How can I make myself fall out of love with my ex? :(
Me and my ex split up a month ago, it was a really bad messy break up. Anyway, when we were together, everything was perfect, neither of us had felt the way we felt about anybody before and we even planned a future together after university. But unfortunately, a couple of months before we broke up, I was diagnosed with depression, I didn't tell him because I didn't want to burden him with my problems, because his dad also suffered from depression and he struggled to deal with that. So I refused antidepressants and refused counselling, anyway, I started to push him away and in all honesty, I was a complete bitch towards him. I wasn't a nice girlfriend, I just kept bringing up the past and causing arguments, eventually he decided to cheat on me and now we've broken up, things got worse he's actually now seeing the girl he cheated on me with and getting to know her. But she's the complete opposite to me, it's crazy and she's 3 years older and he's pretty immature so I just don't understand how he's moving on so quickly and was I that bad of a person for him to go to somebody who was completely different?
How can I move on and stop loving him when he probably now loves her?
How can I move on and stop loving him when he probably now loves her?
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You need to realise that you WILL be okay without him and you WILL find happiness without him.
He's not your world, he is not the be all end all, and most importantly you need to forgive yourself .... learn to fall in love with yourself again.
And if this man is the one for you, you'll find your way back to each other. X
He's not your world, he is not the be all end all, and most importantly you need to forgive yourself .... learn to fall in love with yourself again.
And if this man is the one for you, you'll find your way back to each other. X
Original post by Kellyxo
Me and my ex split up a month ago, it was a really bad messy break up. Anyway, when we were together, everything was perfect, neither of us had felt the way we felt about anybody before and we even planned a future together after university. But unfortunately, a couple of months before we broke up, I was diagnosed with depression, I didn't tell him because I didn't want to burden him with my problems, because his dad also suffered from depression and he struggled to deal with that. So I refused antidepressants and refused counselling, anyway, I started to push him away and in all honesty, I was a complete bitch towards him. I wasn't a nice girlfriend, I just kept bringing up the past and causing arguments, eventually he decided to cheat on me and now we've broken up, things got worse he's actually now seeing the girl he cheated on me with and getting to know her. But she's the complete opposite to me, it's crazy and she's 3 years older and he's pretty immature so I just don't understand how he's moving on so quickly and was I that bad of a person for him to go to somebody who was completely different?
How can I move on and stop loving him when he probably now loves her?
How can I move on and stop loving him when he probably now loves her?
Delete, throwaway and sell everything that reminds you of him (numbers, pictures, gifts etcetra)
remind yourself that he doesn't love you anymore and that he has found somebody else. Why waste time longing to be with someone who has clearly moved on?
remind yourself that there are a lot of other fish in the sea. You no longer have this person. Why cry over what you cannot have when you do not know what there is to come? You could meet another person who is so much better for you than the person you no longer have. When that time comes you will see how this break up was the best thing to have ever happened and will roll your eyes when you remember the time when you wanted to be with your ex
remind yourself that it is time to move forward. He has moved on why can't you? You are not part of this man's future so why do you want him to be a part of yours? You will only drive yourself crazy thinking about it. Stop thinking about him and if you find you are then occupy yourself. If he's moving on too quickly leave that to him do not let it worry you. Focus on yourself and do not waste anymore time thinking about your ex and his gf because they are not thinking about you
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by TheGreaterGood
Delete, throwaway and sell everything that reminds you of him (numbers, pictures, gifts etcetra)
remind yourself that he doesn't love you anymore and that he has found somebody else. Why waste time longing to be with someone who has clearly moved on?
remind yourself that there are a lot of other fish in the sea. You no longer have this person. Why cry over what you cannot have when you do not know what there is to come? You could meet another person who is so much better for you than the person you no longer have. When that time comes you will see how this break up was the best thing to have ever happened and will roll your eyes when you remember the time when you wanted to be with your ex
remind yourself that it is time to move forward. He has moved on why can't you? You are not part of this man's future so why do you want him to be a part of yours? You will only drive yourself crazy thinking about it. Stop thinking about him and if you find you are then occupy yourself. If he's moving on too quickly leave that to him do not let it worry you. Focus on yourself and do not waste anymore time thinking about your ex and his gf because they are not thinking about you
remind yourself that he doesn't love you anymore and that he has found somebody else. Why waste time longing to be with someone who has clearly moved on?
remind yourself that there are a lot of other fish in the sea. You no longer have this person. Why cry over what you cannot have when you do not know what there is to come? You could meet another person who is so much better for you than the person you no longer have. When that time comes you will see how this break up was the best thing to have ever happened and will roll your eyes when you remember the time when you wanted to be with your ex
remind yourself that it is time to move forward. He has moved on why can't you? You are not part of this man's future so why do you want him to be a part of yours? You will only drive yourself crazy thinking about it. Stop thinking about him and if you find you are then occupy yourself. If he's moving on too quickly leave that to him do not let it worry you. Focus on yourself and do not waste anymore time thinking about your ex and his gf because they are not thinking about you
I guess you're right. But all of that is so much easier said than done. I just don't understand how that relationship will ever work, I mean, what sort of start of a relationship is that, cheating on your previous one.
