The Student Room Group

How should I separate myself from my emotions?

I feel like I am going crazy because I'm so emotional - I feel strongly about so many things and it's messing with my head because I can't step back from it and just not care. The other day something physical happened with a friend, he told me at the time that it meant nothing but I still feel incredibly upset by it - like I am completely valueless. He has told me to 'control my emotions' but I have absolutely no idea how to even approach this, can anyone help?
Reply 1
TBH he doesn't sound much like a friend. Write down in a letter to him what you feel. If you want to, you can choose not to give it to him, just getting what you feel out onto paper is a great way to vent and to discover why you're feeling angry and to gather your thoughts. Or you can talk to him about it when you've calmed down, getting angry at him now won't solve anything.
Reply 2
Segat1
TBH he doesn't sound much like a friend. Write down in a letter to him what you feel. If you want to, you can choose not to give it to him, just getting what you feel out onto paper is a great way to vent and to discover why you're feeling angry and to gather your thoughts. Or you can talk to him about it when you've calmed down, getting angry at him now won't solve anything.


It's weird, he is really warm sometimes and really cold and distant at others. I don't know him that well because we don't live in the same town. However this is not just about him, I attach a lot of emotion to basically everything, e.g. it makes me angry if other people don't work hard, even though it has no effect on me at all. I don't know why this is and I think it's quite self destructive as it makes me sad or angry a lot of the time. I am writing him a letter, and also planning to do something creative to let out my feelings but it's not helping all that much because I know that people just don't care in the same way. I want to make myself only care about important things and people but I don't know how to because everything seems important!
Anonymous
It's weird, he is really warm sometimes and really cold and distant at others. I don't know him that well because we don't live in the same town. However this is not just about him, I attach a lot of emotion to basically everything, e.g. it makes me angry if other people don't work hard, even though it has no effect on me at all. I don't know why this is and I think it's quite self destructive as it makes me sad or angry a lot of the time. I am writing him a letter, and also planning to do something creative to let out my feelings but it's not helping all that much because I know that people just don't care in the same way. I want to make myself only care about important things and people but I don't know how to because everything seems important!

Many things are important and they're simply overlooked - life's too busy to worry. Either way, it's not something you can change about yourself. I'm the same. Just keep sane and learn to appreciate your critical eye - your real, good friends (present and future) will definitely appreciate a friend like you who cares about them so much, and if you're like me, you will care about all your friends; more so than yourself, maybe. It's not all bad. :smile:
Reply 4
generalebriety
Many things are important and they're simply overlooked - life's too busy to worry. Either way, it's not something you can change about yourself. I'm the same. Just keep sane and learn to appreciate your critical eye - your real, good friends (present and future) will definitely appreciate a friend like you who cares about them so much, and if you're like me, you will care about all your friends; more so than yourself, maybe. It's not all bad. :smile:


The point is I can't stay sane. I do care a lot about my friends but I am fed up with feeling so damn emotional. And if I really had a 'critical eye' I would be able to tell which things are actually worth caring about! I really do want to learn to be less emotional. Since I don't drink and haven't done for around 3 years I am considering trying alcohol again, just to see if it can make things a bit more fun and maybe numb my emotions a bit but I know this would only be a temporary solution
I get very emotional too and because im very opinionated, when people dont agree with me or i find that we have differences (not only in opinion but in morals too), i get into a right state. When i get fussed up about things, i used to just let it all out there and then and people used to tell me to just calm down and stop being so emotional, so now ive learnt to keep it in me and go home and let it all out there by myself. Sounds incredibly scizophrenic but i talk to myself, and hearing my thoughts helps to decipher whether im right or wrong (or just too over the top) about that thing.. Writing down what you're feeling also helps. But its better, if you get pissed off or whatever, not to let yourself go there and then.. keep it in, trust me its better. And then when you're alone, let it all out!
Reply 6
alexandra
I get very emotional too and because im very opinionated, when people dont agree with me or i find that we have differences (not only in opinion but in morals too), i get into a right state. When i get fussed up about things, i used to just let it all out there and then and people used to tell me to just calm down and stop being so emotional, so now ive learnt to keep it in me and go home and let it all out there by myself. Sounds incredibly scizophrenic but i talk to myself, and hearing my thoughts helps to decipher whether im right or wrong (or just too over the top) about that thing.. Writing down what you're feeling also helps. But its better, if you get pissed off or whatever, not to let yourself go there and then.. keep it in, trust me its better. And then when you're alone, let it all out!


I am really opinionated too. But how do you know whether you are right? I have different instincts that tell me different things and I don't know which to trust. Also I have this huge urge to communicate how I feel. I just like to look for some understanding and often the point is that I CAN'T get it from myself
Reply 7
Nothing wrong with being emotional. I'm emotional, although I only really feel comfortable crying in front of one person and whenever I've apologised for it, he always tells me it's ok. Basically, if the person is a friend at all, then he/she should care and be concerned for you when you're upset, and not tell you to "control yourself". Such a person isn't worth changing yourself for, and those who are worth changing yourself for, well, they wouldn't ask you to change cus they should love and care for who you are.
Anonymous
The point is I can't stay sane. I do care a lot about my friends but I am fed up with feeling so damn emotional. And if I really had a 'critical eye' I would be able to tell which things are actually worth caring about! I really do want to learn to be less emotional. Since I don't drink and haven't done for around 3 years I am considering trying alcohol again, just to see if it can make things a bit more fun and maybe numb my emotions a bit but I know this would only be a temporary solution

Trust me, I'm the same, and it's natural. People become less emotional through nurture as they grow up, which is why toddlers will say anything their mouths can bring them to say, and we're constantly thinking about what we should say or do, should we do this? Would this upset this person? Would I be better off saying this? Should I support him or her more? Should I sit on the fence? Why did he say that? What did he mean by it?

There's no such thing as being "too emotional", in my opinion (but this is a very subjective topic anyway); there are "more emotional", "less emotional", and "not emotional enough". It's a morally confusing world. Emotions are our way of dealing with things. Some situations cannot be weighed up by pure logic; they require an external bias, something we feel strongly about for no apparent logical reason but something to which we can all relate. Emotions are the basis of our society, as well as being what makes us human. Don't fight off your emotions - if other people can't deal with them then to hell with them, they're a part of you and you shouldn't have to change yourself. Besides... the only reason non-emotional people don't hate not being emotional is because they don't understand the emotions necessary to deal with that. :smile: Trust me, it makes sense in a way.

As for ways of combatting stress, I suggest going for a walk. Meditation apparently works for a lot of people too. Drinking water and so on clears your mind (apparently :confused:, I don't know the science behind it but it seems to work :p:).
Reply 9
Separating yourself from your emotions is the worst thing you could possibly do. Without emotions, we wouldn't have personalities or our own opinions, we'd just exist. Rather than feeling like an idiot for your emotions, embrace them. If people you associate with can't deal with it, you need to find people who can.

I agree with the above poster's paragraph about relieving stress. Rather than trying to hide or repress your emotions, find a way of relieving it. Exercise is often a good way. Walking most definately clears your head and allows you to really think things through on your own before blurting it all out to someone who may not be the best person to do this to.

Just remember everyone is emotional, its not just you. Chin up :smile: