i've been so distressed lately... i've been through a lot emotionally and am still going through it, hoping that i will pull through all of this and that results will be for the better.
it's a problem of sleep really. this many not make much sense, but grrr... i want to sleep. i want to get away from what's bothering me for a while and sleep. but i just can't! my situation is consuming me. i want to sleep but i don't want to. and when i sleep i have nightmares about it. it's like some kind of grotesque cycle. i want to sleep but i don't want to be awake from these thoughts. and even if i do sleep, i just wake up to another depressing day. it's like i can't even function. i'm going to start doing a lot of activities in the day, but i know that at night it's still going to eat me away until i decomposeeeeee. maybe sleep will help the days pass but i just don't know... blahhhh i don't know anymore....
sorry. that probably sounded like a load of rubbish to you all. blah blah. sleep sleep. to die, to sleep.. to sleep - perchance to dream. ay, there's the rub.
update on the sleep situation:
i've tried reading (read 2 pinter plays), i've tried working out really hard in the day so that i get tired at night.. tried sleeping pills.. tried getting drunk (which usually makes me sleep) and i still can't do it. i've been eating healthily except for the excessive amount of fags (they calm me down) and drinking loads of water.. but i still haven't slept in exactly 38.5 hours.. and during the last 12 hours, i've been trembling quite violently whenever i sit still or lie down. i'm absolutely exhausted, but not a bit sleepy..