I just went through so much to be with him in the first place and I doubt anybody else would go through what I went through, so it's just hard I guess to know I wasn't good enough.
Cut all contact with him. Literally this was the only way I got over one of my exes. (He actually cut contact with me but it helped me so hey). And focus on doing things for yourself, to make you happy. Get help for your depression - talk to your GP. Hang out with friends. Plan something fun like a night out or a trip to the cinema followed by a meal! Book yourself a short break somewhere. Just do things to make yourself happy. Time will heal you I promise.
Original post by Kellyxo
I guess you're right. But all of that is so much easier said than done. I just don't understand how that relationship will ever work, I mean, what sort of start of a relationship is that, cheating on your previous one.
I just went through so much to be with him in the first place and I doubt anybody else would go through what I went through, so it's just hard I guess to know I wasn't good enough.
I just went through so much to be with him in the first place and I doubt anybody else would go through what I went through, so it's just hard I guess to know I wasn't good enough.
What you say is true - it is not always so easy to do
The truth is it probably will not work. I don't know if she knew he was in a relationship but if so it means she was willing to cheat and he was also willing to cheat. Which makes me think that they could easily cheat on each other which does not sound like a healthy relationship at all
That is quite sad how you gave up so much
He should appreciate how much you gave up to be with him but he clearly does not. You could be right and he may not find someone who will ever give up so much for him again but that is his loss. Don't blame yourself. It is not that you were not good enough. It is not your fault that you had depression and so it made your relationship a little shaky. If he really cared he should have done his best to try and understand your situation or at least explain he wanted a break rather than hurt you by cheating 
. You are more than good enough you just need to find someone who sees you that way, rather than thinking about someone who has moved on. Say somehow he ended up dumping his gf and you did get back together, how would you even be able to trust him anyway? He has cheated on you once so could easily do it again (edited 10 years ago)
Time will heal.
Original post by Kellyxo
Me and my ex split up a month ago, it was a really bad messy break up. Anyway, when we were together, everything was perfect, neither of us had felt the way we felt about anybody before and we even planned a future together after university. But unfortunately, a couple of months before we broke up, I was diagnosed with depression, I didn't tell him because I didn't want to burden him with my problems, because his dad also suffered from depression and he struggled to deal with that. So I refused antidepressants and refused counselling, anyway, I started to push him away and in all honesty, I was a complete bitch towards him. I wasn't a nice girlfriend, I just kept bringing up the past and causing arguments, eventually he decided to cheat on me and now we've broken up, things got worse he's actually now seeing the girl he cheated on me with and getting to know her. But she's the complete opposite to me, it's crazy and she's 3 years older and he's pretty immature so I just don't understand how he's moving on so quickly and was I that bad of a person for him to go to somebody who was completely different?
How can I move on and stop loving him when he probably now loves her?
How can I move on and stop loving him when he probably now loves her?
You should never have kept your depression away from him. Now he thinks you don't respect him enough to be truthful and your action drove him to the other girl.
You want him back, then WORK for it. Start by telling him the TRUTH and then be humble and ask for him back.
Don't tell me you want to retain your dignity because it's way past that stage. you are at the last chance salon.
If you want to forget then extract yourself from the locale and get away somewhere and or do something that you really feel passionate about - some course or something.
Original post by Zenomorph
You should never have kept your depression away from him. Now he thinks you don't respect him enough to be truthful and your action drove him to the other girl.
You want him back, then WORK for it. Start by telling him the TRUTH and then be humble and ask for him back.
Don't tell me you want to retain your dignity because it's way past that stage. you are at the last chance salon.
If you want to forget then extract yourself from the locale and get away somewhere and or do something that you really feel passionate about - some course or something.
You want him back, then WORK for it. Start by telling him the TRUTH and then be humble and ask for him back.
Don't tell me you want to retain your dignity because it's way past that stage. you are at the last chance salon.
