Applying to exchange program (motivation letter)

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Hi all, I am applying for an exchange program at a university in Europe. I have to write a motivation letter where I have to state why I want to study abroad and why they should choose me. I have an excellent grade list so that would not be a problem but I am worried about my letter. Can anybody tell me how to improve my letter?

PS: My name is not Barack and I do not go to Mordor

Dear Sirs,

I am pleased to write this letter in order to apply for a position in your exchange program. My name is Barack Obama, and I am a student International Econometrics and Operations Research at the Erasmus University in Rotterdam and a proud member of this years Dean's List, created for the best 25 students of the Erasmus School of Economics. I am 17 years old and my hobbies include tennis, field hockey and golf.

There are various reasons that make me want to study at ABC. First of all, ABC is one of the best universities in the field of business and economics. Since I aspire a career in Investment Banking, studying at ABC would be of a great help considering job prospects at the bulge bracket banks, since former students of ABC are highly regarded in the financial world. I was also excited when I noticed that you offer courses as ‘Mergers and Acquisitions’ and ‘Investment Banking’. These courses would provide me with a deeper knowledge and more insight in subjects that are necessary for my future career path.

Second is the opportunity to gain international experience in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. I think studying, living and having a good time with other international students will broaden my horizon and enable to build friendships with other students from all over the world. Studying abroad at ABC seems like the perfect opportunity to meet a completely different culture, learn another language, experience other educational system and enrich my curriculum vitae, as well as gain more independence.

Last but not least is the chance to dwell in the famous city of Mordor. The city offers a great variety for spending your time. I want to visit all the cultural attractions Mordor has to offer, for example the tower of Sauron or the orc town. I am a big football fan too. In Holland we don't have any big international clubs but with Inter and AC Mordor playing I will be definitely having a great time visiting their matches!

I am confident I would prove to be an enthusiastic and hard working student.
Thank you for considering my request and I look forward to your positive response.

Yours faithfully,

Barack Obama

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