I want to stop loving him...

I really do.

My ex boyfriend is and was my first love. We broke up in February 2006 and it's already July, and I still think about him. Reasons included: Distance, things I did to him a year before I got together with him...and basic attitude problems (his).

Recently, he lied to my guy friend and said that we broke up due to my playing hard to get (which I didn't do at all and at least, not in a major way and always in a playful way). After four months of diligently shutting him out of my life, this really hurt and I cried very hard when I heard from that guy friend. He's also been calling me names and all.

But then, all I can think about are his kisses...his caresses...his sweet thoughtfulness and of the sort. The best times being with him. Right now, I've gotten over him more, after the lie, having been angry, but I still love him for who he was...

I guess people REALLY do NEVER get over their first love...
I just feel so drained trying to deal with it...
I don't know what to do anymore...

Reply 1

justbrowsing

4

It's such a cliche, and I know you're after a miracle cure, but we all feel like tis at some point. And we all think we've got it worse than everyone else.
One day, you'll just realise that you don't like him as much as you used to. Hard to accept now, but you won't feel like this forever, otherwise we'd all die of broken hearts.

Reply 2

Pandy

10

strawberry

I guess people REALLY do NEVER get over their first love...

This is true.

Funny ol' world, ain't it?

Reply 3

juicy_lgd

Im not sure what to say
But i think you always do remember ur first love, when i was trying to get over my boyf.. my mum said... ur first proper love is special, so even now, she loves my dad but still wonders things like "hmm wonder what hes doing now"

etc

but to get over him, i dunno, just cut off all ties. get rif of everything that reminds u of him or that he bought. i found that thats the best way, it took me months, he was my life and we ended on bad circumstances.. i didnt sleep or eat for months, i had headaches.

but eventually, you have to get over it, and you will . think about it, ur not gonna be upset over him forever. u always think ul never find someone better, but you will, its impossible not to.

and you should aim to think of the bad things he did, the reasons why you're not together.

im here if you wanna talk, i can totally empathise

stay strong and let me know how it goes

xxxxx

Reply 4

Dragon24

17

You have to remember you split for a reason. He is not worthy of you if he saying things - but you can't be sure as you haven't heard it from the horses mouth. Maybe the guy friend likes you as he is trying to discourage you from your ex? But he may be being just a good friend supporting you. First loves are nice but people grow apart and mature - someone else better will come along.

Reply 5

ladyportacabin

8

It takes a long time, but you do get over your first love. I split with my first boyfriend 6 years ago, since then i've had several relationships and now live with my partner, but I still remember him. However I mostly cringe and think about how awful it was nowadays!

Reply 6

Ghetto_Princess12

Yeah your right you cannot get over your first love but you can try forgetting about him and move on. Your just gonna have to be patient because time does heal things. It really hard to move on because you've seen different side to him that most people havent. If you wana stop loving him then make a commitment to do so.

In the meantime give it time because you never know you might meet someone better then him and gradually you and your exboyfriend will grow apart and move on..

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

I have a question related to this and could help the OP.

Say if one missed their first love so much and that first love wants to get back then, would it be such a bad thing?

I mean, there are reasons why things didn't work out but isn't there any way at all for the 2 to get back together and does this happen much [i know different circumstances vary and different factors should be taken into account, but generally?]?

Reply 8

cally

It took me far longer than this to get over one girlfriend who I really did love. But now we talk and are still good friends. Plus if he is saying bad things abotu you, he isn't worth it and you should have no reason to let it reflect negatively on yourself.

Sure momories hurt, they do/did for me too, but there has to be better out there, you must know that. Because if he said xxxxxx about you then surely he is far from someone you'd want to be with.

Reply 9

tis_me_lord

14

My first love took a day to get over me and be with somebody else, after 2 years - skank.

I've been upset since, but now I'm getting over her, and dislike her, it's just the actual feeling of love itself that I miss.