If you want to forget then extract yourself from the locale and get away somewhere and or do something that you really feel passionate about - some course or something.
He is never coming back, He told me that we broke up because he no longer loves me and no longer can ever love me again and insists he didn't leave me for this other girl, so there's no chance I could ever get back with him x
Original post by Dawnbird
I would dearly love to be able to just flip a switch and stop feeling a certain way about someone, watching this thread to see if any cracking advice pops up =p
So would I
. The hardest part is, he just turned his feelings on and off for me. It was just 3 weeks before we broke up he told me his feelings had never been stronger, then his feelings completely go the minute we split up and he has somebody new on the cards. Perhaps what they say is true, the way to get over somebody is to get under another?Original post by brightcitylights
Cut all contact with him. Literally this was the only way I got over one of my exes. (He actually cut contact with me but it helped me so hey). And focus on doing things for yourself, to make you happy. Get help for your depression - talk to your GP. Hang out with friends. Plan something fun like a night out or a trip to the cinema followed by a meal! Book yourself a short break somewhere. Just do things to make yourself happy. Time will heal you I promise.
That's the thing, I tried and I really did but it's so hard. I think a part of me just wants him to care about me, but he doesn't and I think thats what keeps making me try and talk to him again. I guess I've got to face the facts and realise he doesn't care anymore. It's just so hard because I went through such a journey to be with him. How can he treat somebody so badly?
Original post by TheGreaterGood
What you say is true - it is not always so easy to do
The truth is it probably will not work. I don't know if she knew he was in a relationship but if so it means she was willing to cheat and he was also willing to cheat. Which makes me think that they could easily cheat on each other which does not sound like a healthy relationship at all
That is quite sad how you gave up so much He should appreciate how much you gave up to be with him but he clearly does not. You could be right and he may not find someone who will ever give up so much for him again but that is his loss. Don't blame yourself. It is not that you were not good enough. It is not your fault that you had depression and so it made your relationship a little shaky. If he really cared he should have done his best to try and understand your situation or at least explain he wanted a break rather than hurt you by cheating . You are more than good enough you just need to find someone who sees you that way, rather than thinking about someone who has moved on. Say somehow he ended up dumping his gf and you did get back together, how would you even be able to trust him anyway? He has cheated on you once so could easily do it again
The truth is it probably will not work. I don't know if she knew he was in a relationship but if so it means she was willing to cheat and he was also willing to cheat. Which makes me think that they could easily cheat on each other which does not sound like a healthy relationship at all
That is quite sad how you gave up so much
He should appreciate how much you gave up to be with him but he clearly does not. You could be right and he may not find someone who will ever give up so much for him again but that is his loss. Don't blame yourself. It is not that you were not good enough. It is not your fault that you had depression and so it made your relationship a little shaky. If he really cared he should have done his best to try and understand your situation or at least explain he wanted a break rather than hurt you by cheating . You are more than good enough you just need to find someone who sees you that way, rather than thinking about someone who has moved on. Say somehow he ended up dumping his gf and you did get back together, how would you even be able to trust him anyway? He has cheated on you once so could easily do it again Thank you for your kind post. Yes I agree, she was aware that he was in a relationship and I don't really understand how starting off a relationship with the girl he cheated on me with would be so great, but she must be worth it because he'll always have that constant reminder about what he gave up to be with her.
I really do not feel good enough, I just feel I gave him my all and he just ran away. Doesn't even want to be friends anymore. I don't ever want him back, I just want to stop loving him and forget the pain he's put me through
xOriginal post by Atsushi
Imagine him having sex with the other girl.
It just makes me feel sick
Original post by Kellyxo
It just makes me feel sick
Hence you'll gradually begin to dislike him as a person.
I've been on the receiving end of your situation. When someone pushes you away so much because of their depression, you do move on. You lose interest and look else where. It's not by choice, you wish you could love that person like you once did, but once the spark has gone, it's gone. He will never be able to promise you his 100% again, which is why you can't be together again. Trust me he probably feels horrible for what he's done to you, he probably wishes he could have the relationship he once had with you back, but he can't and it's time for you to move on aswell. Just remove everything about him from your life, and do not contact him.
Original post by Atsushi
Hence you'll gradually begin to dislike him as a person.
But I don't want to feel anything for him. If I ever see him out or something I just want to be able to ignore the heartache, the love and any other feelings I ever felt towards him. If I start to hate him, that's still a feeling- he'll still be in my head. I just want him out of it, I just dont know how to get rid of the memories x
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