Did getting betrayed / bad relationships really change anyone here?

Basically, i had a girlfriend in the past. A long relationship where i was friends with the girl for 15 years and we were a couple for a few years. Long story short, my best mate was sleeping with her when i was seriously ill and laughing at my illness behind my back, publicly on facebook. I could not believe it and I ran away from everything. I ended up ding well with my life and I graduated with a good degree and am earning more money than them both. Problem is I also became utterly cynical with how i behaved with women and to be honest these days i am a dick and a bit of a soulless idiot if i am being honest. I have never had a relationship since, I am 22 now and it happened when I was 18. It has all been casual sex since and generally self destructive pursuits such as sky-diving where i just want to feel alive again instead of this person who is dead in the soul.

I ended up getting my revenge on the guy i used to call my best friend. And he also ended up getting ditched for an investment banker by his new girlfriend. So, he has suffered a lot too because he is not doing too well financially these days. And he hated me ignoring him for all of those years and then screwing him over.

I just always think "What if?" , i could have been way less ****ed up and not take it out on the people i met afterwards. But i couldn't, i was just in so much turmoil in my own mind thinking that revenge and using others would help me feel better. It hasn't. I just feel like my ex girlfriend and the guy who was my best mate really killed me as a person. They even had the nerve to show up to my sickbed where i didn't know whether i was going to die or not and act like they were concerned. I still cannot believe it at times.

I just changed a lot, when i was 16-17 I was this nice and loyal person who was always regarded as a bit of a soft touch. I had no respect. It is just sad that to get any type of respect for me i had to turn out so twisted you know, i have done some ****ed up (but legal) things. I remember seeing one of my former best mates mates in the gym and basically squaring up to him and telling him I said "Hi" to my former friend. It's just that bone headed aggression that was always in my mind that just really came out. You know, i just wish i did not grow a backbone through such a **** stretch of events.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And crazier.

I'm going to be cringe and say my psycho ex changed me for the better. He brought out all the bad things in me I never knew, like how much I can't stand being ignored. It made me evaluate why that was a problem in the first place. He made me understand what I won't accept from a partner.

He made me decide to never lend my boyfriend money. Best lesson of all lol.

I was in the same situation for you. I want to say that I was young (15-18) and didn't know better, but I was a fool. I know today that you can't be with a person that doesn't understand your value and your values, if that makes sense. And being in love with them doesn't give them the power to dictate your life.
I like to think I've changed both for the better and the worse. I'm more cynical and sarcastic and not-so-trusting because I don't want to get screwed over, but I'm also mature, responsible and know what I want and will not settle for anything less. Maybe there are problems with that, but I believe I can work with them better than naivety. Maybe my next relationship will make me a better person, both to myself and others.

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