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Sleeping over with boyfriend

Reply 20

strawberry

my ex stayed over before on my mom's invitation cos the Christmas party that we had went up till 2am. He stayed in my brother's room though, which was on the other side of the house. LOL in the morning, however, I so "happened" to be in the study next to my brother's room. :p:

but anyway, parents are usually quite liberal if you discuss stuff with them properly and maturely.

It depends on the parents! As a child of immigrants from Nigeria, my parents will never be liberal on that stuff, ever. I do what I want when I'm at uni, but at home, I can barely do anything. Mind you, I'm 22 and just graduated from undergrad!
I'm sure a lot of Asian kids have the same exact issue.
My friends whose parents weren't African or Asian immigrants usually could do way more than I could :frown:

Reply 21

strawberry

13

I'm Asian.

Reply 22

SexyKe

1

I asked my mum and Dad when I turned 16 although i had been sneakily doing it before then with my boyfriend and i dont think i was as sneaky as I thought lol. Before that my boyf used to sleep in spare room if he needed to stay over. My dad said that when he was away Dan could stay over in my bed but if dad was in the house then spare room still. (it was his house not my mums really and he didnt want it rubbing in his face. My mum wasnt too bothered as I had been with dan about a year already so it wasnt like i was putting out really early or anything.

About three months after my birthday the whole spare room when dads in thing went out the window when my dad was drunk and told dan to sleep in my room! And after that it was ok.

The funniest thing was my dad didnt want his mum (my nan) to know so the first time we went to hers without my dad being there we slept in seperate rooms the first night but then she made a massive deal about how we should be sleeping in the same room (very cringey!) Now whenever we go, reguardless of whos there we get to sleep together.

I think the most important thing is to be upfront with your parents, even though my dad culd be really harsh on me I found that asking meant he could set boundaries which he would then move when he felt comfortable. For gods sake he was even really good about me smoking which threw me completely!

Reply 23

Talya

16

katie_m4

Yea we've been together about 2 and a half years, so he's not a newbie.

I've been with my bf about the same length of time and the way I did it was just keep asking (say, once a week) until my mum finally said yes.

shady lane

I'm sure a lot of Asian kids have the same exact issue.

My dad was indian but he died so it's just my mum and I, she lets me stay over at my boyfriend's (reluctantly) but I'm sure if my dad was about I'd be home by 10 every night :biggrin:

Reply 24

BlackHawk

17

Helenia

I didn't have such a tricky situation as you because I was 21 before I had a boyfriend who needed to stay over (we live ~3 hours apart in holidays so day trips aren't really practical!) I went to his on the first trip, and although his mum made us sleep in separate bedrooms that time, she's since let us share the spare room on the grounds that we sleep together at uni anyway so there's no point restricting us at home. My house doesn't have a spare room, so when he came to stay at mine I did check with my parents that it was ok. They did briefly suggest that my sister move into my room and he went in her room (which is tiny) but I pointed out he was probably too tall for her bed and it would just be awkward all round. Since then it's been fine and he stays on a chairbed on my floor.

:dito:

Some parents can be quite traditional about the whole thing too. It's not always appropriate, and just because you're 2 years over the legal age doesn't mean it is right in their eyes. I'd follow Helenias advice to the letter if I were you. She speaks a lot of sense. I was only allowed a guy to stay round when I was 22 and engaged to him. Even then it was spare rooms :wink:

Reply 25

Jen2327

1

i had my first boyfriend 2 stay when i was 16, my parents dont really have a problem, although im 18 now, they make my boyfriend stay in the spare room, which doesnt really bother either of us, because its normally wen we been out and we role in at 4 kinda thing, lol, my parents say they jst dont like the thought of what we wud b doing and dont wanna lie in bed wondering. My parents both no weresleeping togther, and they no i stay in my boyfriends room at his house, and we jst been on holiday for a week 2gether last week in corfu and new we had a double room.
so basically its jst the thought of it under there roof if anything!
jst ask if they say no they say no.. dont u have a spare room cos u can always argue that!
xx

Reply 26

pumpkin7

13

my boyfriend stays over and we stay in the same bed.

i think i just asked my parents the once and they said it's fine as long as you sleep in seperate rooms.. which was fine. now they don't care.. not that we could do anything anyway. the walls in my house are like paper... you can hear everything.

