Marriage in modern society?

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Scienceisgood
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#1
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#1
Hey Guys;

Well, I was just wondering about people's views on marriage and how if people love each other, it is kind of "expected" they get married at some point in their lives. So, do you believe marriage is something people have simply left in the past or do you think it is an important step in a relationship?

I suppose an example would be if 2 people find each other and fall in love (perhaps have a child, biological, through adoption, whatever means...) do you believe according to society, they should marry or just remain as they are?

Personally, I view marriage as outdated because I don't see how having a ceremony makes your relationship status any more meaningful and therefore you shouldn't marry just to help prove something.

You?
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Viva Emptiness
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#2
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#2
(Original post by Scienceisgood)
Hey Guys;

Well, I was just wondering about people's views on marriage and how if people love each other, it is kind of "expected" they get married at some point in their lives. So, do you believe marriage is something people have simply left in the past or do you think it is an important step in a relationship?

I suppose an example would be if 2 people find each other and fall in love (perhaps have a child, biological, through adoption, whatever means...) do you believe according to society, they should marry or just remain as they are?

Personally, I view marriage as outdated because I don't see how having a ceremony makes your relationship status any more meaningful and therefore you shouldn't marry just to help prove something.

You?
Do people actually get married because they feel they have to prove something to someone else?

I firmly believe in marriage and not from a religious stand point. Obviously I have nothing against people who don't feel the same way, it's their life and they're free to live it however they please, but to me marriage represents a special commitment you make to each other that you don't to anyone else. Anyone can casually say "I want to be with you forever" but it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Actually taking that step to show it solidifies this sentiment IMO. Purely from a psychological stand point, I think a relationship is a lot easier to walk out on than a marriage, you've made important vows to someone else and you owe it to them to always try and work things out.

Ugh, I'm not articulating myself very well because it's an emotive subject and my opinions are purely emotional about the issue, so I guess you'll never really change my mind, and I won't change yours!
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lucine.B
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Scienceisgood)
Hey Guys;

Well, I was just wondering about people's views on marriage and how if people love each other, it is kind of "expected" they get married at some point in their lives. So, do you believe marriage is something people have simply left in the past or do you think it is an important step in a relationship?

I suppose an example would be if 2 people find each other and fall in love (perhaps have a child, biological, through adoption, whatever means...) do you believe according to society, they should marry or just remain as they are?

Personally, I view marriage as outdated because I don't see how having a ceremony makes your relationship status any more meaningful and therefore you shouldn't marry just to help prove something.

You?
Um...I never realized marrying someone meant you were proving something. I would never marry to prove anything. I'd only marry because I truly want to. In any case it really depends on what marriage means to a person. To many its more than a relationship status, its a profession of ones love. Marriage is meant to be a life long commitment, with marriage you are showing the other person that you are truly committed to them, want to spend the rest of your life with them and whatever else is mentioned in the vows. Its nothing to do with proof. I guess it just symbolizes a love from one person to another, that its only them and no one else. I think it can make people feel special knowing that... imo anyways.
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Mackay
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Viva Emptiness)
Purely from a psychological stand point, I think a relationship is a lot easier to walk out on than a marriage, you've made important vows to someone else and you owe it to them to always try and work things out.
Completely agree. Marriage isn't for everyone - more and more couples are avoiding it - but I don't think anyone goes into a wedding thinking they are proving themselves to society/their community etc.

I also don't believe in marriage from a religious standpoint - like many people - which is why gay marriage isn't even a debate for me. Marriage involves two parties who are committed to sharing, loving and spending the rest of their lives together regardless of gender.
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Stanno
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#5
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#5
I tend to see it as something done to celebrate your relationship with your friends and family and let them know how serious your relationship is. Sort of like how celebrating a birthday doesn't effect the fact that you've aged a year, but does remind you of that fact.
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Quilverine
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Stanno)
I tend to see it as something done to celebrate your relationship with your friends and family and let them know how serious your relationship is. Sort of like how celebrating a birthday doesn't effect the fact that you've aged a year, but does remind you of that fact.
Good take, I kind of think the same.

