Why is it bad to date a close friend's ex? Watch

Poll: Is it bad to date a close friend's ex?
Always (1)
12.5%
If the friend was dumped, yes (2)
25%
It isn't if the breakup was mutual (5)
62.5%
Never (0)
0%
Ripper-Roo
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#1
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#1
People say it's a rule of friendship, but I personally think it is really silly.
Surely if you were over an ex partner, you wouldn't care who they went out with? Just because someone is your friend, it doesn't mean they should not go out with this person if they have a connection.

Seems to me some people like to control others.

Does anyone think it is bad to date a close friend's ex?
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nohomo
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#2
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#2
I'd say it depends on how your friend feels about it, how much of a connection you feel with their ex, how close you are to your friend, and lots of other factors.
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cuckoo99
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#3
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#3
Social Awkwardness..... The image of your mate porking your ex is never a good lol.
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AwsomePossum
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#4
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#4
I'd be exceptionally concerned if one of my mates went with any of my ex's.



Especially as to my knowledge none of my ex's have made it out of the wine cellar x
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suzylemonade
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#5
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#5
Because your friend has kissed their ex, and their ex is mostly likely going to kiss you. Therefore, you are indirectly kissing your friend which is a bit gross (unless you're secretly into your friend of course)
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Ripper-Roo
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#6
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(Original post by nohomo)
I'd say it depends on how your friend feels about it, how much of a connection you feel with their ex, how close you are to your friend, and lots of other factors.
The thing is, I don't know why the friend's opinion is that important. I think the friend can be quite possessive and if it wasn't their friend, it could have been anyone else. Would they get that upset over a random boy/girl (usually girl actually) they don't know going out with them? If the answer is yes perhaps they should accept the relationship is over and the ex is free to go out with whoever they want.

Not in this situation I should add, I'm just interested in finding what other people's opinions are :lol:
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BurstingBubbles
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#7
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It's just weird because they have basically "been there, done that" :lol:
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nohomo
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Ripper-Roo)
The thing is, I don't know why the friend's opinion is that important. I think the friend can be quite possessive and if it wasn't their friend, it could have been anyone else. Would they get that upset over a random boy/girl (usually girl actually) they don't know going out with them? If the answer is yes perhaps they should accept the relationship is over and the ex is free to go out with whoever they want.

Not in this situation I should add, I'm just interested in finding what other people's opinions are :lol:
It seems like you're trying to justify something personal here

If, for example, your friend was dumped by their ex, and still isn't over it, it would feel like a betrayal for you to go out with the ex, and could cause him a lot of pain.
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Ripper-Roo
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#9
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(Original post by nohomo)
It seems like you're trying to justify something personal here

If, for example, your friend was dumped by their ex, and still isn't over it, it would feel like a betrayal for you to go out with the ex, and could cause him a lot of pain.
The dumping would hurt the person, but if they weren't compatible that's not the friend's fault. Shouldn't the friend be happy that their friend has found somebody, or even that their ex partner has found somebody better suited (okay, I know that's not how they'd feel but still...).

Hey this was a thought that entered my mind!
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2ndClass
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#10
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#10
Can you imagine if a girl you broke up with but still carry a torch for started banging your best mate? noooooooooooo :no:
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username945458
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#11
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#11
I think it would be fine ..im not with him anymore so whatever . We broke up because we didn't work maybe they will work


That said I first need to find a bf .
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nohomo
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#12
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(Original post by Ripper-Roo)
The dumping would hurt the person, but if they weren't compatible that's not the friend's fault. Shouldn't the friend be happy that their friend has found somebody, or even that their ex partner has found somebody better suited (okay, I know that's not how they'd feel but still...).

Hey this was a thought that entered my mind!
I don't know. I do know that if my friend were to go out with my ex who just dumped me, then it'd be doubly annoying for me if they went on to say that I "should be happy for them", rather than saying "I know I'm a ****. I'm sorry."

I'd feel betrayed, and a bit pissed off.

But that's just me. You know your friend better. Perhaps he'd prefer it if you told him to feel happy for you

As I said in my original post in this thread, how to approach this depends on lots of factors, and you probably have a better idea of all these factors than people on the internet, so you should decide what to do.
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IlexBlue
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#13
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That's just a big no, my friend.

You're assuming it's a clean break-up with no feelings involved. Rarely does it work out that way; one party is usually left hurting. And watching their ex go out with a friend and seeing them together all the time would be pretty devastating.

Not to mention, even if it's not that messy, the history will always be there. It's just very awkward.
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Ripper-Roo
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#14
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#14
(Original post by nohomo)
I don't know. I do know that if my friend were to go out with my ex who just dumped me, then it'd be doubly annoying for me if they went on to say that I "should be happy for them", rather than saying "I know I'm a ****. I'm sorry."

I'd feel betrayed, and a bit pissed off.

But that's just me. You know your friend better. Perhaps he'd prefer it if you told him to feel happy for you

As I said in my original post in this thread, how to approach this depends on lots of factors, and you probably have a better idea of all these factors than people on the internet, so you should decide what to do.
Honestly, this really is a hypothetical situation, I'm not experiencing anything like this! Just wanted to see how many people agreed with this "rule", as most people I know and in the media seem to be against it.
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Viva Emptiness
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#15
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#15
I think a lot of people would be against it purely for the nagging "Did they always have a thing for them? Even when we were together?" thoughts.
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AwsomePossum
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#16
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#16
I'd be exceptionally concerned if one of my mates went with any of my ex's.



Especially as to my knowledge none of my ex's have made it out of the wine cellar x
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Rakas21
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#17
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#17
(Original post by Ripper-Roo)
People say it's a rule of friendship, but I personally think it is really silly.
Surely if you were over an ex partner, you wouldn't care who they went out with? Just because someone is your friend, it doesn't mean they should not go out with this person if they have a connection.

Seems to me some people like to control others.

Does anyone think it is bad to date a close friend's ex?
Because its an emotional minefield. A mixture of masculine possession, lack of closure, envy and inadequacy.
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