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Best friend forgetting us for a boy

quintsy

17

resolved

Reply 1

dh00001

16

wow that was long and confusing.

she sounds very selfish to arrange this on the same day as your friends birthday. it would have been better to continue with original plans and allow him to tag along, although its easy to say that now its happened. oh and the whole slagging your friends off thing is out of order.
what did you say when she asked what you thaught? and how old are you all?
tell her how you feel and that you think youll end up loosing her, but she might want to spend time with him if she realy likes him, just make sure she knows how you all feel.

Reply 2

quintsy

OP

17

When she asked me, I told her honestly that I'm sure he's a perfectly decent person, but the situation wasn't ideal. I mentioned that it's perfectly fine if she wants to see him more often if she really likes him, but that we're a bit worried we won't see so much of her. She just said that her weekends were her free time and she could do what she wanted. Most kind, eh? :smile:

Reply 3

Bubblebee

15

Is she the first of you to have a real boyfriend? If so, then maybe she is trying to rub it in a bit. I'd say not to worry these things never last and to just leave it to burn out and fade away...but you will probobly end up being the shoulder to cry on too!

Reply 4

quintsy

OP

17

Bubblebee

Is she the first of you to have a real boyfriend? If so, then maybe she is trying to rub it in a bit. I'd say not to worry these things never last and to just leave it to burn out and fade away...but you will probobly end up being the shoulder to cry on too!

Yep- we've all liked people in the past really, but it does make it harder because we go to a single sex school. You can only see the person at the weekends, and that's when you see your other friends too. Plus mixing the two doesn't really work, as we found out yesterday. :rolleyes:

It does seem like one of those things which none of us has a great deal of control over, and probably will be left and it will rectify itself in time.

It's possible she's trying to rub it in a bit, as one of our friends has just got a boyfriend and my best friend was in disbelief. She likes to be the first to do things, and she's quite a competitive person.

Reply 5

Bubblebee

15

Yes well hopefully this might just be a 'thing' and she won't get into a bad relationship, and next time the guy will make an effort to be friends with you too! I find with my mates I can happily hang out with their partners...

I do feel sorry for you going to an all girls school, my mum wanted to send me to one but I kicked up such a fuss about it I got into the one I wanted!

Reply 6

quintsy

OP

17

Thanks.

It's fine at the school, other than the issues which come about like this as a result of the segregation and the competitiveness (girls are even more bitchy when you have 1000+ of them in the same building..) with regards to grades; boyfriends etc.

Anyway, I hope it does turn out alright and she doesn't get hurt. Apparently he's had quite a few girlfriends in the past and isn't the most committed of people.

Reply 7

Princess In Disguise

oh i hate it when that happens :hugs:

tell her how you feel and then you can see whether she's a real mate or not

Reply 8

generalebriety

16

That's a horrible thing for someone to do. I should know, it's happened to me a few times now. Make her realise that you're supposed to be her friend and even if she loves this guy she has to realise you're still around. Don't tell her it won't last and so on because no one believes that when they first start having relationships... but make your feelings known, and if she doesn't like it, to hell with her. Trust me, it will be less painful for you in the long run.

Reply 9

quintsy

OP

17

Thanks

I can kind of see it from her perspective; she's met a knew person and right now wants to get to know them better. She knows where she stands with us, because we're her friends and she doesn't have to impress us. On the other hand, she feels she has to impress her new friend, and as a result spends more time with him to get them up to a comfortable level where they don't feel they have to keep impressing each other.

The only problem is, like I said to her, even though she feels she knows where she stands with us, if she sees us less and less we might not eventually be there for her- which could be a problem if the relationship is short lived.

Reply 10

username18215

10

Are you 14?

Reply 11

Princess In Disguise

that was random md red uk

Reply 12

quintsy

OP

17

md_red_uk

Are you 14?

I have a feeling this is going to lead to either a "you'll all grow out of it", or another "at your age" comment, but.. Just turned 15 a bit over a month ago.

I'm going to regret this..

Reply 13

SuperhansFavouriteAlsatian

Slam the tart in the face.

Reply 14

ciara

13

Regardless of the bigger issue of losing your best friend to this guy, what she did on that Saturday was out of order. And maybe I'd just be too annoyed for the diplomacy, but I'd tell her so. Friends, however close they are, need to know the boundaries, and behaving like a desperate and selfish 13 year old (no offence intended if you are actually 13) is just annoying. I think maybe cool it with her for a while until she realises that you're not really interested, and if she actually asks then just say you're a bit disappointed in her that she didn't seem to care about how your friend felt on her birthday as she was too busy with a guy she barely knows.

Reply 15

generalebriety

16

suuuuuuseh

Thanks

I can kind of see it from her perspective; she's met a knew person and right now wants to get to know them better. She knows where she stands with us, because we're her friends and she doesn't have to impress us. On the other hand, she feels she has to impress her new friend, and as a result spends more time with him to get them up to a comfortable level where they don't feel they have to keep impressing each other.

The only problem is, like I said to her, even though she feels she knows where she stands with us, if she sees us less and less we might not eventually be there for her- which could be a problem if the relationship is short lived.

Of course. But she won't believe the relationship will be short-lived. No one meets their first boy/girlfriend thinking "this is going to be a great three weeks and then I'll lose all my friends", because if they did, no one would bother. :smile:

If you want to be there for her - and I wanted to be there for my friend when he did this to me, but he wouldn't let me :confused:

- back off from her a bit, even if she is being a complete bitch, and just let her do her own thing without you. It'll die out and she'll come crawling... or be incredibly embarrassed. But either way, don't blame yourself for her turning into an idiot - we probably all do, accidentally. What she's doing is not nice at all, but it's forgivable, and besides, you might end up doing the same. :smile:

Reply 16

Vetinari

8

Exact some painful revenge. Let her arrange things with the guy, but never go with her to be the gooseberry she can just ignore. When she arranges something (and especially when its something as bitchy as arranging it over the top of plans for someones birthday) make plans with the rest of your friends to meet up and do something different. She'll feel left out and pushed to the side - especially when her little relationship with the guy falls apart and she is forced to come crawling back.

You've got to either make it very clear to her that what she did isn't acceptable, or you should give her a little taste of her own medicene. Talking to about it seems like the nicer way to go about it, but people generally don't take the hint when are nice about things.

Reply 17

Laika

1

This happens to absolutely everyone when they meet someone. Even the best and most loyal of friends go through this. You'd probably do the same if you met someone you really liked.

Give it time and when the novelty wears off for her, you'll go back to being best buds, so don't allow a rift or bitterness to arise in the mean time or that could ruin it.

Best friend forgetting us for a boy

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