Did she do anything wrong?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
Hi,

I met a girl in August and she was lovely. I spent with her the most amazing two months, and although it was short I was no doubt in love with her. She left me last month, however, to go back to her ex-boyfriend. This destroyed me. I'm still a wreck. I'm not getting over it and going crazy.

I want to hate her, but she says it's not love if I do that, and that I'm trying to hurt her on purpose. This is not true, I don't want to hurt her. But I know that it does hurt her if I hate her, but that's not what I do it. I just feel so liberated when I tell her how much she's hurt me. I can't help it. But then I hate myself for my selfishness. I don't know if, in writing this, I'm just looking for someone to take my side and to tell me that I've been hurt, and that it's ok for me to not go out of my way to ensure she's not hurt. I know this sounds selfish, and it is, but I go insane otherwise, it just builds up inside me and I feel so cheated and helpless. I just want someone to tell me she did wrong to me.

But I don't even know if she did. She has every right to go back to her ex-boyfriend. But it doesn't stop it from killing me. I think I'd have been better if she'd stopped with me and gone back to him later, when I was a bit better, then again I know this is selfish of me.

It's probably important, though, to note that she was with her ex-boyfriend for two years, me for two months. But we spent so much of the two months together, I feel it's unfair to say "two months is nothing".
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Pennyarcade
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#2
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Yeah she did, she used you as a rebound to make her ex jealous and it worked. Did her ex boyfriend get a new girlfriend when she was with you?
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It's****ingWOODY
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#3
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Fair play to you for taking it so calmly mate. I would have had a dump through her letterbox.
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Frankio
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#4
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You can hate her if it makes you feel any better, she doesn't have the right to make you happy with it if she has chosen someone else and not you. You have to accept it sure, but you don't have to like it.
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Ronove
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#5
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It sounds like you two are still talking quite a bit. Might I politely suggest that you stop. It's only going to keep you feeling crap for longer.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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Thanks for your replies.

It's a good question if her ex got a new girlfriend when I was with her. She would avoid talking too much about him, but I think he may have done.

It's probably a good idea to not talk. I did manage it at first, I said I never want to hear from her or see her ever again. But I gave in and called her (pretty much crying and telling her how much she'd hurt me - like I said, I felt bad for this but it was really liberating; wasn't healthy keeping it all inside I don't think).

Again, thanks for all your replies.
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username91207
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I don't think she did, because I've been the girl in question (although I was only with the other guy for 3 weeks) and I certainly didn't use him! I just realised it wasn't fair on him to be with him when deep down I was still in love with my ex, so I left him and tried to make things work again with my ex - which we did!

It's unfortunate for you, and I understand it hurts, but such is life if she still loved her ex then it wouldn't have been fair to stay with you.
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Pessimisterious
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#8
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Drop your feelings for her, she sounds subhuman. Drop your feelings for her.

Posted from TSR Mobile
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Grim_Squeaker
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#9
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Don't waste your energy and time hating her. She clearly isn't worth even that, and hate can blind you to moving on and being happy. I know this from experience with one of my Ex's who, to be ...... polite, was an utter nightmare.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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(Original post by snowyowl)
I don't think she did, because I've been the girl in question (although I was only with the other guy for 3 weeks) and I certainly didn't use him! I just realised it wasn't fair on him to be with him when deep down I was still in love with my ex, so I left him and tried to make things work again with my ex - which we did!

It's unfortunate for you, and I understand it hurts, but such is life if she still loved her ex then it wouldn't have been fair to stay with you.
Yes, I understand this. I just wish she wouldn't have gone straight back to him, but maybe at least give me time to get over it. It hurts that I lose her and straight away she is with someone else. I know that's jealous, but I don't think that jealousy is necessarily a bad thing here. I don't know.
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Ronove
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#11
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes, I understand this. I just wish she wouldn't have gone straight back to him, but maybe at least give me time to get over it. It hurts that I lose her and straight away she is with someone else. I know that's jealous, but I don't think that jealousy is necessarily a bad thing here. I don't know.
It's a completely normal thing to be jealous. Very few people would get away without feeling jealousy in amongst the pain in this situation. No point thinking of it as either good or bad.

Seriously though, it was just two months. Try to let it go. You'll almost certainly experience worse things in relationships (and extremely good things as well, that will make you unable to really understand why you were so upset about this girl) - it's just a learning curve. Find something else to put time and energy into!
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