The Student Room Group

What are girls thoughts on a guy approaching them in the street?

If done properly, would you find it flattering?

For example, if a guy came up and said "Hi, i literally just saw you and thought you looked nice, so wanted to come and introduce myself/meet you" "my name is [name], you are?"

Continue to chat for a little while, but see if you wanted to go for a quick coffee or exchange numbers and meet up again sometime.

It is random, but there's many mixed thoughts on this. Do you think it's fine as long as it isn't creepy? I've heard some women say it would be nice if the guy did it in a non-creepy, non-threatening way.

Maybe even indirectly approaching, asking for directions, then lead the direction talk towards a chat, maybe the guy complimenting something you're wearing, saying he'd like to buy something like that for a female family member's birthday etc.

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Reply 1
If he's good looking its fine. If not its creepy.
I would be quite creeped out tbh. It would be slightly less creepier if I was approached indirectly, like directions for example.


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don't like to be bothered so I wouldn't think it's ok

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I would be flattered but I'd probably be a bit wary of actually going on a date with someone who approached me like that.
Reply 5
as a male who regards himself as quite able to defend himself, I would still be very wary of someone like that - male or female.
You hear so many stories of people being trafficked, abducted, killed, etc. It's a dangerous world!
I'd find it flattering if it came across as genuine. People meet in all kinds of ways. I'd want to chat to them for a while first though rather than be expected to give out my details right away for another meeting.
Reply 7
Nope, comes across as weird, socially awkward and pick-up-artist (AKA loser)-ish.
Reply 8
If you're charming and got the gift of the gab then I imagine any girl would love it.

If you approach them looking like an awkward ****, stuttering and such most girls will be thinking "Who is this man and why is he stopping me from getting to my shopping destination. **** off"

Altho thats not always the case. My friend is shy/awkward as **** but he saw a girl out shopping that he thought was stunning. I told him to just go talk to her. He went up, it was awkward, her friends did the whole giggling thing but yeah they're going out now. She told me she was really flattered that a shy, awkward guy like my friend would pluck up the courage to talk to her and approach her like that.

So overall its just like any other situation regarding the other sex. The girl might or might not like it thus DO IT ANYWAY!
I don't think I would mind it's like that thing where you see someone cool or maybe a band shirt you like randomly in town and you don't know how to approach them or if you'll see them again so I would find it pretty cool tbh


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Reply 10
Original post by Alpha brah
Nope, comes across as weird, socially awkward and pick-up-artist (AKA loser)-ish.


is this just if its in the street? I find talking to a stranger is often the only way to meet anybody these days

I dunno if it differes over there, but I found as I got older people are so reluctant to network, introduce you to people they know or include them in things

its like people dont want to allow someone new into their bubble lol,

makes meeting people alot harder, I miss being a child when youd say hi to another child, instantly have somthing in common and be friends from there on if only adult life was so simple lol.
So I live in Dubai, where things like this barely happen. I arrived yesterday in Edinburgh, went to the high streets, and this cute guy approached me saying "Hey love, what are you doing?" and I said "Shopping" and he was like "Can I go shopping with you?" and honestly, it freaked me out :teehee:

But in a way, if someone came up to me and called me "beautiful", I wouldn't exactly be creeped out, I'd just find it weird :innocent:
Reply 12
Original post by LukeM90
is this just if its in the street? I find talking to a stranger is often the only way to meet anybody these days

I dunno if it differes over there, but I found as I got older people are so reluctant to network, introduce you to people they know or include them in things

its like people dont want to allow someone new into their bubble lol,

makes meeting people alot harder, I miss being a child when youd say hi to another child, instantly have somthing in common and be friends from there on if only adult life was so simple lol.


Well yeah, if it's in the street it's a complete stranger. Often women are sexually harassed/insulted if they refuse a guy's advances too. I agree with you about society generally being less friendly though.

