What would you do if somebody hit on your partner?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
Hey
I made a post a couple of weeks ago about going to my boyfriends work party and being nervous as the girl that's been trying it on with him is going.

Well I went on Saturday and sure enough this girl was absolutely awful. When my boyfriend introduced me to her she just looked the other way and didn't say hello. Throughout the night she kept banging into me and pushing me out the way on purpose. She ran over to my boyfriend ot say hello and was hanging of his neck and kissing him on the cheek but didn't even look at me. At dinner she came and sat next to my boyfriend and pulled him sort of into a headlock cuddling him and whispering in his ear for ages again purposefully ignoring me. She also kept giving me dirty looks. The final straw came when I was talking to some girls and my boyfriend was in front she came up to my boyfriend and slut dropped him and grinded up him he obvsiously just stepped to the side but what really got me was she kept hanging of him and then looked at me and smirked. So I knew she was trying to upset me. She came over to me later on and poked me saying "who the **** do you think you are" I just walked away as I wasn't going to get into a confrontation.

I don't know if I handled it wrongly I just let her do it as I didn't want to show I cared I thought holding onto my boyfriend would look clingy and like she bothered me. I however I ended up in the toilets crying on my own about it and felt so pathetic.My boyfriend was completely drunk so when I tried to talk to him about it he just told me I was being a drama queen and ruining the night. We ended up having a big argument over it as he said I was being controlling and over the top and defended the girl.

I feel so confused and **** about it all. I just think if she does that while im there what does she do on the nights out im not invited on. I also don't understand why she was so nasty and also I don't understand why my boyfriend wasn't bothered at all and said I was being a drama queen. How would you react if somebody hit on your partner?
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WaceMindu
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey
I made a post a couple of weeks ago about going to my boyfriends work party and being nervous as the girl that's been trying it on with him is going.

Well I went on Saturday and sure enough this girl was absolutely awful. When my boyfriend introduced me to her she just looked the other way and didn't say hello. Throughout the night she kept banging into me and pushing me out the way on purpose. She ran over to my boyfriend ot say hello and was hanging of his neck and kissing him on the cheek but didn't even look at me. At dinner she came and sat next to my boyfriend and pulled him sort of into a headlock cuddling him and whispering in his ear for ages again purposefully ignoring me. She also kept giving me dirty looks. The final straw came when I was talking to some girls and my boyfriend was in front she came up to my boyfriend and slut dropped him and grinded up him he obvsiously just stepped to the side but what really got me was she kept hanging of him and then looked at me and smirked. So I knew she was trying to upset me. She came over to me later on and poked me saying "who the **** do you think you are" I just walked away as I wasn't going to get into a confrontation.

I don't know if I handled it wrongly I just let her do it as I didn't want to show I cared I thought holding onto my boyfriend would look clingy and like she bothered me. I however I ended up in the toilets crying on my own about it and felt so pathetic.My boyfriend was completely drunk so when I tried to talk to him about it he just told me I was being a drama queen and ruining the night. We ended up having a big argument over it as he said I was being controlling and over the top and defended the girl.

I feel so confused and **** about it all. I just think if she does that while im there what does she do on the nights out im not invited on. I also don't understand why she was so nasty and also I don't understand why my boyfriend wasn't bothered at all and said I was being a drama queen. How would you react if somebody hit on your partner?

I know how you feel, same thing happened sort of with my partner.
I think you handled it really well, at the end of the day you acted like you didn't even see her as competition and that must have made her feel a bit ****. She obviously just wanted a rise out of you, probably something she would have used to poison your boyfriend against you. So you acted totally in the right way.

The way she was behaving wasn't appropriate and if I acted like your boyfriend did in the situation I would expect my girlfriend to be mad.
I would say when both drunk wasn't the time to have a proper discussion about it (i know it would have been niggling you though and hard not to mention it.)

Maybe try and have a chat with your boyfriend about it now you're both sober, let him know how you felt at the time, what she was doing and the way he was acting too that made you feel so bad. To be fair when you're drunk you kind of don't appreciate things fully but it's still not really an excuse.
If you have a chat about it sober maybe you boyfriend will suprise you and just not have realised what was happening that night and be able to comfort you to the point you don't worry about "next time".
If he can't though maybe you have to think if there's an ulterior motive for his actions?

good luck


edit:

oh and sorry to answer your question, I;'m probably not that applicable to you on account of being a guy, I would have acted much like you (I hope) up until a point and then I would of taken my partner aside and had a word, probably before they'd had too much to drink.
And then maybe confronted the other person if they still weren't laying off.
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Ayesha1234
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If someone treated me like that, I'd find it really hard not to deck them.