Reply 10

strawberry

OP

13

tis_me_lord

My first love took a day to get over me and be with somebody else, after 2 years - skank.

I've been upset since, but now I'm getting over her, and dislike her, it's just the actual feeling of love itself that I miss.

yeah that's exactly it. I guess he'll always have a special place in my heart.

and no, the guy friend that told me that already has a girlfriend, though we used to fancy each other. I just miss that feeling of being in love...

Reply 11

thompson_kathleen

I felt the same way before with my first boyfriend. The only way I got over him and distract myslef was to go out with my friends and tried to look for things to do. I realized that I loved the time I had for myself and I learned to love myself more, I got to know who I was without my boyfriend in the picture. During that time, I had the chance to grow and mature and I took that opportunity. I'm happier now

Reply 12

strawberry

OP

13

lol that's great. the attitude I have right now is: I'm hot and he doesn't know what he's lost. :p:

but I think he REALLY ended it because I wouldn't sleep with him nor let him touch my chest nor my crotch.

Reply 13

al-CIAda

why dont you just do what 95% of people do and go out and hook up or sleep with someone else. its a time honored tradition in western socities, surely there is a reason for it yes?

Reply 14

Segat1

16

^^ Loving that Aussie attitude

OP, you'll be fine when you meet someone else, because you'll realise you missed the loving stuff and your ex is the last person you had it with. I recommend you start moving on and meeting some new people.

Reply 15

wojewodztwo_pl

al-CIAda

why dont you just do what 95% of people do and go out and hook up or sleep with someone else.

why should she?
i broke up with my frist girlfriend a few months ago, but i didnt sleep with her, or do anything like that. maybe 95% of the population should realise that its better to start off slow and not sleep around, that way there is less chance to be hurt if somethings goes wrong. oh yeah and maybe she has some morals..? its poelpe like you that sleep around like animals that give us guys a bad name... fool.

Reply 16

tis_me_lord

14

After my breakup I felt sick at the thought of being with somebody else, and I would still not be able to sleep with another person yet. So the sleeping to get over it advise doesn't work for everyone.

Reply 17

st8_of_mind

I got over my first, and so far, only crush (I don't think it actually developed to love, but was really close) by self-denial. Sounds stupid but if you keep forcing yourself to believe you don't love him and try really really hard not to think about him, it kind of works. Although it still hurts sometimes, just focus on getting over him. Whenever I thought/think about him, I always pinch myself or get something to do so that I will focus my attention on something else. Over time, the feelings will lessen though it is hard.

Thinking about the things you two did before will only cause more pain.

Reply 18

al-CIAda

wojewodztwo_pl

why should she?
i broke up with my frist girlfriend a few months ago, but i didnt sleep with her, or do anything like that. maybe 95% of the population should realise that its better to start off slow and not sleep around, that way there is less chance to be hurt if somethings goes wrong. oh yeah and maybe she has some morals..? its poelpe like you that sleep around like animals that give us guys a bad name... fool.

all i was doing was advising her the course of action that a large portion of society takes/ since so many people do do this, it is clearly legitimate advice. given that quite a large portion of society does this, they would not consider this to be immoral. i dont think it is up to you to decide what is moral for the OP or society. you also made the mistake of assuming that i sleep with anyone, let alone "like an animal". i pity you that you need to resort to name calling merely because you disagree with what i have said. i hope one day you rise above this.

Reply 19

al-CIAda

st8_of_mind

I got over my first, and so far, only crush (I don't think it actually developed to love, but was really close) by self-denial. Sounds stupid but if you keep forcing yourself to believe you don't love him and try really really hard not to think about him, it kind of works. Although it still hurts sometimes, just focus on getting over him. Whenever I thought/think about him, I always pinch myself or get something to do so that I will focus my attention on something else. Over time, the feelings will lessen though it is hard.

Thinking about the things you two did before will only cause more pain.

most people just find an excuse (or invent one) to hate the other person.

I want to stop loving him...

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