The Student Room Group

Paranoid about boyfriend

Now i know this is hardly the end of the world, but i could seriously do with straightening things out.

ive been going out with a guy for a year now, and everythings been fine and dandy. he's helped me through the trauma my ex put me through (physical and mental abuse, ending in rape and his suicide) and i helped him through some pretty serious stuff too. as far as i can tell, everything is still fine between us, and we still say i love you a lot...

just recently he got the internet for the first time, and while it was still novel, i let him spend as much time on it as he wanted. now after about two or three months, he's dropping me off early back home so he can go and talk on a forum website and msn. on sunday it wasnt even 9pm before he was fretting to leave. after my first bf, im terrified that he's cheating with me online, but i still hoplessly love him and dont want to hurt him by asking.

i know he cheated on his ex, and mine cheated on me too. is it ok to be worried, or am i just being paranoid? ive been crying a lot recently too, i dont want it to be serious..
You have every right to be paranoid, you've been through a lot! It's often misinturpreted that worrying about your bf cheating is down to mistrust but it's not always the case. You were messed about by your ex & you naturally carry this through to your next relationship.

But just remember how you were when you first got the internet. I got it when I was about 12 & instantly became hooked. It was new. Your boyfriend probably feels the same way, as the internet is to a child like a new toy, give him chance to play with it before mentioning he's spending too much time on it.

You have every reason to feel paranoid. Maybe suggest that you surf the internet together one night. You can show him some websites to go on etc & it will ease your mind.

Hope that helps. :smile:
Reply 2
Have you talked to him and told him your worries? That's the frist thing you should do. It is easy to get addicted to forums and chatting, especially when it's new to you. It doesn't mean he's cheating but he's still not treating you very well if you're getting upset. You have to tell him how you feel.
Reply 3
thats just it, i dont want to raise it, because im terrified i'll offend him. ive tried surfing it together, he still gets rid of me early...
Reply 4
Oh dear...sounds like he's discovered browser-based games...or worse, MMORPGs. Tie him up, plug his ears, blindfold him and no matter how much he begs, don't let him near the computer! He'll thank you once the withdrawal symptoms die down. :P

Seriously though, I might be naive in these matters but I doubt he'd cheat online if he has a real gf unless the relationship had serious problems. The thing is, internet...(whatever he's doing - MSN, forums, games) is one of the few things that's more fun alone and it is massively addictive, so don't read too much into him getting rid of you early.

Maybe you could tell him that you're concerned about him spending all his time on the net rather than you, cheating doesn't need to be mentioned. If you'd rather not confront him at all you could leave him to it for a few days and then suggest an evening out with you, somewhere where there's no option of leaving early.

Net addictions do pass, but slowly.
Reply 5
Anonymous
Now i know this is hardly the end of the world, but i could seriously do with straightening things out.

ive been going out with a guy for a year now, and everythings been fine and dandy. he's helped me through the trauma my ex put me through (physical and mental abuse, ending in rape and his suicide) and i helped him through some pretty serious stuff too. as far as i can tell, everything is still fine between us, and we still say i love you a lot...

just recently he got the internet for the first time, and while it was still novel, i let him spend as much time on it as he wanted. now after about two or three months, he's dropping me off early back home so he can go and talk on a forum website and msn. on sunday it wasnt even 9pm before he was fretting to leave. after my first bf, im terrified that he's cheating with me online, but i still hoplessly love him and dont want to hurt him by asking.

i know he cheated on his ex, and mine cheated on me too. is it ok to be worried, or am i just being paranoid? ive been crying a lot recently too, i dont want it to be serious..
Grow your fringe longer, wear more black and get your lip/eye brow pierced. Problem solved.

I wish my lawn was emo so that it would cut itself :frown:
Reply 6
FeedTheGoat
Grow your fringe longer, wear more black and get your lip/eye brow pierced. Problem solved.