For a modern commitment a mortgage and children are probably more binding than a marriage but it's nice to celebrate a relationship in a formal way and the idea of having a husband seems lovely to me. I'm a bit old to be introducing someone as a "boyfriend" for much longer!
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0le
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#7
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#7
I fail to understand how people see marriage without any religious aspect. The whole point of marriage, from a historical perspective, was to bind two people together spiritually. Its rather strange to me to read people say marriage should show love, care and commitment when these things should be in a long-term relationship anyway. I can understand why people might marry for the financial security, but to marry for "love and commitment" or to hear those "vows" I just don't understand at all. Why would someone feel the vows are special unless they symbolize something? And if people do think they symbolize something, its only a derivative on some form of spirituality, however you want to spin it.
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Scienceisgood
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#8
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#8
Where are people quoting the word "proving" from, I never used it anywhere? :confused:
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Mockery
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#9
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#9
Marriage means very little to me. It just appears to be a very, very expensive romantic gesture.
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tazarooni89
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#10
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#10
Marriage is a universally understood, legally binding contract. If two people are married, one of them is never going to need to say to the other "so where is this going?".

With other relationships, the distinction between "dating", and "seeing" each other, and "going out" with each other, and being boyfriend and girlfriend, and knowing when you're "exclusive", and being in a committed relationship, and being in a long term relationship are all extremely blurred. People are always sort of "hinting" that they want to be, or feel that they are at the next step, people get afraid because they're not sure they're "ready' for the next step etc. One of the purposes of marriage is simply to put pen to paper, spell out the relationship in a formal and clear manner, and there's no room for ambiguity as a result.


The other thing is that, it essentially makes both parties to the relationship put their money where their mouth is. Anyone can say that they're totally committed to each other. But it's a way of showing to your partner, and to yourself that you're genuinely confident in yourself when you say that. Getting out of a relationship is easy. All you have to do is say "it's over". Getting out of a marriage is much more time consuming and costly, and there are all sorts of legal issues to iron out. If you're getting married, you're going to need to be pretty sure that you don't plan to end the relationship any time soon.

A long time ago, society followed the idea that you cannot have a sexual or romantic relationship without being married first. Why did this change, if nobody had a problem with marrying everyone first, before being in a relationship with them? The whole point of just being "boyfriend and girlfriend" rather than married, the reason why this concept began to exist in the first place, was because this relationship is easy to get out of, and the couple wanted to be in a relationship despite not being sure that they intended it to last forever.
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Stanno
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#11
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#11
(Original post by djpailo)
I fail to understand how people see marriage without any religious aspect. The whole point of marriage, from a historical perspective, was to bind two people together spiritually.
Well, actually I'd argue that marriage was historically about forging bonds between different tribes and families to try and reduce conflict and aid stability, but I agree that the actual ceremony and such has always had spiritual connotations.

(Original post by djpailo)
Its rather strange to me to read people say marriage should show love, care and commitment when these things should be in a long-term relationship anyway.
Agreed, but that's what I mean when I say marriage is for other people. They might not be aware of the level of love, care and commitment in your relationship, hence getting married would signify that to them.

(Original post by djpailo)
I can understand why people might marry for the financial security, but to marry for "love and commitment" or to hear those "vows" I just don't understand at all. Why would someone feel the vows are special unless they symbolize something?
Well, if the vows themselves aren't spiritual (ie. no religious elements) then they still have plenty of meaning for everyone (ie. till death do us part, and all that stuff). The point of them in the context of a marriage ceremony is to have other people bear witness, I suppose.

(Original post by djpailo)
And if people do think they symbolize something, its only a derivative on some form of spirituality, however you want to spin it.
Maybe, but then spirituality is pretty hard to separate from ancient culture. You could just as easily argue that spirituality is derived from human nature, and therefore so too are marriage vows.
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DeceitfulDove
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#12
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#12
I can't wait to marry my boyfriend it's going to be a celebration of our relationship and then I will be able to call him my husband also, honeymoon
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Katie_p
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#13
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#13
(Original post by djpailo)
I fail to understand how people see marriage without any religious aspect. The whole point of marriage, from a historical perspective, was to bind two people together spiritually. Its rather strange to me to read people say marriage should show love, care and commitment when these things should be in a long-term relationship anyway. I can understand why people might marry for the financial security, but to marry for "love and commitment" or to hear those "vows" I just don't understand at all. Why would someone feel the vows are special unless they symbolize something? And if people do think they symbolize something, its only a derivative on some form of spirituality, however you want to spin it.
This is exactly the reason why I don't particularly want to get married.