Your boyfriend should dismiss her advances and tell her to leave him alone - if he loves you, this should come naturally? It must be awful to be in your position, you sound like a decent person (avoided confrontation and dealt with the situation maturely) and deserve better tbh.


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Orthonym
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If that happened to me, my boyfriend would understand! Maybe your boyfriend is unaware of all the things this girl is doing, even the way she ignored you when you were introduced to her is rude!

If I were in your boyfriend's position, i.e. a guy hitting on me a lot in front of my boyfriend, I would avoid this guy, I would feel awkward and be ready to remind my boyfriend I only have eyes for him.

What is happening with your boyfriend and this girl might mean totally nothing to him, but if he cares about you he should still be willing to see it from your perspective instead of having a go at you. If he doesn't listen to you then it'll eventually wreck the relationship.

I think you handled it really well with the girl, I wish there was a way you could shove her down a peg.
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Mourinho<3
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(Original post by Ayesha1234)
If someone treated me like that, I'd find it really hard not to deck them.

Your boyfriend should dismiss her advances and tell her to leave him alone - if he loves you, this should come naturally? It must be awful to be in your position, you sound like a decent person (avoided confrontation and dealt with the situation maturely) and deserve better tbh.


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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Zy4siCB9LA

What about if you are a guy and this guy in question is the one hitting on your girlfriend?

I agree with what your saying completely but, lets be honest, in the above case...
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lizlaz350
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That's awful, I feel so bad for you.

She might not be so over the top when you're not there because she might have been trying to make you jealous.

If that were me, I'd have told her to back off and told my boyfriend to make it clear to her that she had to stop. If my boyfriend just let it all happen and didn't see it as a problem, I'd be seriously considering whether I should trust him.
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Ayesha1234
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(Original post by Mourinho<3)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Zy4siCB9LA

What about if you are a guy and this guy in question is the one hitting on your girlfriend?

I agree with what your saying completely but, lets be honest, in the above case...
Lol I'd expect her to decline and tell him to leave her alone, pointing out that she's obviously in a relationship so maybe eff off elsewhere...

It's really the person getting hit on who should do something about it, OP's boyfriend is a douche. :/
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Vixen47
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Honestly? If it were me then I'd see how my partner reciprocates -- if he likes it then can have her, if he doesn't then great.

If I were you I'd tell him to deal with it because it's his problem, not yours -- the girls is after him and she's only out to get you because you're the barrier that's in her way. If it were any other girl in your position then this crazy ***** would be out for their blood. At the end of the day it is your boyfriend who needs to tell this girl to back off and that he isn't interested because that might just be the only way she'll listen.
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bingbashbosh
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My question is why did he let her do any of this? Surely he can't be that clueless

If a guy started hitting on my girlfriend in sure she would tell him to get lost politely and swiftly get out of there lol

I'd inevitably get angry but I'll just go over and subtly make it clear that I'm her boyfriend. If that fails I'd ask him to leave her alone, then to f**k off if he still didnt. Hopefully it wouldn't result in him showing off and wanting to fight me :\
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Rick_095
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Don't stand for it...seriously it's obvious that you care for him and it was only natural to feel jealous in that situation. Really he should know to stay away from her and tell her to back-off out of respect for you, it's just a general principle of loyalty, but as he doesn't seem to have that mindset then tell him to stay away from her if he loves you. If he loves you, and he's not interested in her at all, then he should have no probably about staying away from her. In my book it's not being controlling, it's asking for a little bit of loyalty, which you shouldn't even need to ask for.

But yeah, don't take my advice if it doesn't fit your situation, it's your choice what your next move is at the end of the day.
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Frankio
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I'd ask them nicely to back off. It would be wise of them to listen to that because I would be asking nicely and I only do that ONCE. If they continued I'd ask them how they'd like to lose a bunch of teeth, then make sure that they did.
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canadamoose
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#12
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I was hit on by a couple of my boyfriend's friends (they were acquaintances of mine) and they knew my boyfriend and I were in a serious relationship. At first, he ignored it and according to him, liked the attention I was getting because it affirmed what he felt about me. But when it started to bother me because they wouldn't leave me alone after telling them to stop, my boyfriend got mad. He is no longer friends with the guys who did it.

I think in your situation, I would feel the same way as you. I would try to not let it get to me, but if she pulled **** like the "who the **** do you think you are" comment, I would absolutely fight back. It was good of you to do what you did, but if your boyfriend doesn't see what went wrong and thinks you're being a drama queen, I would maybe look into a bigger problem between he and this other girl.
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Nerol
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey
I made a post a couple of weeks ago about going to my boyfriends work party and being nervous as the girl that's been trying it on with him is going.