Also, I've found a lot of guys who seem to think it's OK to hit on women on the street (the pick up artisty loser types) absolutely have no regard for those women's personal space and wish to be left alone. When you mention the fact that lots of women (most of the ones I know) don't like being hit on in the street, they make out that it's the women's fault for being "stuck-up" or other crap and that women should be grateful, and who cares if the women feel uncomfortable? Which is BS of course, people aren't entitled to a stranger's attention.
(edited 10 years ago)
Rightly or wrongly, it would probably annoy me and I'd just want to be getting on with whatever it was I was doing (presumably walking along the street).

Someone once casually approached me whilst I was sat on a bench in Hyde Park and asked me on a date. I feel I may not have been very kind in letting him down.
Reply 14
Original post by Alpha brah
people aren't entitled to a stranger's attention.



Didn't meant to give the impression I thought it was ok, just saying if it wasnt on a street, say it was in a library for example, and a guy approached a female patron, didnt go so well and he just said ok fair enough and left,

is that still bad?

Im actually genuinely interested tbh, because I'd love to know how the majority of people meet new people xD
Reply 15
Original post by LukeM90
Didn't meant to give the impression I thought it was ok, just saying if it wasnt on a street, say it was in a library for example, and a guy approached a female patron, didnt go so well and he just said ok fair enough and left,

is that still bad?

Im actually genuinely interested tbh, because I'd love to know how the majority of people meet new people xD


I reckon it's probably more OK in a library so long as you're respectful, as it's a safer area/not an area women often get harassed in so it won't come across as that imposing. Also, context makes a difference :smile:

The street rule isn't necessarily hard and fast IMO, but I got the impression from the way OP was phrased he's one of those guys who plans to try cheesy chat-up lines on every pretty face he sees, as opposed to talk to one particular girl he's seen and fancies, which really ain't on IMO. Retarded PUAs who go on about "day game" and treat women like disposable objects to be manipulated disgust me.

I'd say the majority of people meet new people through education/career/hobbies on common, ofc/at parties, through family and friends they already have, through meet-up groups definitely not through talking to random strangers in public. How do you meet new people? :dontknow: This is also clearly not just a way for OP to meet new friends, c'mon nobody does it that way. It's not about being "friendly" anyway.
Reply 16
as shallow as this sound, girls will think it's creepy unless you're good looking.
Reply 17
Original post by summer26
as shallow as this sound, girls will think it's creepy unless you're good looking.


I'd find it creepy if a stranger approached me on the street even if he looked like the love child of Chestbrah, Torrez and Liam Hemsworth TBH

Being stereotypically "good looking" doesn't prevent one from having bad social skills and awareness.
Reply 18
I have been approached by at a guess at least 200 guys over the last 4 years. I am not exceptional looking, in fact I was bullied for being hideous - I just live in a high density city and tend to walk everywhere alone.

Some of those situations have been extremely uncomfortable. Do not be persistent. If she clearly isn't comfortable and is telling you she doesn't want to be talking/give her number, is even walking faster to get away from you: do not follow her, leave her alone. I really don't understand why 99% of men that I'm uncomfortable around don't see that there is no hope, I will only feel worse and worse about them the more they hound me.

There have been a handful of pleasant genuine conversations I've had when approached the street. I refuse to treat anyone unfairly - if someone comes and asks me for directions or talks to me I will treat them as any other human being. Sometimes I think they're a really genuine person who happened to see me and wondered what I was like - without being the kind to normally do that to someone and without only looking for one thing. Those people I will give my time of day, but I will never give my phone number... I can't completely trust their motives.

Only a handful are like that though, the majority are creepy, persistent, obviously using tricks/ploys/lies, degrading and dehumanising me, taking away my free will to decide whether I wanted to have anything to do with them because they already decided they wanted to be involved with me.

I've had horrible things said to me on the street for rejecting advances. I am always polite but firm, so as not to lead anyone on but also not to be unnecessarily rude.

