The Student Room Group

I'm Overlooked

I've started to notice that as a 16yr old guy, when it comes to girls, I'm overlooked by them in favour of my friends.
For example, at my prom, loads of girls wanted to dance with my friends, but no one wanted to dance with me. So in the end, all my friends had someone to be with, and I was by myself.
At a recent course, a few girls told me they were only hanging around with me to get to my good looking friend.
What can I do? I'm an OK looking guy, but I'm always overshadowed.

Sorry if this hasnt come out right, I just find it hard to express
Girls will not just hang around you if you're good looking. It all depends on your personality as well as your good looks, whether you have any 'cute' traits, generosity, and so on. If you're interested in someone, make a move, like those girls seem to be doing to your friends. Buy them a drink or (if you can't do that, being 16 of course :smile:) offer to take them out somewhere... after getting to know them of course, which is as simple as starting a conversation. Be outgoing, but don't be arrogant. You're as good looking as you make yourself.
Reply 2
But it's also important to note that some girls are just evil, using bitches. A little harsh maybe but true. And it doesn't just apply to girls too, if you change the word bitch for another word. Well you sound like a decent guy and my expression to you is that those girls are not worth it. Do your friends know about this and how you feel? because I'm thinking that you wouldn't like to get to the situation where any jealousy and envy drives rifts between you and your friends. How do you interact with other girls on your own? Is there anybody that you are specifically interested in?
Reply 3
Elements
But it's also important to note that some girls are just evil, using bitches. A little harsh maybe but true.

Yeah, I'd think that if it was an individual case, but as it's happening all the time, it's more than that
Do your friends know about this and how you feel? because I'm thinking that you wouldn't like to get to the situation where any jealousy and envy drives rifts between you and your friends.
I haven't said anything to my friends, just because I wouldn't be able to. I mean I'm not gonna go round falling out with them because of this, but it's just not a nice situation for me to be in.
How do you interact with other girls on your own?
Im able to get on with girls fine on my own, they make up some of my best friends. There's been times when I thought something could happen between me and a girl when we were on our own, but nothing came out of those.
Is there anybody that you are specifically interested in?

Not at the moment, no.
Reply 4
generalebriety
Girls will not just hang around you if you're good looking. It all depends on your personality as well as your good looks, whether you have any 'cute' traits, generosity, and so on. If you're interested in someone, make a move, like those girls seem to be doing to your friends. Buy them a drink or (if you can't do that, being 16 of course :smile:) offer to take them out somewhere... after getting to know them of course, which is as simple as starting a conversation. Be outgoing, but don't be arrogant. You're as good looking as you make yourself.


What he does not want to turn himself into is the typical 'nice guy' who is really generous, polite and buys the women drinks. Nice guys are always over-looked. To the OP I would suggest that the only way you are going to improve your success is by improving your confidence to the extent where you are slightly cocky. Also, makesure that you are confident in your appearance. For example, if you are out of shape get your arse down the gym. It is all about confidence. At the moment you seem let the girls walk over you a bit, don't feel you have to be so kind to them all the time. If they are using you just so they can meet your friends show them that you have some balls and tell them to **** off. Only when you become a man will they respect you.
Amnesia
What he does not want to turn himself into is the typical 'nice guy' who is really generous, polite and buys the women drinks. Nice guys are always over-looked. To the OP I would suggest that the only way you are going to improve your success is by improving your confidence to the extent where you are slightly cocky. Also, makesure that you are confident in your appearance. For example, if you are out of shape get your arse down the gym. It is all about confidence. At the moment you seem let the girls walk over you a bit, don't feel you have to be so kind to them all the time. If they are using you just so they can meet your friends show them that you have some balls and tell them to **** off. Only when you become a man will they respect you.

That's not becoming a man, it's becoming an arrogant arse. :confused: I agree with telling them to **** off. But you can be confident without absolutely loving yourself. Be yourself, just be confident in being yourself - you don't want to attract the type of women that cocky people attract if you're not naturally cocky. I never intended to suggest the OP become some pathetic "ooh can I kiss you now please?" type of guy. Just don't change your personality in order to attract someone, because the chances are they will fit in very well with your new personality and not well at all with your real one.
Reply 6
generalebriety
That's not becoming a man, it's becoming an arrogant arse. :confused: I agree with telling them to **** off. But you can be confident without absolutely loving yourself. Be yourself, just be confident in being yourself - you don't want to attract the type of women that cocky people attract if you're not naturally cocky. I never intended to suggest the OP become some pathetic "ooh can I kiss you now please?" type of guy. Just don't change your personality in order to attract someone, because the chances are they will fit in very well with your new personality and not well at all with your real one.


I am not teling the OP to become an arrogant arse, but to be honest him becoming an arrogant arse is much better than remaining the wimpy guy all the girls want to be friends with, but no-one wants to go out with. The only way he will become more confident is to change his attitude and the whole way he approaches the situation. Girls are not attracted to weak, unconfident men and unfortunately this is what the OP currently seems to be. To the OP from your first post I get the sense that you don't view yourself as important and are always worried about what other people think about you. You have change your whole attitude.
Reply 7
Anonymous
Yeah, I'd think that if it was an individual case, but as it's happening all the time, it's more than that


Perhaps but from where I am there are alot of these girls, unfortunately. But always be yourself and friendly. Don't become a sleaze, arrogant or cocky- it's not appreciated and might not get you what you want out of a relationship.

Anonymous

I haven't said anything to my friends, just because I wouldn't be able to. I mean I'm not gonna go round falling out with them because of this, but it's just not a nice situation for me to be in.



That's good to know that you're not going to fall out with them over it because I don't want you to at all. I understand that it isn't a nice situation to be in.:hugs:

Anonymous

Im able to get on with girls fine on my own, they make up some of my best friends. There's been times when I thought something could happen between me and a girl when we were on our own, but nothing came out of those.


Well it's good to know that girls make up some of your best friends. Girls value friendship alot and the trust from that will stabilise any relationship that might develop- also an important quality for girls. Also, it counts that you get to know somebody first. :yy: Maybe talk it over with one of your best friends that are girls, without creating any awkward tensions. Because us girls can be very good with dealing with emotions and feelings. Also, girls really value it when you are honest and can talk to them about how you are feeling. It shows openess, sensitivity but strength too for dealing with these issues, and a repect and appreciation of them. They will respect you alot for that. They will also know that you are approachable too and this will attract the right type of girls. And even though you said that nothing came out of a few times when you were on your own with them, my advice to you is not to rush things because you wont want to ruin the nature of your friendship with them. It depends how you went about trying to get closer to them too but atm, with what I know, I can’t comment on that.

I hope that that is of some help and that all goes well for you. :smile:
well instead of standing in the background and letting your friend take over why not step up a bit and get yourslef a bit more involved, next time ask a girl to dance dont wait for one to ask you.
Speak to hem dont make them speak to you
having a bit of confidence will do wonders to coming out from the shadow