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What can i do? Parents are strict and always fail to understand me
Hello, Im asian and the only girl in the family, nearly 18 and there's so much i want to do, so many ideas in my head..but i feel trapped and hating being dependent on other people. My parents are extremely narrow-minded, but i still want to show them respect..
For example, I want to go trekking in September in China and raise money for a charity of my choice...and no one understands how much i want to do this...i have been discussing this all day with my parents and have spoken to other people about it...and my mum says 'no you cannot go because you're a girl!!'
I understand that they care for me and want me to be safe...so i suggested that my Dad should come along with me..because i know he would enjoy it as well..but my parents are soo boring that it just seems like they cant be bothered. My dad started making silly excuses at how he cant get any more time off work when he hasnt even asked! He said there has to be at least 2 months notice...and it is still over 2 months till we depart if we were to go..
In fact, i never was considering doing such thing on my own...my parents do not trust my friends whatsoever and so i was asking and trying to persuade a family member so come along with me..
I really dont know what to do...i have lived my childhood obeying them and my mum to this very day still says she's ashamed of how i behave..since my early teens she has made me stay in every saturday to clean the house, so i was never allowed to go out with my friends or anything...i have grown to regret it and so im fighting back now and she's hating it and is 'ashamed' of me now. I have NEVER had a very close friend as a result, and no one understands how she's affecting me..I just feel my parents are my obstacles...for example i have also wanted to join a tennis club since i was about 11, but it just never works out for silly reasons like i wont be allowed to make my own way to it plus there isnt anyone to give me a lift..
what do people think? am i exaggerating this? if not, is there a way in which they can understand how they are affecting me..? i have spoken a lot to my mum ...she listens..10 minutes later she's forgotten ever word i said..
just feel so trapped and dependent
For example, I want to go trekking in September in China and raise money for a charity of my choice...and no one understands how much i want to do this...i have been discussing this all day with my parents and have spoken to other people about it...and my mum says 'no you cannot go because you're a girl!!'
I understand that they care for me and want me to be safe...so i suggested that my Dad should come along with me..because i know he would enjoy it as well..but my parents are soo boring that it just seems like they cant be bothered. My dad started making silly excuses at how he cant get any more time off work when he hasnt even asked! He said there has to be at least 2 months notice...and it is still over 2 months till we depart if we were to go..
In fact, i never was considering doing such thing on my own...my parents do not trust my friends whatsoever and so i was asking and trying to persuade a family member so come along with me..
I really dont know what to do...i have lived my childhood obeying them and my mum to this very day still says she's ashamed of how i behave..since my early teens she has made me stay in every saturday to clean the house, so i was never allowed to go out with my friends or anything...i have grown to regret it and so im fighting back now and she's hating it and is 'ashamed' of me now. I have NEVER had a very close friend as a result, and no one understands how she's affecting me..I just feel my parents are my obstacles...for example i have also wanted to join a tennis club since i was about 11, but it just never works out for silly reasons like i wont be allowed to make my own way to it plus there isnt anyone to give me a lift..
what do people think? am i exaggerating this? if not, is there a way in which they can understand how they are affecting me..? i have spoken a lot to my mum ...she listens..10 minutes later she's forgotten ever word i said..just feel so trapped and dependent
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I went to university for independence and before i went my situation was kinda similar. Isn't there anything in the future you can think of where you'll have more independence and if so, how long and will you be able to wait?
I m hopin to go to uni but they are really not willing to 'let go' Uni isnt very far from where i live and they dont want me to get accommodation either 
Uni isnt very far from where i live and they dont want me to get accommodation either 
ill go with u to that trek then.. if that makes anything better LOLOL. dont worry though, just put it in the back of your head... just concentrate on your studies, get really good grades so that youll get a very good job.. and then basically thats it.
lets say you finish uni at the age of 22, you can always marry later on lets say 28 or 30... you got absolutely 6-8 years of enjoying yourself being single... =)
Dont let these kind of things stop you from achieving your dream because if you get too stuck at this problem, then it can affect your future... =) Esp you got a very thoughtful mind of doin that treck for charity of your choice, very nice plans you have. =) how i'd wish parents all over the world would not be so naive to their children... i passed a point in my life when it was like that.. i just kept on moving on you know, parents have to learn about you sumtimes, not all parents are good parents who knows what they are doing, especially maybe because they had a very different childhood to yours and have experiences which doesnt relate to you... thats why they are makin the wrong decisions.
Its good enough for me that i realised parents are not "all-knowing" but rather the relationship between parent-child should be mutualistic... give and take, understanding each others weaknesses... =/ sumtimes you just say its too late for everything.. it never is.. cuz in the end u go on and have a life of ure own
lets say you finish uni at the age of 22, you can always marry later on lets say 28 or 30... you got absolutely 6-8 years of enjoying yourself being single... =)
Dont let these kind of things stop you from achieving your dream because if you get too stuck at this problem, then it can affect your future... =) Esp you got a very thoughtful mind of doin that treck for charity of your choice, very nice plans you have. =) how i'd wish parents all over the world would not be so naive to their children... i passed a point in my life when it was like that.. i just kept on moving on you know, parents have to learn about you sumtimes, not all parents are good parents who knows what they are doing, especially maybe because they had a very different childhood to yours and have experiences which doesnt relate to you... thats why they are makin the wrong decisions.
