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seeing another guy when bf out of country...

my bf n i r on rocky grounds n he just left for an indefinite time abroad. he said he didnt think he'd b able to mail or anything, so ok. meanwhile, another friend who knows my bf but only slightly has asked me out as his date to some sort of dance thing. i really like him as a friend n said ok.

now my best friend (also best mate of my bf) whom i meet often says this is totally wrong, my bf just left n i'm already looking for someone else.... its just friendship but i kno my bf would hit the roof. is it wrong? i dont feel like locking myself in the house for a month coz he's away.....n the boy who asked me out is very aware of my bf n that i'm very committed to him, but he asked me as a friend as he has no current partner to bring with him...

any advice would b really nice. thx

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Reply 1

Daveinnorfolk

He's still your bf though. You asnwered your own question in my opinion

Reply 2

username9303

When you say "an indefinite time", what does that mean?

Reply 3

Suyin01

but is this "cheating"? :s-smilie:

Reply 4

Suyin01

oh well, i'm the OP :smile:

i was anon coz all 3 of the boys concerned use TSR. too late now

Reply 5

Suyin01

i mean he doesnt kno when he's due back. no promises of any contact at all for reasons that i dont really find r worthwhile but well. he says he cant, he's in europe.

Reply 6

Aspect

On what terms did you leave things though? You would usually talk about the state of your relationship and set some 'ground rules' so to speak if he is going away for a long time.

If it's an 'indefinite' time, and you can't even get in contact with him, what's the point of staying together? You said yourself that things were not going well anyway..

Reply 7

dh00001

still your boyfriend so its still cheating. but hes just ran off to europe for an unknown amount of time and cant contact anyone? is he james bond :p:

Reply 8

bunthulhu

If you're absolutely only going as a friend and there'll definitely be nothing at all happening with you as his 'date', then I guess it's okay. But maybe you should respect your boyfriends wishes? Sounds a bit funny what with him up and leaving though, I don't think I really understand the situation to be honest :confused:

Reply 9

Suyin01

things were left unclear. he told me he trusts me while he's away. i kno he'll b back within 6-8 weeks, max of 10 weeks.

i wanted 2 lay "ground rules" but he was too busy with all the packing etc to even say bye properly much less sort out anything about us. i think he assumes i will b waiting patiently for him, i always have.... anyway, i'm not the type to break up over some email he may not open for another 3 weeks...

Reply 10

Suyin01

to b honest i think he could contact me now n then if he really really wanted to, but once b4 he really messed up n i forgave him coz i love him so i think he assumes i'm too attached to leave him, even if i dont hear from him for weeks. i wanted 2 take this time to do all the things he doesnt like me doing, like just going out for lunch with a good guy-friend. he is a bit of the possessive type.....

but the party-dance thing is tonight n i dont kno what to do!! i really want to go coz i kno it'll b fun but my bf will killl me if he finds out (for that, i'd have to tell him).

Reply 11

dh00001

well do you want to stay with your boyfriend or not?

Reply 12

bunthulhu

10 weeks isn't all that long if you really love him, I don't think.

Reply 13

username9303

Just go, and if he does come back then say "nothing happened, don't you trust me?" and play it that way. Unless of course you're seen kissing someone, in which case you're asking for it.

Reply 14

Laika

Obviously it's not 'cheating' since you're just friends. As long as nothing else happens it is not cheating.

But it is sort of a betrayal since you know your boyfriend would hate it and you're doing it anyway.

Reply 15

SaraA

Call me the jealous type but if my boyfriend was taken to a party as a 'date' because I was away, I wouldn't like it one bit. In fact I would be very suspicious indeed. Especially if they were supposed to be mates with both of us...?? Think that makes sense!

Reply 16

dusk

I think you should go. Your bf has left you for an indeterminate amount of time, says he won't contact you and didn't make time to talk to you properly before you left. I hope you're at that party right now and loving it! Why the hell should you skirt round his finer feelings after that?

Reply 17

sahsum

Theres nothing wrong with it if u know truely that going to this dance thing would be truley platonic. As long as ur not lying to anyone, including yourself, I dont think ur doing anything wrong.

Reply 18

username47781

I think this is very wrong you seeing another guy while your boyfriend is out of the country, least you could have ended it with him if it was rocky before making a move on this other guy, i mean do you still love your current b/f?

Reply 19

dusk

Carl1982

She's not 'seeing him' as in 'being his girlfriend' or 'going out with him', she's going with a friend to a party - hardly infidelity! The issue is that she thinks her absent bf wouldn't approve.