Well I went on Saturday and sure enough this girl was absolutely awful. When my boyfriend introduced me to her she just looked the other way and didn't say hello. Throughout the night she kept banging into me and pushing me out the way on purpose. She ran over to my boyfriend ot say hello and was hanging of his neck and kissing him on the cheek but didn't even look at me. At dinner she came and sat next to my boyfriend and pulled him sort of into a headlock cuddling him and whispering in his ear for ages again purposefully ignoring me. She also kept giving me dirty looks. The final straw came when I was talking to some girls and my boyfriend was in front she came up to my boyfriend and slut dropped him and grinded up him he obvsiously just stepped to the side but what really got me was she kept hanging of him and then looked at me and smirked. So I knew she was trying to upset me. She came over to me later on and poked me saying "who the **** do you think you are" I just walked away as I wasn't going to get into a confrontation.

I don't know if I handled it wrongly I just let her do it as I didn't want to show I cared I thought holding onto my boyfriend would look clingy and like she bothered me. I however I ended up in the toilets crying on my own about it and felt so pathetic.My boyfriend was completely drunk so when I tried to talk to him about it he just told me I was being a drama queen and ruining the night. We ended up having a big argument over it as he said I was being controlling and over the top and defended the girl.

I feel so confused and **** about it all. I just think if she does that while im there what does she do on the nights out im not invited on. I also don't understand why she was so nasty and also I don't understand why my boyfriend wasn't bothered at all and said I was being a drama queen. How would you react if somebody hit on your partner?
The fact that you didn't beat that skank's face in is impressive! Talk to your boyfriend because honestly he's probably loving the attention! If he's not willing to tell her to get lost, you have much bigger problems!
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Get_Lucky_606
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Sounds like your boyf is too nice to tell her to get lost, tbh she does sound like she's trying a bit hard and definitely crossing a line - one of you needs to put her in her place!
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silverbolt
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if someone hit my gf and the didnt know she was dating me then fair enough id just make it clear that we were together. Thats usually enough to make most people back off.

Someone did what you describe id deck him.
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Lotus_Eater
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Your boyfriend needs to sort this situation out. His conduct on the night out was pathetic.

In the cold light of day he needs to be told, in no uncertain terms, that you were hugely upset by what happened and expect him to challenge it: I'm sorry, no matter how drunk I am, I wouldn't let someone grind up against me if I had a girlfriend. If he's not prepared to confront her and explicitly demand she back off then he shouldn't be going to any more nights out.
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reapingunicorn32
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#17
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey
I made a post a couple of weeks ago about going to my boyfriends work party and being nervous as the girl that's been trying it on with him is going.

Well I went on Saturday and sure enough this girl was absolutely awful. When my boyfriend introduced me to her she just looked the other way and didn't say hello. Throughout the night she kept banging into me and pushing me out the way on purpose. She ran over to my boyfriend ot say hello and was hanging of his neck and kissing him on the cheek but didn't even look at me. At dinner she came and sat next to my boyfriend and pulled him sort of into a headlock cuddling him and whispering in his ear for ages again purposefully ignoring me. She also kept giving me dirty looks. The final straw came when I was talking to some girls and my boyfriend was in front she came up to my boyfriend and slut dropped him and grinded up him he obvsiously just stepped to the side but what really got me was she kept hanging of him and then looked at me and smirked. So I knew she was trying to upset me. She came over to me later on and poked me saying "who the **** do you think you are" I just walked away as I wasn't going to get into a confrontation.

I don't know if I handled it wrongly I just let her do it as I didn't want to show I cared I thought holding onto my boyfriend would look clingy and like she bothered me. I however I ended up in the toilets crying on my own about it and felt so pathetic.My boyfriend was completely drunk so when I tried to talk to him about it he just told me I was being a drama queen and ruining the night. We ended up having a big argument over it as he said I was being controlling and over the top and defended the girl.

I feel so confused and **** about it all. I just think if she does that while im there what does she do on the nights out im not invited on. I also don't understand why she was so nasty and also I don't understand why my boyfriend wasn't bothered at all and said I was being a drama queen. How would you react if somebody hit on your partner?
This girl doesn't sound very nice and tbh, I don't know why your boyfriend is friends with this person.

You handled the situation very well, better than I would have done in a similar situation. I would talk to him when he's sober about it. Tell him about the dirty looks she gives you and how inappropriate you find it. If he were me, I would be very understanding of it and I would confront the girl about it as that's not on. None of what she did is right and she definitely needs to grow the hell up!

I hope you sort it out with your boyfriend soon
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Maid Marian
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I'd give them my best evil glare.
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