Its good enough for me that i realised parents are not "all-knowing" but rather the relationship between parent-child should be mutualistic... give and take, understanding each others weaknesses... =/ sumtimes you just say its too late for everything.. it never is.. cuz in the end u go on and have a life of ure own
Logan
ill go with u to that trek then.. if that makes anything better LOLOL.
unfortunately you're a guy!
so that wouldnt be allowed! You see my parents wouldnt really want to know whether you're a decent guy or not, just because you're a guy, thats it...its not allowed! dont worry though, just put it in the back of your head... just concentrate on your studies, get really good grades so that youll get a very good job.. and then basically thats it.
lets say you finish uni at the age of 22, you can always marry later on lets say 28 or 30... you got absolutely 6-8 years of enjoying yourself being single... =)
Dont let these kind of things stop you from achieving your dream because if you get too stuck at this problem, then it can affect your future... =)
lets say you finish uni at the age of 22, you can always marry later on lets say 28 or 30... you got absolutely 6-8 years of enjoying yourself being single... =)
Dont let these kind of things stop you from achieving your dream because if you get too stuck at this problem, then it can affect your future... =)
My parents put quite a bit of pressure on me to do well at school..and i have done so..but thats it..its as if all life is really about is getting good grades going to university getting a job and getting married...full stop..thats pretty much all that my parents have done in their lives!
I have summer holidays now..and so have plenty of time to do such things...i cant see why i cannot do them now..i just feel there's so much more i can accomplish but they're preventing me from it
and thank you for your post..
Logan
Dont let these kind of things stop you from achieving your dream because if you get too stuck at this problem, then it can affect your future... =) Esp you got a very thoughtful mind of doin that treck for charity of your choice, very nice plans you have. =) how i'd wish parents all over the world would not be so naive to their children... i passed a point in my life when it was like that.. i just kept on moving on you know, parents have to learn about you sumtimes, not all parents are good parents who knows what they are doing, especially maybe because they had a very different childhood to yours and have experiences which doesnt relate to you... thats why they are makin the wrong decisions.
Its good enough for me that i realised parents are not "all-knowing" but rather the relationship between parent-child should be mutualistic... give and take, understanding each others weaknesses... =/ sumtimes you just say its too late for everything.. it never is.. cuz in the end u go on and have a life of ure own
Dont let these kind of things stop you from achieving your dream because if you get too stuck at this problem, then it can affect your future... =) Esp you got a very thoughtful mind of doin that treck for charity of your choice, very nice plans you have. =) how i'd wish parents all over the world would not be so naive to their children... i passed a point in my life when it was like that.. i just kept on moving on you know, parents have to learn about you sumtimes, not all parents are good parents who knows what they are doing, especially maybe because they had a very different childhood to yours and have experiences which doesnt relate to you... thats why they are makin the wrong decisions.
Its good enough for me that i realised parents are not "all-knowing" but rather the relationship between parent-child should be mutualistic... give and take, understanding each others weaknesses... =/ sumtimes you just say its too late for everything.. it never is.. cuz in the end u go on and have a life of ure own
totally agree
my parents just dont seem to 'learn' about me or understand whats important to me or what it is i want to do..wellp... there are a lot of things you can do indoors... help improve yourself basically.. whether physically/mentally.
When i get stuck up with summers like these, I always plan on something so that in the end of the summer i would have learned sumthing more... At this stage you would want to be concentrating on your character development.. and wholly as a person.
I would suggest learning the guitar/piano/violin.. if you know one of these instruments then try a very hard piece which would make you take on a lot of your time practicing. And you can paint... painting is the best way of expressing ones self in a silent fashion lol... unlike singing or dancing etc... Or you can but a dance pad and master a few songs... it can keep you fit too! Or read books, in this world there is a lot to learn... even just general topics would be great. =) or you might wanna improve your rooms looks.. =)
or you can watch cinema (dont tell me your parents wouldnt allow you to go out with a guy in the group) lol =) or just have a stroll around the park???
Thats what i do anyway when i get bored =) because most of the time im playing computer games (which i strongly advice against LOL) im a bad example sometimes too
When i get stuck up with summers like these, I always plan on something so that in the end of the summer i would have learned sumthing more... At this stage you would want to be concentrating on your character development.. and wholly as a person.
I would suggest learning the guitar/piano/violin.. if you know one of these instruments then try a very hard piece which would make you take on a lot of your time practicing. And you can paint... painting is the best way of expressing ones self in a silent fashion lol... unlike singing or dancing etc... Or you can but a dance pad and master a few songs... it can keep you fit too! Or read books, in this world there is a lot to learn... even just general topics would be great. =) or you might wanna improve your rooms looks.. =)
or you can watch cinema (dont tell me your parents wouldnt allow you to go out with a guy in the group) lol =) or just have a stroll around the park???
