Broke up with abusive partner after being together for 7 years

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
I don't really know what to write, as you can imagine. 7 years is a bloody long time and I can write a book on hundreds of painful moments. I found some kind of strength in me today and walked away. I have tried to walk away for years. Just wanted some advice on how I can keep myself busy and not take him back. Because he is constantly calling and texting me right now.

We met when we were at school, I was 14, he was 15.
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mikeyd85
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Me?

I'd be on the phone to a mate then to the pub to celebrate!
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*Dreaming*
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Sorry to hear what you've been throught well done for walking away. There are certain counselling services around aimed especially at women in your situation. It might be worth finding out about them for some support.

Take up some hobbies, read, anything....just keep yourself busy and your mind of it.

I'd suggest probably changing your number.
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PrincePauper
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't really know what to write, as you can imagine. 7 years is a bloody long time and I can write a book on hundreds of painful moments. I found some kind of strength in me today and walked away. I have tried to walk away for years. Just wanted some advice on how I can keep myself busy and not take him back. Because he is constantly calling and texting me right now.

We met when we were at school, I was 14, he was 15.
Well done for not being part of a statistic. Go back to him if you believe you cant do better than an abusive bf. simple as that
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Kittiara
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't really know what to write, as you can imagine. 7 years is a bloody long time and I can write a book on hundreds of painful moments. I found some kind of strength in me today and walked away. I have tried to walk away for years. Just wanted some advice on how I can keep myself busy and not take him back. Because he is constantly calling and texting me right now.

We met when we were at school, I was 14, he was 15.
Well done for walking away, OP. A relationship should be about love and respect and mutual support, and abuse is the opposite of that.

It's typical behaviour of him to call you and text you and he'll probably promise that if you come back to him he will be so much better, and he's sorry etc, but please, don't give in. Look at the past seven years. That's who he is. He's not magically going to change. If you return, it's going to go back to being an abusive relationship and he'll likely find a way to blame everything on you. That's how abusive people operate.

The next while is going to be difficult. I won't lie about that. Seven years is a long time. You've already shown that you are strong, though, and you'll make it through. And when you are ready, you'll find someone nice and discover that not all relationships are painful.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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(Original post by *Dreaming*)
Sorry to hear what you've been throught well done for walking away. There are certain counselling services around aimed especially at women in your situation. It might be worth finding out about them for some support.

Take up some hobbies, read, anything....just keep yourself busy and your mind of it.

I'd suggest probably changing your number.
Thank you.

My phone was switched off and as soon as I switched it on I kept on getting calls, everytime I reject to put my phone on divert, he calls. I need my alarm, so I put my phone on divert, he's now texting me constantly. Then facetime, then imessages, so I have switched them all off. What else can I do? I need my alarm. I should buy a proper alarm tomorrow.

I tried to walk away in the past, changed my number. He got hold of it somehow and cycle continued.

Tomorrow is a new day. I can do this. I stuck up for myself today after being bullied, belittled and made to feel worthless for far too long. I don't even want to write it down.

Today I broke down in the middle of Strand, in some alley and cried like I've never cried before. And I did it. I found some kind of strength inside me. I said all I needed to say and walked away. Now I need to find the strength to keep on walking.


(Original post by mikeyd85)
Me?

I'd be on the phone to a mate then to the pub to celebrate!
Thanks, I was on the phone to two of my friends for a couple of hours too. No one knew of the abuse he put me through, I told them today, they were just so shocked. I do not look like someone who'd put up with the kind of abuse he put me through. But it's now time for my friends to sleep and I need to learn to conquer this on my own, I don't want to burden them.

It's been so long, that I don't even know how to celebrate. I don't drink/smoke and haven't had a haircut in probably 5 years. I think I am going to buy myself an awesome dress, get a haircut, make myself look good in the outside. That'll probably help the mess I feel inside.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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(Original post by Kittiara)
Well done for walking away, OP. A relationship should be about love and respect and mutual support, and abuse is the opposite of that.

It's typical behaviour of him to call you and text you and he'll probably promise that if you come back to him he will be so much better, and he's sorry etc, but please, don't give in. Look at the past seven years. That's who he is. He's not magically going to change. If you return, it's going to go back to being an abusive relationship and he'll likely find a way to blame everything on you. That's how abusive people operate.

