fear because you're wasting your precious time and a great chance to make your future bright. Don't forget to read article on "How to overcome your fear of Public Speaking" in WikiHow. Hope it helps!Don't Be Afraid of anyone Be A Man!! Just don't care about anyone and anything. @Johnh1983, I agree with you!
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nocoolusername
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(Original post by BlessingBlessed)
Glossophobia, Fear of Public Speaking. Do search on this topic in Google. Try to overcome your fear because you're wasting your precious time and a great chance to make your future bright. Don't forget to read article on "How to overcome your fear of Public Speaking" in WikiHow. Hope it helps!Don't Be Afraid of anyone Be A Man!! Just don't care about anyone and anything. @Johnh1983, I agree with you!
You got glossophobia from the google nexus 7 ad

Posted from TSR Mobile
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Socially.weird
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I was always nervous even as a kid. But moving away from home at 16 all alone to an entire new world was just overwhelming. Like I had never even seen a 3d movie. Or been to an actual cinema. Haha so everything was new. It's not that I can't make friends. I am capable of socialising. But it's just the class setting and university I struggle with. Like for example at work I make lots of friends. But yet at uni even finding one person is tough. But this is not really of major concern. I just want to be able to fit in you know? Like just not have constant thoughts in my mind. Being scared all the time like I'm some sort of weird creature. I know it's all just my thoughts and my own mind doing this. But it's just impossible to stop. Like I feel like my mind is someone else and I'm someone else. I'm my own worst nightmare. How can I just be able to give presentations without any fear? They say repetition is key and the fear will just go the more you do it. But for me it's quite the opposite. I mean I realise that no one really cares by the end of it but then I hate having to feel so uncomfortable. If I'm being honest I feel like most humans have evolved but I have remained in my tribal state. Like even as a kid I could hold a snake or stand by a lion and have no fear what so ever. But put me in a crowded room with even the slightest of attention on me and I feel like I'm in hell. Do you guys feel anything similar? Sorry for going on and on about it. I know people have it worse and I should be grateful for what I have. Life is just so stressful. The little things in life, which for most people is not even a thought, is my worst nightmare.
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Socially.weird
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Haha iv Googled it. Like consciously I know what I have to do. Like I literally know and have researched into everything I can do. But when it comes down to doing it I shi1 bricks
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scrotgrot
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It's very, very hard to do on your own. You have to "research into everything" before you do it, but in so doing you put pressure on yourself to meet your targets, whereas normal people just converse with no particular goal in mind, they're not constantly checking themselves. Don't set yourself targets like that. Instead, make your target "I will be there for class 5 minutes early" and then when the next student turns up you will have to talk to them to avoid awkwardness. Don't feel that talking about the course or work is boring either. Don't censor yourself.
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BlessingBlessed
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Raise your hand and ask questions or answer to Professor's questions during Lecture. Presentation is another thing and discussion in class is something else. What the extreme would happen? Your teacher would insult you and your classmates jeer at you? Your teacher would ask you you to get out of the classroom? Where is the big issue? Let it happen ... Actually you care about your ego more than anything else. When we try to climb a mountain we at least move 3 to 4 steps forward, don't we? Participate in discussion at any cost. It can help you to improve. Don't know how many times you give presentation.


Happy to read that you get A grade in class but during discussion you get D grade. Be brave and Motivate yourself!
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VDW
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not many people are themselves when they're around lots of people whom they do not know. your lack of contact with people has given you these strange notions which appear to be compounding your discontent; you need to get into the habit of socialising--in whatever form you can cope with ATM--in order to 'educate' yourself.

btw, people generally get on well with weirdos (it's generally regarded as a sign of integrity).
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Socially.weird
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#14
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Thanks so much for all the advice. Just being able to talk about it makes it feel much more easier. So really thank you all for taking time out to respond. I agree, I got to get out more. I play football so I generally make friends through that which is simple enough. Socialising is not so hard if it's activity based. But In a classroom or just university in general I seem to struggle. It's not so much about making friends. I'm content with my girl and the few good friends I got. I just don't like the stress I put myself under everyday over stuff that doesn't exist. Like half of the stuff I get anxious about is all in my mind. So it's up to me to change the way I think and could do that through going out more and stuff. But the question I ask is, is my way of being just nature? Like am I just naturally scared or was I conditioned to feel this way? I am too self conscious and sensitive. That's my problem. I guess many people are but I'm on another level. During presentations I can't be formal at all . I tend to be awkward and usually people laugh. Haha which is cool. I enjoy making people smile. So I guess there is nothing to worry about. I shall start attending uni more often and see how things pan out. Really appreciate all the replies. Thank you so much. May as well have saved my life and changed the direction I was going. So for that, I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. Consider yourself a modern superhero.
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