Here are two opposite examples:

I fell asleep on the train. A man in his twenties woke me to let me know we were at the last stop, I thanked him and we both got off the train. He seemed nervous, quite sweet, he asked me where I was headed and I didn't mind engaging him in conversation. We walked for about 15 minutes talking, he was telling me about his job and a bit about his life, mentioned it was hard to meet new people and that I seemed nice and complimented my appearance. Eventually he admitted that he actually needed to go the other direction but had just been walking my way because he wanted to talk, and asked for my number. I declined as politely as I could - I can't bring myself to give anyone my number under the context that they are already interested in me romantically and I am not interested in them (I never feel attraction to someone I don't know).

This one happened just recently and really shook me up/upset me:
I had just been on a run, was in sweaty baggy joggers and walking back home. I had headphones on listening to music on a main road. A man approached me boldly and quickly saying things I couldn't hear, I thought he was just with some other people out on a Friday night for a laugh and show-boating in front of them by approaching me or something. I took my headphones off but still didn't catch what he was saying, he came right up to me into my space and asked me to come to his flat which was right there. I realised the other people weren't with him and had gone.
Me: No thank you, I'm going home.
Him: Where do you live?
Me: I don't want to tell you that.
Him: Where do you live?
Me: I don't...
Him: ... Where do you live? Where do you live? Where do you live?
Me: I don't want to tell you.
Him: Well just come to my flat then, it's right here! What is that? Headphones? *takes them from me and puts them on*
Me: Uh... yes... but, I want to go home now *takes them back*
Him: Just come to my flat!
Me: But I'm engaged! *shows ring*
Him: *looks annoyed*... Well... I live right here... *puts his arms right around me to hug me tightly and tries to kiss my cheek, I am pushing away as forcefully as I can*
Me: You can't do that to people on the street!
Him: Why not? Just come to my house.
Me: I am going home. *starts walking away very fast*
Him: *slightly aggressive tone shouting after me non-stop* THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU *until I was out of earshot*

I don't even know what he meant by that, but it really unsettled me. I felt sickened when I got home. Most women have had similar unpleasant experiences on the street, on public transport, in shopping centres.... so you have to remember, they probably will be extremely wary of you.
Reply 19
Original post by Ribbits

I fell asleep on the train. A man in his twenties woke me to let me know we were at the last stop, I thanked him and we both got off the train. He seemed nervous, quite sweet, he asked me where I was headed and I didn't mind engaging him in conversation. We walked for about 15 minutes talking, he was telling me about his job and a bit about his life, mentioned it was hard to meet new people and that I seemed nice and complimented my appearance. Eventually he admitted that he actually needed to go the other direction but had just been walking my way because he wanted to talk, and asked for my number. I declined as politely as I could - I can't bring myself to give anyone my number under the context that they are already interested in me romantically and I am not interested in them (I never feel attraction to someone I don't know).


I read all your post and whilst that last person does sound shocking and an absolute mental people I think with the guy above you were far too harsh/paranoid not to give your number out.

You assumed he was romantically interested in you? incorrect. he found you attractive and after talking to you decided he wanted your number. You refused under the assumption that he is more interested in you because you don't feel attraction towards people you only just met.

However...how is he supposed to get to know you/you know him if you don't give him any form of communication with you. If you don't like giving your phone number out (by the way, if you do give your number out and it does all go tits up you can easily block that number by either using an app to block the number or contact your service provider who will do it in 5 seconds. No switching phones, no switching numbers) then give him an email address or something like that.

All I'm saying is that you aren't giving ANY guys a chance because of the mental dickheads. The guy in you example could have been perfect for you or just a decent guy but you never gave him the chance to show this. Just assumed he was a weirdo because he found you attractive?

odd.

I'm male and I've been "chatted up" by a girl out shopping before. She was a sales woman for Beats Headphones. I assumed she was just doing sales bull**** and told her "Hey like I know you have to do this but I really hate Beats and Dr Dre is a sellout **** so yeah I'm not interested" to which she said "haha I agree. I go for SennHeizer normally but I'm so bored, stay and chat for a bit" So I did, had a laugh. Got her number, met a couple times, really nice girl but nothing came from it. Still talk to her though. I assumed she was doing sales **** throughout the whole conversation in HMV but gave her a chance and she wasn't doing that.

Give people a chance, even the smallest chance and some will surprise you.
(edited 10 years ago)

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