What is my sexual orientation?!? Please help! Watch

whyhellosir
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Hi guys! I'm really in need of some advice regarding my sexual orientation. Yes, I know that 'only I can know,' but I really am confused. So, any help would be truly appreciated.

I'm 18 years old, and while trying to be as humble as possible, I've been told that I'm an attractive girl. Thing is, I have never had a boyfriend. Literally every time I've made out with a guy, it's always been out of physical lust with no romantic attraction. It's not that guys aren't great, it's just that every time that I've been with one, that I either feel uncomfortable/pressured because they want to go further than I do (i.e. anything more than kissing) or they like me and I feel like such crap that I just don't reciprocate. I really do try, but I'd rather be a friend. Having said that, I have once liked a guy, haha for about 2 days.. max.

I began feeling pretty mehh because throughout school, while my (girl)friends would talk about being in love with some guy or some guy crush they had, not only would I 'go along with it' - yeah he's so hot too (I guess?!), but I'd never been in love with a guy. It really sucks to feel as though you're incapable of falling in love! :confused::confused:

Now to the juicy part (haha)! At around the age of 15, I started this craze (that is still ongoing hah) where I have been watching literally every lesbian themed series/film/short film out there. No joke. I started watching that stuff religiously, and eventually the desire to see what it would be like to kiss a girl really started to develop. Moving along, I started going to a gay bar (now weekly) with my gay best friend (guy), and met this amazing girl... Kissing her was like omg fireworks. I'd never EVER made out with the same person more than once, and with her it's the sixth time and counting. I can't get her out of mind, and I'm smiling just thinking about her right this moment. I mean I've just never felt so safe and protected while being with someone... and also, it's the first time that I've just wanted to hold onto someone forever. So yep, I guess you could say that I'm in love.

Finally on to the problem. I think that I'm more sexually aroused by guys, than by girls....but more emotionally attracted to girls, than to guys(?!?!) I'm making that judgement based on 1) the porn that I get off to - as I've tried getting off to gay girl porn but can't... only straight/gay guy porn. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Gay girl porn literally does nothing for me. 2) because I find it a bit hard to envisage myself having sex with girls (and I'm honestly stiff scared about not doing it right 'down there'). I don't know if this all means that I'm not gay, or because I just find woman parts kind of confusing/don't know what to do. So, I just don't know what I am! If I say to myself: I'm a lesbian, that doesn't feel right, but when I say that I'm bisexual, that also feels weird! I just want to be one thing :/ It sucks because I've told the girl that I love that I'm gay, but am I really if guys sexually attract me? My style has always been more tomboyish, and I have developed several crushes on girls. I also find myself feeling most comfortable/at ease around LGBT+ people. I just feel at home there.

On a side note, I have had sex with a guy and that was not an enjoyable experience, but I think it was because of the way it happened.. i.e. I was drunk, had just met the guy and hardly remember a thing (only that it hurt and that I asked him to stop). :/ I think it was a one-timer because now and then I see a guy and think damn, I would do him haha. I have that with women but a bit to a lesser extent, and again, I kind of feel like I don't know what to do (whereas with a guy it feels more.. straightforward? - no pun intended). Having said that, I notice each girl's physical appearance :P (I check them out hahah).

Sooooo, what do you think that my sexual orientation is? Am I gay/bi? Is it just because I haven't had sex with a girl yet, so I don't know? :/ Should porn be a tool to judge it by? Is sexual orientation mainly defined by sexual desire?

THANKS GUYS. Means a lot! I know that I've shared a lot and written SO much (but I want you to get the whole picture). Hopefully I can sleep better at night now haha.
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christopher23
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lol
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Ilhajxichjabv
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Dont worry. some people are 'on/off' gay like Danny off Eastenders.
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zaback21
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(Original post by whyhellosir)
...............
You are most likely bi.

But if watching gay porn makes you think you are gay, then I am gay too for watching lesbian porn lol !
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mikeyd85
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How about you find someone you want to be with and be with that person and worry about some superfluous label when you've got literally nothing else left to think about?

Being worried about sex with any gender for the first time is going to be natural. If it you find a girl worth being with, she'll understand and accept that you're not sure about your sexuality and will take it slowly if that is what you want / need.

Finally, porn is a fantasy thing. It's not often an accurate representation of real sex. People forget that.
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hattiemcbinky
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only you can answer that question, but it takes some time to realise.
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gr8wizard10
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tl;dr?
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silvershadows
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homoromantic, bi(leaning towards hetro)sexual? If you really want a name for it. :dontknow:

It sounds like you're attracted to the girl more than just romatically :mmm:
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whyhellosir
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(Original post by mikeyd85)
How about you find someone you want to be with and be with that person and worry about some superfluous label when you've got literally nothing else left to think about?

Being worried about sex with any gender for the first time is going to be natural. If it you find a girl worth being with, she'll understand and accept that you're not sure about your sexuality and will take it slowly if that is what you want / need.

Finally, porn is a fantasy thing. It's not often an accurate representation of real sex. People forget that.
Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it! You gave me some good things to think about. I will try to stop worrying and also try going for it with the girl that I really like - I think ultimately that will show me what I feel. And haha so true about porn. Thanks again!
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Ben 96
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