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My mum doesn't love me

Umm.. Yeah.. Whenever I tell my mum I love her she just replies with 'I know' and never says it back, this happened a few minutes ago and I asked her why and she said that she doesn't love me and doesn't think I love her because I never do anything for her. I used to do a lot for her but if I do one thing she starts to complain about something else so now, because I'm really busy with a-levels and also my dad has been in hospital for the past week (they separated years ago) ,I don't do as much (particularly in the last week) because I still get yelled at the majority of the time irrespective of how much I do. It's also not just that she doesn't love me, whenever she thinks I do something wrong I can hear her on the phone to my aunties or my grandparents saying how much of a selfish cow I am and so they think I'm awful too. Lately the rest of my family have seen more of what she's like, she shouted in front of everyone at me because I didn't heat up her meal properly, and I think they are starting to realise that it isn't just me, but it's just me and mum living together so ere is nobody to diffuse any arguments, which she always starts and I only try to defend myself because I hate arguing with her. It's really upsetting me, I don't know what to do, I don't have time to help her more because I have so much work, and she holds anything she does for me against me and will happily use it in arguments to make me feel bad.
How can I make my relationship with her better? And is it my fault?? :frown:

Reply 1

jwe39

Have you tried getting some time away from your mum? so you both have time apart from each other - whether regularly or as an extended one off occasion. With life being constant it can become a case of things getting too much, people lose perspective, attitudes and approaches blur and some space can do the world of good.

I wouldn't come to the conclusion that your mum doesn't love you, even if she does say that. People are complicated and as are relationships - you may think it's a massive flaw to have a mum that acts how she is, however she's only human.

That's not to say how she acts is your fault but there could be bigger underlying issues which aren't always apparent.

Reply 2

Piko_Piko

It's not your fault. My mother was similar. I tried to make her like me more - by doing everything she said, avoiding her, talking to her - nothing helped. I'm not saying that things won't improve for you - it just sounds like it's a problem that she has with you for little or no reason.
I'm aware this isn't very helpful - just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

Reply 3

MrsSheldonCooper

First of all, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Don't even think like that because you will bring yourself down with the pain of thinking it. My mum was the same and what you need to do is to keep your head down. You need to know that there ARE people in the world that love you although it might not even be your mother. You have to be strong and know that people do care for you and will be there to catch you when you fall. Sorry if I sound poetic btw but its the truth. I know the feeling too well. So if you're upset,feel free to dm me or something

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 4

PinkMobilePhone

Volunteer Team

Wow your mum actually said she doesn't love you? I'm sorry, that's harsh. It's definitely not your fault. Mothers are supposed to love their children unconditionally. Unfortunately the world doesn't always adhere to what's "supposed" to happen.

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