Oral before sex? Why?

Inspired by the closed thread "how long have you waited before having sex" or something to that extent :redface:

Why do so many people think they are ready to give someone an oral before they are ready to have sex with them? Is it the notion of 'virginity' that bothers people? I would not consider myself a virgin if I gave a guy an oral or if he gave me one. To me virginity is a state of mind as much as the physical intercourse (it's absence). I'm a girl, 18, virgin.

In my view, getting that close to someone (be it sex, oral or else) demands the same level of trust and understanding - for some people zero, of course. So why is it more acceptable to give someone an oral than to have sex with them?

Opinions please.

Reply 1

Glory

1

Sex has been the final stage for a long time. I dont see oral as having such a big importance as intercourse. To me oral and hand jobs can be given to anyone in the heat of the moment, where as sex is a sign of commitment and requires planning and a state of mind. Espcially when its you first time, i share the belief making love should be for people who are in love, anything else just isnt as important.

I think its down to peoples personal beliefs as to which is the most important and requires the most commitment.

Reply 2

bunthulhu

14

I guess because it's not necessarily as intimate, it's not technical penetration (i.e. involing male and female genitalia together), and you can't get pregnant... things like that? Also some people consider oral as foreplay. And then of course, there are the infamous 'bases' :biggrin:

Reply 3

gemini_love

I think it's because lots of things go into your mouth like food, drink, etc so it's not sacred but nothing really goes into your.... obviously this is slightly different for a guy.

Also, to me, when having sex, someone is inside you tightly....with oral it would be on the same level as touching if there wasn't a chance of disease or what-have-you.

I'm not sure but to me, your mouth isn't too sacred, the nether regions....are

Reply 4

shady lane

16

oral = no babies
that's why.

EDIT: also you don't have get very naked for oral (especially if you're the giver, hah). A lot of people find showing their bodies to be very intimate.

Reply 5

Lady_Muck

14

I don't see Oral as such a big 'deal', yet I find sex a very big deal, I could never have sex with someone I didn't know (ie one night stand), ever, yet I quite happily...er...Acquaint myself with other people.

Sex is VERY intimate to me, both before, during and especially after. As of yet, I've only slept with my long term boyfriend, yet have had 'liasons' with about 3 other people, that's the way I want it, I haven't felt a yearning to have slept with anyone else as of yet, purely because I don't have the emotional committment that I, personally, need to have sex with someone. I don't know why exactly, I just can't have sex with someone I don't know!

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

I am a girl and I haven't slept with my bf yet (i.e. intercourse), but he went down on me (long before I went down on him, which I found incredibly sweet of him) and we've done 69. I find oral sex really intimate, because it involves a LOT of trust and love because:

1) you're putting your dick in someone's mouth and you have to trust them to handle it safely and not bite it off or harm you in any way...

2) you're letting someone near a region that is also used for secretion; hence there are smells (harsh to say this, but it's true). you have to trust the person that they really love you.

3) also, the giver has to love the other person physically enough to overcome and even like the smell

4) the taste of the ejaculate ain't the taste of cake and you're willing to taste it. i.e., you love the person.

5) you have to trust that the giver won't mind the way you're ( or not) shaved down there because he loves you the way you are...

there's so much trust and love involved in oral sex that you can't find in intercourse...

69!

Reply 7

bedbug

14

To the OP - whether you consider yourself to be a virgin is a different matter to whether you are or not. You may feel that you are not a virgin if you give someone oral but sorry dearie, you are til you have sex. You can pretend not to be if you'd like but you would still be a virgin until penetration.

Reply 8

PremiershipFootballer

1

I think there is a big difference here depending on your gender. As a guy, I see them on the same level, but from a girls point of view I can understand why sex is more extreme then oral.

Why do so many people think they are ready to give someone an oral before they are ready to have sex with them? Is it the notion of 'virginity' that bothers people? I would not consider myself a virgin if I gave a guy an oral or if he gave me one. To me virginity is a state of mind as much as the physical intercourse (it's absence). I'm a girl, 18, virgin.

In my view, getting that close to someone (be it sex, oral or else) demands the same level of trust and understanding - for some people zero, of course. So why is it more acceptable to give someone an oral than to have sex with them?

But if your not that experienced, I suppose anything is quite extreme.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

To the OP - whether you consider yourself to be a virgin is a different matter to whether you are or not. You may feel that you are not a virgin if you give someone oral but sorry dearie, you are til you have sex. You can pretend not to be if you'd like but you would still be a virgin until penetration.

