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Two different lives
I dont know why it is but I feel I am a completely different person at school than I am out of school. Im 17 and just finished my AS levels.
Outside of school, I meet people easily, am very sociable and girls seem to find me pretty attractive (I even do some modelling). A couple of days ago at work a girl Ive never even met before came up and gave me her number.
At school though, I dont stand out, Im not that popular, I never get girls coming upto me like that/finding me attractive and Im just classed as a bit of an average joe.
Is this quite common? Is it just the social heirachy within schools that causes this difference between it and reality?
Either way, it is damaging my confidence. Im quite around my freinds from school and rarely ever go out with them.
does anyone else experience this?
Outside of school, I meet people easily, am very sociable and girls seem to find me pretty attractive (I even do some modelling). A couple of days ago at work a girl Ive never even met before came up and gave me her number.
At school though, I dont stand out, Im not that popular, I never get girls coming upto me like that/finding me attractive and Im just classed as a bit of an average joe.
Is this quite common? Is it just the social heirachy within schools that causes this difference between it and reality?
Either way, it is damaging my confidence. Im quite around my freinds from school and rarely ever go out with them.
does anyone else experience this?
Scroll to see replies
No, i dont think this is even an experience.
The people at school see you everyday, course your an average joe. What your just upset you dont get loads of attention at school? :\ Your not guna get girls throwing themselves at you at school because they know if it doesnt work out or they get rejected, they have to continues seeing you everyday!
The people at school see you everyday, course your an average joe. What your just upset you dont get loads of attention at school? :\ Your not guna get girls throwing themselves at you at school because they know if it doesnt work out or they get rejected, they have to continues seeing you everyday!
I think perhaps a lot of people feel that they have two or more different "lives" or "personalities", depending on who they're with. Basically, you interact differently with people according to who they are. Perhaps you're more respectful to your teachers than to your parents - your teachers might be quite amazed at how brattish you sometimes act with your parents! Maybe if you feel sad when you're at home, you're more likely to let it out than when you're with your friends, because you don't want to seem weedy or whatever to them. It naturally follows that you'll act differently around different sets of friends. Perhaps it just so happens that you feel more confident around your out-of-school friends than your school friends, and so you walk tall, smile nicely and look like a bit of a stunner out of school, and hunch your shoulders and don't say much while you're in school. That's fine - enjoy both sides of your personality. When you're confident, revel in it, when you're quiet, enjoy the peace you get.
Alternatively, it could be that your schoolfriends have known you for longer than your out-of-school friends. They remember you when you were a scrawny little Year 7 dude, then a grunty Year 9 and so your transformation or whatever into ultra-cool 6th former has sort of gone unnoticed. Whereas when you're at work, most of your workmates will have known you only for a few months or so, so you're more of a novelty to them and in turn, you find them more interesting.
Whatever the reason, it happens to most people, so don't worry!
xxx
Alternatively, it could be that your schoolfriends have known you for longer than your out-of-school friends. They remember you when you were a scrawny little Year 7 dude, then a grunty Year 9 and so your transformation or whatever into ultra-cool 6th former has sort of gone unnoticed. Whereas when you're at work, most of your workmates will have known you only for a few months or so, so you're more of a novelty to them and in turn, you find them more interesting.
Whatever the reason, it happens to most people, so don't worry!
xxx
People in school know you better. You're nothing special and you've been nothing special for __ years. People out of school don't know you. They meet you and like you. Maybe if you acted in school like you act out of school, people would pay attention to you because of the sudden change in personality. It's probably not them making you shy - it's your shyness making them not notice you.
Don't worry! I'm almost exactly like that! (apart from the modelling bit)
...The conclusion that I've come to is that my friends were the ones that were holding me back! You say that you're 17 so just let one more year past and then you're free of them!
Btw are you a girl or a guy?
Btw are you a girl or a guy?
Why do you feel the need to post that in anon#2? What a waste!
A waste of what?
Of using the anonymous, when you don't need to use it!
Sigh, I hate idiot anons for no reason. btw
Perhaps anon#2 feels insecure about this topic. What difference does it make to you anyway?
Anonymous
Perhaps anon#2 feels insecure about this topic. What difference does it make to you anyway?
