The Student Room Group

Wary of starting a new relationship - thoughts?

Im a guy in my early 20s, currently in a situation where Im getting quite close to a girl Im meeting up with soon, but even though I like her a lot, i dont know how I feel about getting into a new relationship.

Its been half a year now since my last relationship ended. I have not had that many relationships but they have all been long and bad and upsetting - arguing, violence, and a lot of hurt. Although I am not a violent or aggressive person, there have been times in past relationships where I have been violent and aggressive - but only in retaliation. I hate arguing or fighting and violence as I had quite a lot of it at home whilst growing up, being beaten and bullied and i always put up with things directed against me for a long period of time - being hit, critisised,threatened etc, but then eventually I just snap and lash out. One girl I hit back after being repeatedly hit by her, and another I choke-slammed into the wall after she made my face bleed after hitting and kicking me in an argument. These have really upset me as I hate violence more than anything but I always seem to let myself get walked over or controlled until I snap. I know that's not really an excuse, but following these episodes Iv spent days upset and constantly vomiting from being upset.

All I want is a pleasant, loving and affectionate relationship, but my last 2 have left me in a sort of shell shocked state where I dont want to be close to anyone, shut myself off for weeks at a time, I dont want anyone to touch me sexually and I dont trust anyone. I dont know how to react to my various judgements or actions in the past or what to think of them - recently Iv been looking inward a lot and blaming myself and self harming and feeling suicidal.

I really want to have a secure and happy and trusting relationship - I like this new girl but Im vary wary of how to approach it or how much to let her in etc. I dont want to hurt anyone else either.

Please give your thoughts on it?
Reply 1
Avatar for chloelg
chloelg
2
After being in a rough relationship myself I kind of get how you are feeling.
My advice would be to explain briefly to this girl that you have had a tough time in the past with relationships and this has made you very insecure. Tell her how you like her, but want to take things slowly. If she doesn't understand this then you both would have problems with a relationship. I am now in a relationship and have been for just over a year, I was extremely insecure/paranoid/had trust issues etc at the beginning but my boyfriend understood this and that is why it has worked so well.
So, I think you should tell her your insecurities and hopefully she will understand and support this.. If she doesn't, well I'm sure you could do much better :smile:

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you