:smile:

Reply 27

clouddweller

I just asked; granted the first time i didnt give them much time to think :p:

they said yes though. First time was separate rooms, now it kind of depends whether both parentals are here or if my dad is for some reason away; he's a bit more protective and conservative...
on the whole though i was surprised that they even said yes; ask, you might be surprised too :smile:

Reply 28

so_this_is_sam

3

Ive never actually asked my parents to let any of my boyfriends stay here i dont think, i always stayed at theirs, or elsewhere! The occasions that they have stayed here my parents have been away, arent in, or just didnt know i had my boyfriend with me in the night (come in late, theyre in bed, get up and go to work early..dont even realise) lol. Im not actually sure how they would react if i asked, i think they prefer not to know if im honest!

Reply 29

sssh

10

Aaaagh. Edited out because I was embarassed upon re-reading.

Reply 30

sssh

10

Erm...that post was a bit more open than I'd usually write on the internet. In answer to your question, I would never hope to have my boyfriend stay over at my house. I wouldn't want to, anyway. Not that it's any problem - his parents have a house in the South and go there most weekends. It's awkward telling my parents I'm staying over; what I do is warn them earlier that I might and then ring at about midnight to tell them I definitely am.

Reply 31

Anthonyjm71

9

Best to talk to each other about it and both sets of parents and then take it from there , if you 18 or over then it more up to you both. More than your parents and if you both feel strongly ,about each other.Then take from there and see how it goes!!

Reply 32

kerberos

I'm 22 and don’t expect to have any boyfriend of mine stay over until I get my own place (no ifs and buts). My parents would think that I’d fallen and bumped my head if I did ask them.

Reply 33

Andy Spark

1

kerberos

I'm 22 and don’t expect to have any boyfriend of mine stay over until I get my own place (no ifs and buts). My parents would think that I’d fallen and bumped my head if I did ask them.

if I was 22, my parents would think that I'd fallen and bumped my head if I thought I still had to ask them if my girlfriend could sleep over too. :p:

But seriously, that restricted? That must suck.

Reply 34

Friggerpants

1

Clarence

What an anti-climax that must have been. No pun intended.

This little beauty went un-noticed.

I'd give you rep for the subtlety, but alas, Negative rep went out earlier to a kid calling me names.

Reply 35

shady lane

16

strawberry

I'm Asian.

Yeah well you're in Japan right? I'm sure if my family had stayed in Nigeria I'd have way more freedom! My cousins over there go clubbing and whatnot freely. But immigrant kids tend to have strict parents, they think American/British culture will corrupt or whatever :frown:

Reply 36

sparkle86

11

Hi.

Well when I was about 14/15 I would always ask my mum if when I got a bf, he could sleep over and she would always say no because her and my dad didnt really like the thought of it because they knew we wouldnt sleep even though I said we would.

Anyway, along came the bf 4 years later and I asked again but again they'd say no so I left it. I slept over at my bfs house 1 week after we met and i've slept over there most of the week ever since. We've been told a couple of times about our noisy sex by his parents and his elder sister. Most of the time his parents laugh at it. But I try to keep the noise down.

Anyway, my parents had just got back off their holiday about a month ago and my bf was at my house so i asked my mum if he could stay over (expecting her to say no) and she said ok then as long as u dont do anything.

I was really surprised but its better as we can spend more time at home with my family. Then i dont have to drive my bf home. Now i just pre-warn them that we're coming home and they know that he's staying so its all good. :smile:

Just ask them and if they say no then u have to accept it because to be honest, id probably feel a bit uncomfortable if my daughter had her bf sleeping over.

Heck id feel uncomfortable if my sister had a bf sleeping over, not something id feel good about. I know shes only 14 at the moment but even if she was 16/17/18, or any age up to about 25 i guess. I dunno, it just is a bit odd and uneasy I think.

Karen.

Reply 37

Kate.

15

I've been allowed stay at boyfriends and vice versa since I was 16...my parents are pretty laid-back. Most my friends have been allowed to since they were 16 though, too.

Reply 38

G4Z

I have ultra liberal parents aswell. First time my girlfrend stayed the night my parents didint find out until the morning as it was after a party and stuff and they didint care. The second time i asked and they didint mind but in the morning i ended up in an awkward sex talk with my mum lol but in a way its gr8 that both my parents and my girlfrends parents know becuase now we can stay together no questions asked.

Reply 39

kerberos

My parents aren’t strict as such, as they haven’t said no. But my parents and I don’t really have conversations about boyfriends and anything to do with them. I don’t think they want to know, as they never ask. Considering, I’ve only had one bf and we only went out for 4 months the issue hasn’t really come up.

Sleeping over with boyfriend

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