Thats what i do anyway when i get bored =) because most of the time im playing computer games (which i strongly advice against LOL) im a bad example sometimes too
Anonymous
totally agree my parents just dont seem to 'learn' about me or understand whats important to me or what it is i want to do..
my parents just dont seem to 'learn' about me or understand whats important to me or what it is i want to do..I can really relate to you because one of my mates have parents who always thinks that he always causes the mistakes and not them, and that his parents are always right... i really am against this type of parenting because it is so unfair =( in the end the only thing i can do to help is be a good mate to him =)
if you tried talking to them and that didn't work, maybe you could put what you feel into writing...sometimes writing helps more
are you, by any chance, Chinese? LOL
cos this sure as heck is familiar to me...espesh the "GUYS? NO!"
cos this sure as heck is familiar to me...espesh the "GUYS? NO!"
im in the same situation, my dads a ****, all hes bothered about is what will other people in the community say, n my reasoning is always 'they should get a life n stop bein so bothered about mine'. what u wanna do in china is good, ur not hurtin or harmin anyone, infact quite the opposite, ur wanting to help people. theres absolutely nothin wrong with that and thats where so many asian parents get it wrong, they should be proud of u, askin if u need any help with organisin it or help with funds, etc. but instead theyre more bothered abt the fact that ur a girl n girls shudnt go away on their own, never mind the fact ur doin sumfin selfless to help people. just go, i no theyre ur parents but they cant dictate ur life n u shudnt let them, fair enuff theyve clothed u n fed u n blah blah but thats their duty as a parents,they shudnt have had kids if they didnt wanna do that. n nows come the point where its their duty as any good parent to start treating u like an adult n letting u make ur own choices and supporting u if they r good ones. it sounds like u have a good head on ur shoulders,unlike a lot of asian girls u seem to have looked beyond boys, make up n gettin married. ur not doin anythin bad, go n live ur life n dnt end up regrettin that u didnt. i can sympathise with u cus im also frm a south asian background n parents do the same i guess. the best advice i can give u is go for it, n if they cnt support u then theyre not very good parents
I agree with your parents to an extent but petty things which you've mentioned about them is too far...seriously you need to talk to them OPENLY...btw how many sis/bro's do you have?
Crazster
Yeah umm, get seperate accomadation for uni, put your foot down there and your set =).
im working on that
I have been making it clear for the last few months that i definitely want accom. at uni but they just dont seem to take me seriously.. And from past experience i know that when i make something clear to them..i usually do it in advance..and they tend to agree with me at first (but they still dont take it seriously) and when the days go by and it gets closer and closer to the event or whatever it is...they turn around and say a big fat no!
Anonymous
im in the same situation, my dads a ****, all hes bothered about is what will other people in the community say, n my reasoning is always 'they should get a life n stop bein so bothered about mine'. what u wanna do in china is good, ur not hurtin or harmin anyone, infact quite the opposite, ur wanting to help people. theres absolutely nothin wrong with that and thats where so many asian parents get it wrong, they should be proud of u, askin if u need any help with organisin it or help with funds, etc. but instead theyre more bothered abt the fact that ur a girl n girls shudnt go away on their own, never mind the fact ur doin sumfin selfless to help people. just go, i no theyre ur parents but they cant dictate ur life n u shudnt let them, fair enuff theyve clothed u n fed u n blah blah but thats their duty as a parents,they shudnt have had kids if they didnt wanna do that. n nows come the point where its their duty as any good parent to start treating u like an adult n letting u make ur own choices and supporting u if they r good ones. it sounds like u have a good head on ur shoulders,unlike a lot of asian girls u seem to have looked beyond boys, make up n gettin married. ur not doin anythin bad, go n live ur life n dnt end up regrettin that u didnt. i can sympathise with u cus im also frm a south asian background n parents do the same i guess. the best advice i can give u is go for it, n if they cnt support u then theyre not very good parents
You completely understand what it is im going through...and thank you for your post...i just wish my parents would appreciate whatever it is I want to do..and i will go for it
Thank you all for your posts
strawberry
are you, by any chance, Chinese? LOL
cos this sure as heck is familiar to me...espesh the "GUYS? NO!"
cos this sure as heck is familiar to me...espesh the "GUYS? NO!"
Im middle eastern, it seems though that the same problems still apply! lol
Anonymous
You completely understand what it is im going through...and thank you for your post...i just wish my parents would appreciate whatever it is I want to do..and i will go for it
Thank you all for your posts
Thank you all for your posts
that post was written by me, dnt kno y i kept it as anon, neway if u wanna chat pm me!i understand where ur comin from, as for the uni jst apply, what can they do, its not like they can physically stop u, and they shud be happy u wanna study!
sharan
that post was written by me
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