The next while is going to be difficult. I won't lie about that. Seven years is a long time. You've already shown that you are strong, though, and you'll make it through. And when you are ready, you'll find someone nice and discover that not all relationships are painful.

Thank you. What you have said is completely correct. You are very kind. Wish there was a magic button that I could press to delete him out of my life.
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Kittiara
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you. What you have said is completely correct. You are very kind. Wish there was a magic button that I could press to delete him out of my life.
Thanks . And yeah, I understand. It's not great that you might have to buy an alarm tomorrow, but needs must, because at least he won't be able to pester you. Does he know where you are? If so, it may be worth asking someone close to keep an eye out for you.

Getting a new haircut and treating yourself is a good idea. It's true that if you feel you look nice, it can improve how you feel inside as well. Relationships like that can really affect your self-esteem, which, actually, is another good reason to not return to something so destructive.
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Cryptographic
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Firstly, well done. I cannot imagine what you have been through.

RE: Alarm clock, just take out the sim, and then you can pickup a new one (for free) tomorrow. If I were you I would write down the important numbers. Then do a hard reset of your iPhone. Just a small step, but it should help.

(Original post by Anonymous)
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Phone up a few other friends, and o treat yourself, 2-3 days of whatever YOU want to do.
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mikeyd85
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you.

My phone was switched off and as soon as I switched it on I kept on getting calls, everytime I reject to put my phone on divert, he calls. I need my alarm, so I put my phone on divert, he's now texting me constantly. Then facetime, then imessages, so I have switched them all off. What else can I do? I need my alarm. I should buy a proper alarm tomorrow.

I tried to walk away in the past, changed my number. He got hold of it somehow and cycle continued.

Tomorrow is a new day. I can do this. I stuck up for myself today after being bullied, belittled and made to feel worthless for far too long. I don't even want to write it down.

Today I broke down in the middle of Strand, in some alley and cried like I've never cried before. And I did it. I found some kind of strength inside me. I said all I needed to say and walked away. Now I need to find the strength to keep on walking.




Thanks, I was on the phone to two of my friends for a couple of hours too. No one knew of the abuse he put me through, I told them today, they were just so shocked. I do not look like someone who'd put up with the kind of abuse he put me through. But it's now time for my friends to sleep and I need to learn to conquer this on my own, I don't want to burden them.

It's been so long, that I don't even know how to celebrate. I don't drink/smoke and haven't had a haircut in probably 5 years. I think I am going to buy myself an awesome dress, get a haircut, make myself look good in the outside. That'll probably help the mess I feel inside.
I'm properly proud of your achievement you know. Telling your friends about this must have been a massive thing in your mind and that's awesome that you've done that.

I suppose it is a little late!

Well, you do what you need to do to make you feel better about yourself. Get outside, do exercise, get a new image, eat healthily and well. You know, all the things that make us healthier naturally. Set yourself realistic goals and achieve them and then set more goals. Always allow yourself time to relax and sleep well too.

If you spend the next month really just concentrating on making you feel you, I'm sure you'll start to feel better about yourself. Always remember though that there is support if you need it. Should your friends / family not fully comprehend / can't give you the advice and help you feel you need, your doctor will be able to help as a first port of call.

Free yourself!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mikeyd85)
I'm properly proud of your achievement you know. Telling your friends about this must have been a massive thing in your mind and that's awesome that you've done that.

I suppose it is a little late!

Well, you do what you need to do to make you feel better about yourself. Get outside, do exercise, get a new image, eat healthily and well. You know, all the things that make us healthier naturally. Set yourself realistic goals and achieve them and then set more goals. Always allow yourself time to relax and sleep well too.

If you spend the next month really just concentrating on making you feel you, I'm sure you'll start to feel better about yourself. Always remember though that there is support if you need it. Should your friends / family not fully comprehend / can't give you the advice and help you feel you need, your doctor will be able to help as a first port of call.

Free yourself!
Thank you. I do need a new image. I look grey, like I have no colour on my face. Haven't slept very well at all. But I can do this.