I wish my lawn was emo so that it would cut itself :frown:


Apparently you're lucky enough to have not had problems with this sort of thing, doesn't mean you should gloat or be rude.

My boyfriend spends a lot of time on line and he cheated on me on the internet a lot in the first year and a bit of our relationship. I didn't realise anything was wrong, when you're talking to someone on msn then you can't tell what they're saying to other people unless of course you're psychic! Then he started to meet up with girls in real life which he lied to me about and didn't tell me til after. Once I'd found out I started noticing things - we were in bed together and he was secretly texting some girl (who he'd met online), and when I tried to hug him (he was facing away) I saw his phone and he hid it quickly and made an excuse. When I stay over I always sleep in the spare room (parents, tsk!) and one night he acted really tired so I'd go away basically, and then as soon as I left he went on faceparty to message some slag. :rolleyes: My point is, don't take the piss!!

To the OP: It doesn't necessarily mean your boyfriend is doing that!! Mine is more horrible than most so don't worry :biggrin: He doesn't do that any more, we sorted that out eventually, but he does still spend a lot of time online, on msn (talking to me and his friends) and playing games! He goes on some forums too but they're only really music and football ones. So it's possible that your boyfriend is just doing the same :smile:

Just to be safe though, and due to the fact that he is neglecting you for the internet, I think you should have a chat with him about it. Say it's upsetting you that he'd rather be on the internet than be with you! Maybe try and approach the subject of what he's actually doing on there that's so important - don't accuse him of cheating! But maybe just casually ask if he's talking to girls or something like that? Just generally put across the message that you're hurt and confused and hopefully he'll realise what a poo he's being and make more time for you :smile:

Let us know how it goes!
Reply 7
bunthulhu
Apparently you're lucky enough to have not had problems with this sort of thing, doesn't mean you should gloat or be rude.


Apparently!
Reply 8
FeedTheGoat
Grow your fringe longer, wear more black and get your lip/eye brow pierced. Problem solved.

I wish my lawn was emo so that it would cut itself :frown:

ok, so you're assuming that anyone with a problem is emo? moreover, you're making self-harming stereotypes? moreover still, self-harming stereotypes you didnt come up with? tch. get a life.
Reply 9
Raggy-chan
ok, so you're assuming that anyone with a problem is emo? moreover, you're making self-harming stereotypes? moreover still, self-harming stereotypes you didnt come up with? tch. get a life.

Tch, you're assuming that I'm assuming she's an emo and not simply making a joke, moreover, you're making me out to be someone without a life? moreover still, the insult that is so widely used on internet boards every where: 'people without lives' that you didn't come up with? who is more of a cliche here? tch, get a life.
Reply 10
what im saying is that since she's obviously not happy anyway, you shouldnt be making your "jokes". why would you do that to people asking for help? i think the "i'm just going to post needless flaming" is more of a cliche than i am, dear.
Oh dearest, how so very assumptive of you! Perhaps you're right... but, perhaps not. :frown:
Reply 12
I play games online sometimes which may annoy my gf but she shops a lot so it evens out.

I don't think that he wants to go on the Internet is because he wants to cheat on you it could be for so many reasons.

I’m sorry you have had such a bad time before and maybe that contributes to you worrying about your bf. Chat to him and ask what he's doing spending so much time on it and I m sure he has probably bought a copy of WoW and not many girls i know play that :smile:


You will feel much better, ask him but don't bring the cheating thing into it unless he looks weird about it.

NOTE: If he is then please play him a copy of this MC Lars song.

http://www.lyrics4all.net/m/mc-lars/the-graduate/internet-relationships-are-not-real-relationships.php
Reply 13
FeedTheGoat
Oh dearest, how so very assumptive of you! Perhaps you're right... but, perhaps not. :frown:

assumptive, yes. perhaps right, or wrong, yes also. i'm just trying to be nice here ^^
FeedTheGoat; If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all :smile:
:frown:
Reply 16
aw bless, i feel guilty now ^_^;;