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Really need help (long post)

Ok, this is going to be a long post, because I really feel completely overwhelmed at the moment and there're so much I need to sort out in my head. I'm 15, in year 11, and choosing my A-levels. I just don't feel ready to do them at all, because I seriously don't know what to pick. In my GCSE's I'm expected to get A/A*s across the board, in arts and sciences, and now I'm faced with the fact that I'm going to have to drop all accept 4 of them, or drop even more and pick up something I've never tried before. I don't know what I want to do with my life; I've always enjoyed all my subjects, and happily done revision and extra work because I find it interesting.


I know that it's possible to drop subjects after doing AS level, and pick up new ones, but that still isn't enough time to try all the stuff I'm considering. I've always thought that I would do maths and sciences at A-level, and do a degree in physics or maths. Recently though, I've realised that I don't know what I want to do, or what I enjoy doing most, or what I want to do as a career. I'm so scared that I'm going to pick the wring stuff, and mess my life up and end up unhappy and regretting everything.


I feel under so much pressure as well though; I've always been the smart kid, the one who knows everything and is clearly going to get the best grades in the world and do a career in something no one else understands. I just feel like such a let down, already, because I don't think I can do it. I don't know if I want to do it. None of my family have ever been to university or anything before, and my school has been in and out of special measures for years, so I know that a lot of the pressure is invented by me. But still, I was so sure that my life was just set out for me, and I'd go through it and enjoy all of it without regrets or anything but I obviously know now that isn't realistic. I've just spent so long being the best, academically, that I don't know if I can cope with not succeeding, at everything. There's never been anyone at school better than me, and I've never really had to put a load of work in to get the grades and I'm terrified I won't be able to cope with going into further education. People say I'm a hard worker, but I think I only work hard when it's something I enjoy, or I have another person enforcing a deadline for me. What if I mess the next few years up? It's all moving way to fast.


I know, I haven't even done GCSE's yet and I'm talking about university, but I'm choosing my A-levels now, and you need certain A-levels to do certain degree courses. I'm don't know if I can keep my options open. I used to love sciences, but recently I've gone off them quite a bit, and I get the feeling that I'm only pretending to enjoy them sometimes? I love to know how things work, but I don't know if I might just keep my interest in science as a hobby, and a minor part of my life, and focus on something else. I love to read, I love to write essays, and I really love learning about the lives of others, and just generally different people and cultures and ideas. I mean, I know I could perfectly happily do A-levels in English lit and history and psychology or similar, and probably get into a good uni and do a degree in an arts subject too. And that feels easier. I don't know if it is, but I can't remember ever feeling stressed when doing these subjects, and at the moment they make me happier too.


However, my opinion is so changeable right now, and I've been round and round everything for a few weeks now., Just by writing that last paragraph I've convinced myself that sciences are not for me, which is the opposite to what I thought this morning. I know I need to make an important decision, and it's so hard.


I don't really know if I can mix arts and sciences? Like, do English lit, history, maths and a science? My problem with that is that I don't know what science. My plan for the last couple of years was to do 2 or 3, and hold back specialising until later. Also, I thought that physics would be my thing, but now I find it stressful. To be honest, that's mostly because I've had these thoughts running around in my head for the last month, and I've probably associated the fear and indecision with the actual subjuct, but I just don't find it as thrilling as I used to. Biology has increasingly grown on me, although there is that minor problem that I faint when seeing a pig's lung being dissected, which probably excludes me from most actual jobs in the area. Also, I've got this silly feeling that physics and chemistry are sort of more "pure" science, and biology isn't as good. I know that isn't true obviously, but my feelings towards English and history are worse, and my gut feeling is that they'd make me a disappointment.


It is because I've had such a fixed idea about my future for so long, but I'm worried that even if I did arts and did well, I'd hate myself for not doing sciences when I had the chance.


It doesn't help that I don't have a clue about what career to aim for. Other people all seem to know what area, if not a specific position. They know what they like, and choose their A-levels accordingly. I don't know what I like, I don't know what I'm best at and I have no ambition. I mean, I am ambitious, but I don't have anything at all that I'm aiming for. What careers are there for people with degrees in English lit or history? I know a degree can basically be used to get a higher position in a normal career path, like business or something, but that's something else that makes me feel like I should be doing more. To be honest, as long as it pays fairly well, doesn't involve speaking with members of the public who I don't know, and isn't completely monotonous, I don't care what I do. My idea of working in science has always been vague, and probably completely inaccurate, and I'm worried not that I won't be able to do it, but that I won't like it. And for someone who's always liked school and learning, that's scary, because I don't know if I want to grow up? People say that school years are the best in your life, and I can completely see that. And I know I'm leaving it behind. Is that how life works though, do things just get worse and worse? Because there's no way I can cope with that. I feel so down, just thinking about my future, about what choices to make, that I know I'm not in a proper mindset to make a choice. I can't even here about a successful physicist or mathematician now without feeling awful, because I don't know whether that's what I want to be. And I'm jealous as well.


I just want to have a calm, happy and fairly stress free life, but I don't know how to get there; to be honest I don't know whether that's possible. At the moment I feel terrible, and I can't really think of anyone to talk about it all with. I don't really have close friends at school, and I don't trust any teachers to go into all this. I talk to my parents, but I only end up crying and not really saying anything at all. I think I just need to talk to someone, and know whether what I'm feeling is even slightly normal. To be honest, this has been fairly therapeutic to write. Also, I know that this post could probably go into about 10 categories and that I probably haven't chosen the right one, but I really do just need to talk about life in general, and I thought I may as well put it here. Thanks for reading.
Hi.Just wanted to say thanks for writing 'long post' on the title.People should do that.:smile:
Reply 2
Don't let other peoples expectation or views of you define you. You define you! Also don't let people see you as the smart one, because your much more than that! Imagine if your best friend failed a test, would you judge them for it? No! So people don't only judge you on your academia!

I know you think people do, but you just have got to think one part of my life does not define me as a person. You're also 15, stop worrying! The fact you do worry about your grades, means your going to put a hell of a lot more effort into your exams than most!

Good luck, don't get too worried, academia doesn't define you and other people don't define you by your grades :smile:
Don't you have homework to be getting on with?
Reply 4
I had a career goal from being 14, I picked all my A Levels around it, my university course, did all the right work experience, and do you know what? I did it, hated it, left it. Having a goal doesn't make you any more likely to succeed and having no goal doesn't make you any less likely to. What's important is that you have the overall goal of doing your best in whatever you do do, which you seem to have already. Choose some subjects you enjoy, at the very last minute if necessary, keep your options open, and see how you feel.

Listen to Baz Luhrman's 'Sunscreen' for a pep talk on relaxing and letting life take you where it takes you, for better or for worse! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

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