Yea
Anonymous#3
Perhaps anon#2 feels insecure about this topic. What difference does it make to you anyway?
Well if your feeling insecure about this topic why bother posting it then? And anon #3 why do you feel the need to use anon when you clearly don't need it?
Arghhh! Forget about that! Get back on topic! I agree with Ywiss.
sorry lyndzxx i just felt like being rude to someone...lol dont worry
Ok fine, but again the anon thing. lol! Stop it. Only use it when you really need to use it, thats what i do.
You're Welcome! Yeah i should just leave it, people using anon just like that when they don't need it, it drives me mad lol! Okay back to topic....
To the op, do you think your personality changes when your eaither in school/work? If so i think you should be yourself.
Yeah i should just leave it, people using anon just like that when they don't need it, it drives me mad lol! Okay back to topic....To the op, do you think your personality changes when your eaither in school/work? If so i think you should be yourself.
Lyndzxx
Why do you feel the need to post that in anon#2? What a waste!
Yeah! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY RAINFORESTS WERE CUT DOWN FOR YOU TO USE THAT ANONYMOUS FEATURE, YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!?
Anonymity is also a good way to create some nice "different lives", you know?
O.P.
I would point out at what Luigi Pirandello has taught us...
Every person in this world is "One, No One, And A Hundred Thousand". In the beginning, we may attach ourselves to the romantic illusion of identity and personality. I as a person see myself as "one".
However, the more people I meet, the more I feel treated in different ways. Each individual person, from your parents, to your friends, to your employers sees you in "a hundred thousand" different ways, which may or may not correspond to your self-image (whether you're confident or not) or to the image others have of you.
In "reality", you're "no one" of these images, since each one is created by the others or by yourself.
However, you have the freedom to feed or deny these images, the freedom to act whatever personality or identity you want to... which is the formula for a dynamic open-mindedness.
It's not your past or your personal history that makes your life, but the way you act and live your present life from moment to moment!
From my own personal experience, I can say that if you worry too much about how your old friends and schoolmates see you - in contrast to how people see you outside -, you might need longer time to accept the diversity of the world, and to "grow up".
Nevertheless, don't just discard your old friends. They're also humans like you, and they, too, have a "different life" outside school. You, too, have only a very small image of those you lived with all this time, compared to what they can really offer to the rest of the world =)
Sometimes, it's still good to have your old friends to have a nice joke with them, to remember your childhood and laugh about it.
You will probably realize this when you meet them again after 20 years. I bet you won't be thinking "Oh no, my friends don't believe I have a wife/husband and would have never believed it 20 years ago. Now I'm loosing my confidence! Am I really married? etc. etc. etc. :P"
My friend, live your life
O.P.
I would point out at what Luigi Pirandello has taught us...
Every person in this world is "One, No One, And A Hundred Thousand". In the beginning, we may attach ourselves to the romantic illusion of identity and personality. I as a person see myself as "one".
However, the more people I meet, the more I feel treated in different ways. Each individual person, from your parents, to your friends, to your employers sees you in "a hundred thousand" different ways, which may or may not correspond to your self-image (whether you're confident or not) or to the image others have of you.
In "reality", you're "no one" of these images, since each one is created by the others or by yourself.
However, you have the freedom to feed or deny these images, the freedom to act whatever personality or identity you want to... which is the formula for a dynamic open-mindedness.
It's not your past or your personal history that makes your life, but the way you act and live your present life from moment to moment!
From my own personal experience, I can say that if you worry too much about how your old friends and schoolmates see you - in contrast to how people see you outside -, you might need longer time to accept the diversity of the world, and to "grow up".
Nevertheless, don't just discard your old friends. They're also humans like you, and they, too, have a "different life" outside school. You, too, have only a very small image of those you lived with all this time, compared to what they can really offer to the rest of the world =)
Sometimes, it's still good to have your old friends to have a nice joke with them, to remember your childhood and laugh about it.
You will probably realize this when you meet them again after 20 years. I bet you won't be thinking "Oh no, my friends don't believe I have a wife/husband and would have never believed it 20 years ago. Now I'm loosing my confidence! Am I really married? etc. etc. etc. :P"
My friend, live your life
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