That was kinda harsh...let her be and stop acting condescending...

Reply 10

bedbug

14

It's not harsh, it's fact.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Everyone is "inexperienced" when they are with their first boyfriend / girlfriend! As Anonymous#2 said, oral is very intimate too and it doesn't amke sense to me to give/receive and oral on the first date or so, if you don't trust / love the person enough to be willing to have sex with them.

Reply 12

Clarence

14

I don't really like oral.

Reply 13

PremiershipFootballer

1

Anonymous

Everyone is "inexperienced" when they are with their first boyfriend / girlfriend! As Anonymous#2 said, oral is very intimate too and it doesn't amke sense to me to give/receive and oral on the first date or so, if you don't trust / love the person enough to be willing to have sex with them.

It really just depends how you look at. Some just do it for fun, others see it as something more meaningful.

Reply 14

Helenia

20

Anonymous

I am a girl and I haven't slept with my bf yet (i.e. intercourse), but he went down on me (long before I went down on him, which I found incredibly sweet of him) and we've done 69. I find oral sex really intimate, because it involves a LOT of trust and love because:

1) you're putting your dick in someone's mouth and you have to trust them to handle it safely and not bite it off or harm you in any way...

2) you're letting someone near a region that is also used for secretion; hence there are smells (harsh to say this, but it's true). you have to trust the person that they really love you.

3) also, the giver has to love the other person physically enough to overcome and even like the smell

4) the taste of the ejaculate ain't the taste of cake and you're willing to taste it. i.e., you love the person.

5) you have to trust that the giver won't mind the way you're ( or not) shaved down there because he loves you the way you are...

there's so much trust and love involved in oral sex that you can't find in intercourse...

There seem to be two schools of thought on this - one being yours and one being the one as described by Lady Muck, shady lane, gemini love, Glory etc, that oral is a step on the way to sex, which is the most intimate act. I subscribe to the latter.

As for your individual points, #5 would apply equally to sex; the others are more oral-specific but I don't think you have to "love" someone to not mind the smell or the taste or whatever (some people don't smell that bad and some people like the taste!). As for #2, the same regions are involved in full sex, but in an even more intimate way. Any kind of genital contact requires the trust described in #1 - teeth are a risk but only a real sadist would really be cruel enough to inflict pain there; it's not necessarily a matter of love. I think that oral is just another way of exploring your body and that of your partner so that you can turn each other on and be comfortable with each other before you finally have sex.

That isn't to say that I wouldn't think badly of someone who had lots of one-night stands but said "I only did oral sex, so it doesn't really count," but that I'd possibly think less badly of them than someone who had sex with everyone. Both are, ideally, placed within relationships, but it's easier to see how drunken oral sex could occur rather than full sex.

Reply 15

Lucyvet2006

Its weird isn't it? I guess its the old 'base' system! Oral seems almost more intimate to me. Also the 'it doesn't count' factor because you haven't lost your virginity and it doesn't count on a 'how many people have you slept with' list! I've never given or received oral with anyone I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping with but I think, the first time at least, oral came first. As far as drunkenness goes- I've only had one (horrible) drunken one-night stand but never given randomly anyone oral when drunk- except for my boyfriend.
One of my friends wants to remain a virgin until marriage but has 'done everything else' and I don't think its a massive step up to sex, if you've orgasmed before and had someone's dick in your mouth, and been naked infront of them, you're not exactly virginal are you?

Reply 16

Clarence

14

I assumed the OP meant oral directly before sex too.

Reply 17

Achilles13

Clarence

I don't really like oral.

Giving or receiving? and Why?

Reply 18

Clarence

14

I don't really like either....i used to, but thinking about it, i find it a bit gross. But thats my opinion....don't judge me lol.

Reply 19

Anonymous #3

I'm a guy and to be honest I don't get much of a kick out of blowjobs but then again this might have something to do with a prior blowjob that left me bleeding (handjobs are so underrated, think of all the variety of motions you can make with your hands). So now I would really have to trust the woman that goes down on me next. However, I do find a great deal of intimacy in me going down on a woman since I love the act so much and everything about it, sex can be fantastically intimate if you are doing it with the right person and with the right feelings and very little can top that level of connection. Although sex can also be the most dull, lifeless, dettached and depressing thing in the world and I have never had boring oral, but then again maybe I've only performed oral with women who I liked.

Oral before sex? Why?

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