I have had continuous calls from him. I haven't read a single text. Maybe just the first few words of a couple while I was deleting the texts. Some were angry. Some sounded suicidal. I'm trying to be strong. I am scared that he will cause a scene and come round, especially since I cant seem to find my house keys anywhere.
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chloelg
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you.

My phone was switched off and as soon as I switched it on I kept on getting calls, everytime I reject to put my phone on divert, he calls. I need my alarm, so I put my phone on divert, he's now texting me constantly. Then facetime, then imessages, so I have switched them all off. What else can I do? I need my alarm. I should buy a proper alarm tomorrow.

I tried to walk away in the past, changed my number. He got hold of it somehow and cycle continued.

Tomorrow is a new day. I can do this. I stuck up for myself today after being bullied, belittled and made to feel worthless for far too long. I don't even want to write it down.

Today I broke down in the middle of Strand, in some alley and cried like I've never cried before. And I did it. I found some kind of strength inside me. I said all I needed to say and walked away. Now I need to find the strength to keep on walking.

Thanks, I was on the phone to two of my friends for a couple of hours too. No one knew of the abuse he put me through, I told them today, they were just so shocked. I do not look like someone who'd put up with the kind of abuse he put me through. But it's now time for my friends to sleep and I need to learn to conquer this on my own, I don't want to burden them.
It's been so long, that I don't even know how to celebrate. I don't drink/smoke and haven't had a haircut in probably 5 years. I think I am going to buy myself an awesome dress, get a haircut, make myself look good in the outside. That'll probably help the mess I feel inside.
Yes! Go and treat yourself. You deserve it. You have been incredibly brave and shown so much strength - you should be very proud of yourself. It will be extremely hard from now on, but walking away initially is the hardest part and you are over that! A little bit of pampering would make anyone feel better about themselves.
I have highlighted 'I can do this' in bold because you CAN do it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by chloelg)
Yes! Go and treat yourself. You deserve it. You have been incredibly brave and shown so much strength - you should be very proud of yourself. It will be extremely hard from now on, but walking away initially is the hardest part and you are over that! A little bit of pampering would make anyone feel better about themselves.
I have highlighted 'I can do this' in bold because you CAN do it.

Thank you. I wont be a doormat anymore or his personal punching bag.
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Freier._.lance
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May I suggest you call the police if he continually tries to get in contact with you and say this guy is harassing you.
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germanium
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you. I do need a new image. I look grey, like I have no colour on my face. Haven't slept very well at all. But I can do this.

I have had continuous calls from him. I haven't read a single text. Maybe just the first few words of a couple while I was deleting the texts. Some were angry. Some sounded suicidal. I'm trying to be strong. I am scared that he will cause a scene and come round, especially since I cant seem to find my house keys anywhere.
This is worrying, I do think you need to involve some sort of authorities? Maybe a support group/police.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by germanium)
This is worrying, I do think you need to involve some sort of authorities? Maybe a support group/police.
(Original post by Freier._.lance)
May I suggest you call the police if he continually tries to get in contact with you and say this guy is harassing you.
The only reason I don't want to contact them is because he's a medic and this could ruin all his chances of becoming a doctor.
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xxJazxx
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Tomorrow is a new day. I can do this.
A good friend of mine went through a similar situation last year and I was so, so proud of her for finally freeing herself and moving on with her life. She deserves so much better and so do you. Things weren't magically fixed overnight and I wish I could've been around to support her more but now, several months down the line, she seems more herself than ever before. Well done for taking such a huge step towards a happier future, you are braver than you realise.
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chloelg
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The only reason I don't want to contact them is because he's a medic and this could ruin all his chances of becoming a doctor.
Please, think of yourself. Stop thinking about him. Put yourself first for once.
He has ABUSED you and he has ruined you. You should focus more on your own safety and well being and if that means calling the police then you have to do it..
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Freier._.lance
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The only reason I don't want to contact them is because he's a medic and this could ruin all his chances of becoming a doctor.
If he is physically abusive, it is your duty to the public to report him.We need doctors who are clear minded.People who aren't mentally fit to be doctors should be screened.
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Bulbasaur
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The only reason I don't want to contact them is because he's a medic and this could ruin all his chances of becoming a doctor.
Even more reason. Someone like that probably isn't up to the job. Certainly wouldn't want someone like that being a doctor.

Stay strong OP!
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