The Student Room Group

I feel old - girls make me feel old

I'm 20, fairly fit, mentally lazy and relationship wise, a bit naive, but generally I'm a pretty mature guy. Without sounding arrogant, I generally have the answers to the questions I'm faced with, and my decision making is sound etc - people have said before that I'm a mature guy.

In my day-to-day life, I like doing funny/silly things, which can make me come across as a pretty youthful/immature guy... I sometimes like tapping people on their far shoulder and enjoying them turn their heads the opposite direction to me, I sometimes like insulting people with cuss-words you'd normally only use if you were under 10/a teenager, I like doing stupid **** and trying out new things even if it makes me look like an idiot, a little bit of an attention-seeker but not really.

So why is that whenever I talk to a girl younger than me, I feel really old? Partially it's my fault because generally I talk to, and get on with, girls younger than me, better than girls who are older than me (I mean girls between the ages of 16-18). Or even for girls my own age, I somehow get along with those better who are under-confident/treat guys like they're an older brother/tell guys or give off the impression that they have self-esteem problems. But the thing is, it's hard for me to get in situations where I can talk to girls older than me, and I guess whilst I do enjoy it, girls older than you are genuinely hard to pull (into a relationship).

I always feel like it ends up in the situation where I end up giving the girl advice, I end up being some kind of 'don't worry, you're young, things will work out soon' type of mentor for them or something. Whether this advice is about a break up or about their UCAS or whatever the ****, it always, always feels like I'm older, more mature, hardened by life or something. It just feels like I'm 'there' for them in their time of need, and that I'm qualified for the role because I'm a mature guy, and that's my only role.

And I really, really don't want to feel like that, I want a girl who'll be my equal, who I'll go to for advice, who I'll have fun with rather than try to spend my time convincing them that they actually are beautiful or whatever. I'm only 20, I don't feel like my role in a relationship should be that of an older brother, like I said before, I'm definitely a young guy, I don't enjoy having to take this role on. And this is across everything, girls I meet at uni, girls I met at school, girls from TSR who I've had PM conversations with, girls at parties/clubs not so much but just a little. Sometimes I feel like it's a deliberate tactic from girls to proclaim their low self-esteem just to get some male attention.

What do I do to counter this, how can I steer conversations to stop this happening, and how do I get to know girls who are more confident etc? For the last 4 years, since I was 16 and I really got involved with girls in that way, I've generally played the role of sympathiser, mentor, advisor, whatever, and I really cannot be ****ed to do it anymore.
Reply 1
So you get on better and talk to girls who treat you like an older brother and you're concerned that they then treat you like an older brother? :hmmmm:

The obvious solution to avoid the problem is talk to girls your own age, who will be of equal if not greater maturiity, but then you face the issue of not getting on with them.
Reply 2
You're a lot like me, plus we're the same age. I'll be watching the responses on this thread :biggrin:
Reply 3
I just finished texting an old friend of mine - I tried it on with her fairly hard and she never seemed interested, but I've always really liked her. She insults me and teases me and generally has a wit to match mine. I don't ever feel any need to show maturity around her, but I guess maybe that's why she doesn't like me, or maybe she never gives me an opportunity to show maturity - she's never felt the need to open upto me about anything. I've met way prettier girls who've been more interested in me, and yet none of them have really captured my imagination like this girl did/does. There have been a few others who've been like this one but none have really lasted. Why are there not more girls like this, where's the confidence and personality?
Why do you go for younger girls then?
Reply 5
Original post by Le Nombre
So you get on better and talk to girls who treat you like an older brother and you're concerned that they then treat you like an older brother? :hmmmm:

The obvious solution to avoid the problem is talk to girls your own age, who will be of equal if not greater maturiity, but then you face the issue of not getting on with them.


It's harder, because I'm not the most physically attractive of guys (though I'm working on it), and because I find it much easier to get into talking situations with girls younger than me. Girls love older guys, and I guess I make use of that when I try and get someone.

Girls my own age are just harder - there's noone and my course or uni that I like and so I guess I'm left with trying to pull randomers, which is difficult given my (lack of?) physique.
Reply 6
why is that whenever I talk to a girl younger than me, I feel really old?

Christ, OP, I don't know!
Reply 7
Original post by Dragonfly07
Why do you go for younger girls then?


For some reason, I find them more interesting. I guess I like the naivety and they seem to have more enthusiasm/vigour for life. I hate using words like that but generally they seem more fun to be around. Maybe it's just in my particular case that I don't like any of the girls on my course.