However, for the legal benefits, and the fact that it's important to my bf, I probably will. I'd just feel much happier about it if there were an entirely separate state marriage and religious marriage. IMO any two people over 18 should be able to have a state marriage, in the sense of gaining legal rights and responsibilities. And then any number of people should be able to "marry" within their religion - polygamy, polyandry, straight only, whatever. But the only one that should be legally binding is the state one, and no religious "marriage" should confer legal rights.
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PQ
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#14
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#14
(Original post by tazarooni89)
The other thing is that, it essentially makes both parties to the relationship put their money where their mouth is. Anyone can say that they're totally committed to each other. But it's a way of showing to your partner, and to yourself that you're genuinely confident in yourself when you say that. Getting out of a relationship is easy. All you have to do is say "it's over". Getting out of a marriage is much more time consuming and costly, and there are all sorts of legal issues to iron out. If you're getting married, you're going to need to be pretty sure that you don't plan to end the relationship any time soon.
Sorry but that's not true.
If I split with my partner we'd have to re-write our wills, figure out how to split up the house, negotiate custody of our pets, negotiate ownership of our car and all our other belongings etc etc.

I've got friends who're married who don't have *anything* that is shared. If they get a divorce then their only thing is figuring out if either of them can afford to stay in their rented flat and who keeps the christmas decorations (plus filing for a divorce).

You seem to be under the impression that the only financial and legally binding relationship you can be in involves a wedding - that simply isn't the case. In some cases marriage simplifies the amount of commitments you have to the other person.
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xmhairix
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#15
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#15
(Original post by Katie_p)
This is exactly the reason why I don't particularly want to get married.

However, for the legal benefits, and the fact that it's important to my bf, I probably will. I'd just feel much happier about it if there were an entirely separate state marriage and religious marriage. IMO any two people over 18 should be able to have a state marriage, in the sense of gaining legal rights and responsibilities.
Exactly why my husband and i got married, to make it easier if anything happened to either one of us, we have two children as well so being married makes form filling for the kids soo much easier.


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0le
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#16
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#16
(Original post by Katie_p)
This is exactly the reason why I don't particularly want to get married.

However, for the legal benefits, and the fact that it's important to my bf, I probably will. I'd just feel much happier about it if there were an entirely separate state marriage and religious marriage. IMO any two people over 18 should be able to have a state marriage, in the sense of gaining legal rights and responsibilities. And then any number of people should be able to "marry" within their religion - polygamy, polyandry, straight only, whatever. But the only one that should be legally binding is the state one, and no religious "marriage" should confer legal rights.
I think your right, people should be legally and financially stable together. Perhaps it would be better to call it a new word and leave "marriage" for the religious minded folk.
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limetang
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#17
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#17
I think modern marriage is completely devoid of meaning. Other than the legal aspects the modern definition of marriage is absolutely no different to cohabitation. Marriage doesn't define the sex/sexual orientation of the couple, it doesn't define what this relationship is for, and it doesn't even define this relationship as having to be strictly monogamous. I'm not saying these relationships are bad, I'm just saying that lumping all these relationships under the umbrella term of marriage means that marriage doesn't really describe anything very specific.

And this is seen in the way we basically have subcategories of marriage. We have Christian Marriage, We have Hindu Marriage, We have mixed faith marriage, we have 'secular' marriage, we have open marriage, we have same sex marriage. Like it or not we have compartmentalised marriage into so many subgroupings because the term marriage has ceased to be a very descriptive term for a relationship. It simply describes a romantic relationship and a set of laws which are very helpful in allowing long term relationships to work.
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