And a lot of the time, they are more attractive - the year below me at school always had more hot girls than my own year.
You've just said yourself that you like talk to girls who are younger than you and are "under-confident/treat guys like they're an older brother/tell guys or give off the impression that they have self-esteem problems", and then you're complaining that you don't want to be in that situation.
Talk to girls your own age who aren't like that then.
Reply 9
Original post by Daniellejo.
You've just said yourself that you like talk to girls who are younger than you and are "under-confident/treat guys like they're an older brother/tell guys or give off the impression that they have self-esteem problems", and then you're complaining that you don't want to be in that situation.
Talk to girls your own age who aren't like that then.


It's not that, it's just that the girls I find interesting also seem to have these problems a lot of the time.

I do try to, but I've explained above lol.
Reply 10
You'e 20. Girls younger than you are kids. Girls a bit older than you are still young and most still have this 'vigour for life' you so enjoy.

What do you want in a girlfriend? The qualities you like in the younger girls, or the qualities you think you'll find in an older girl? Or a combination of both?

Really, age doesn't have much to do with it. You attract these types of girls because you act in a manner than attracts these type of girls. It's nothing to do with them. If you want to attract a girl who is witty and who you can go to for advice, start being witty around girls and asking them for advice. If you want maturity, start mature conversations.
Reply 11
Original post by Nerol
You'e 20. Girls younger than you are kids. Girls a bit older than you are still young and most still have this 'vigour for life' you so enjoy.

What do you want in a girlfriend? The qualities you like in the younger girls, or the qualities you think you'll find in an older girl? Or a combination of both?

Really, age doesn't have much to do with it. You attract these types of girls because you act in a manner than attracts these type of girls. It's nothing to do with them. If you want to attract a girl who is witty and who you can go to for advice, start being witty around girls and asking them for advice. If you want maturity, start mature conversations.


This.
Reply 12
Original post by Nerol
You'e 20. Girls younger than you are kids. Girls a bit older than you are still young and most still have this 'vigour for life' you so enjoy.

What do you want in a girlfriend? The qualities you like in the younger girls, or the qualities you think you'll find in an older girl? Or a combination of both?

Really, age doesn't have much to do with it. You attract these types of girls because you act in a manner than attracts these type of girls. It's nothing to do with them. If you want to attract a girl who is witty and who you can go to for advice, start being witty around girls and asking them for advice. If you want maturity, start mature conversations.


I'm not really in the position that I can go for any girl, I'm not that 'good'.

I want basically a younger girl, but without any of the older brother role attached. It's annoying as ****.

I guess it's hard to say what I want, and I guess I am quite picky.

Thanks for the responses guys.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm 20, fairly fit, mentally lazy and relationship wise, a bit naive, but generally I'm a pretty mature guy. Without sounding arrogant, I generally have the answers to the questions I'm faced with, and my decision making is sound etc - people have said before that I'm a mature guy.

In my day-to-day life, I like doing funny/silly things, which can make me come across as a pretty youthful/immature guy... I sometimes like tapping people on their far shoulder and enjoying them turn their heads the opposite direction to me, I sometimes like insulting people with cuss-words you'd normally only use if you were under 10/a teenager, I like doing stupid **** and trying out new things even if it makes me look like an idiot, a little bit of an attention-seeker but not really.

So why is that whenever I talk to a girl younger than me, I feel really old? Partially it's my fault because generally I talk to, and get on with, girls younger than me, better than girls who are older than me (I mean girls between the ages of 16-18). Or even for girls my own age, I somehow get along with those better who are under-confident/treat guys like they're an older brother/tell guys or give off the impression that they have self-esteem problems. But the thing is, it's hard for me to get in situations where I can talk to girls older than me, and I guess whilst I do enjoy it, girls older than you are genuinely hard to pull (into a relationship).

I always feel like it ends up in the situation where I end up giving the girl advice, I end up being some kind of 'don't worry, you're young, things will work out soon' type of mentor for them or something. Whether this advice is about a break up or about their UCAS or whatever the ****, it always, always feels like I'm older, more mature, hardened by life or something. It just feels like I'm 'there' for them in their time of need, and that I'm qualified for the role because I'm a mature guy, and that's my only role.

And I really, really don't want to feel like that, I want a girl who'll be my equal, who I'll go to for advice, who I'll have fun with rather than try to spend my time convincing them that they actually are beautiful or whatever. I'm only 20, I don't feel like my role in a relationship should be that of an older brother, like I said before, I'm definitely a young guy, I don't enjoy having to take this role on. And this is across everything, girls I meet at uni, girls I met at school, girls from TSR who I've had PM conversations with, girls at parties/clubs not so much but just a little. Sometimes I feel like it's a deliberate tactic from girls to proclaim their low self-esteem just to get some male attention.

What do I do to counter this, how can I steer conversations to stop this happening, and how do I get to know girls who are more confident etc? For the last 4 years, since I was 16 and I really got involved with girls in that way, I've generally played the role of sympathiser, mentor, advisor, whatever, and I really cannot be ****ed to do it anymore.


Try talking to women over 25 and you’ll feel brand new
lmao this is adorable

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