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Very Understanding G/F
We are in a LDR and have been dating for 2 months and have known each other for a total of 3 months now.
Shes a very open girl in terms of being friendly and allowing guys to be friendly with her.
My x was also the same and she ended up cheating on me.
Most of the time she tells me she was a guy doing this or that alone, I automatically jump to conclusions.
So far there has been 5 guys in the past 2 months who have made moves on her because she has been so friendly and it does get to me that because shes always like verynice/friendly, she ends up getting involved in a situation where a guy falls for her and she doesnt realise it.
I've confronted her about it many times and I guess its paranoia from my side.
When shes with me I don't get paranoid, in fact when hearing things that may seem odd I hardly react. Over the phone, because of my bad past, even with her mood swings and stories I assume the worst in my head.
After the events occur and I put her on the spot and stuff, I think to myself what kind of a b/f am I really. I personally think she deserves better, I cant keep doing this to her. Shes always forgiving me and saying she understands from my point of view, but if shes explained certain things to me so many times and I still question her, why is she still being so understanding.
I personally think I should let her go and some 1 else can make her happy as she wont admit it but im a **** b/f when it comes to LDR.
What do you think I should do?
Shes a very open girl in terms of being friendly and allowing guys to be friendly with her.
My x was also the same and she ended up cheating on me.
Most of the time she tells me she was a guy doing this or that alone, I automatically jump to conclusions.
So far there has been 5 guys in the past 2 months who have made moves on her because she has been so friendly and it does get to me that because shes always like verynice/friendly, she ends up getting involved in a situation where a guy falls for her and she doesnt realise it.
I've confronted her about it many times and I guess its paranoia from my side.
When shes with me I don't get paranoid, in fact when hearing things that may seem odd I hardly react. Over the phone, because of my bad past, even with her mood swings and stories I assume the worst in my head.
After the events occur and I put her on the spot and stuff, I think to myself what kind of a b/f am I really. I personally think she deserves better, I cant keep doing this to her. Shes always forgiving me and saying she understands from my point of view, but if shes explained certain things to me so many times and I still question her, why is she still being so understanding.
I personally think I should let her go and some 1 else can make her happy as she wont admit it but im a **** b/f when it comes to LDR.
What do you think I should do?
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The things your describing are typical of LDR in my experiences. One person is always jelious of the other one, thinking they will meet people in a simular way or because they have such a great personality. It ends up the reason for peoples jeliousy is the main reason you started dating them.
I cant tell you whether to dump her, you just need to ask yourself if the insecurities are fair on either of you. If there not then maybe a LDR isnt for you.
I cant tell you whether to dump her, you just need to ask yourself if the insecurities are fair on either of you. If there not then maybe a LDR isnt for you.
Thing is, she's with you, not with any of these other guys and she's had plenty of opportunity to say "I'm sorry, it's not working" and leave, so there must be something about you that she likes that none of the others has.
It's pretty impressive that this has been going on for so long so far, normally it seems a bit "Out of sight, out of mind" but you're still talking.
Have you any idea why you go for girls like this?
It's pretty impressive that this has been going on for so long so far, normally it seems a bit "Out of sight, out of mind" but you're still talking.
Have you any idea why you go for girls like this?
A LDR is a big step for people that have only been dating for two months. How long will she be away for? Ask yourself will it be worth the wait, will you end up being together when she gets back? You may well end up breaking up when she gets back, meaning that all this time was a waste when you could have been meeting new people. Often with LDR you want to stay together you can't face the idea of the other person meeting new people, but if you're gonna break up when she gets back anyway then there is no point.
Think of it this way - she's telling you about all these guys she's hanging out with. If she's got anything to hide, why would she tell you all about them? NOT telling you about them would be a cause for worry.
Thing is, this insecurity won't go away even if you're not in an LDR but a regular long term relationship. So the main thing is - sort yourself out, and ask her to help you. Breaking up with her will not make anything better.
Thing is, this insecurity won't go away even if you're not in an LDR but a regular long term relationship. So the main thing is - sort yourself out, and ask her to help you. Breaking up with her will not make anything better.
clyn
Thing is, she's with you, not with any of these other guys and she's had plenty of opportunity to say "I'm sorry, it's not working" and leave, so there must be something about you that she likes that none of the others has.
It's pretty impressive that this has been going on for so long so far, normally it seems a bit "Out of sight, out of mind" but you're still talking.
Have you any idea why you go for girls like this?
It's pretty impressive that this has been going on for so long so far, normally it seems a bit "Out of sight, out of mind" but you're still talking.
Have you any idea why you go for girls like this?
Well I didnt go for that side of her, I went for the side of her general personality. Shes so perfect in a sense of caring and compatibilities, but as time went on I realised this other stuff but she has said she will cut down with guys in terms of being so friendly. She stays at halls so her excuse is 'I tend to make them into my family as im away from my family and its nothing more then that'.
Well weve discussed whats going to happen when shes back and ive got a job so ill be living 2 hours away from her. So again it will be a LDR, she was saying how we should meet only once a month as its her final year of uni and shes going to look for a job. I asked if only once a month would work and she said yes as she has her dissertation but however we will be on the phone most of the time.
once a month seems hard to me even if your on the phone a lot if you are quite clingy.
I know how you feel as me and my gf will be going to seperate uni's and i am not sure it going to work out at all. This is due to me already going to one and i know the strain it put on us as she is quite demanding.
Maybe you should have a chat and compramise to maybe twice a month? I am quite independent and this would not matter as much but it could not work with my gf as she could not take that much time apart.
I hope it works out but maybe if you can't settle for how she is then its better looking for a person who shares your thoughts on the matter
I know how you feel as me and my gf will be going to seperate uni's and i am not sure it going to work out at all. This is due to me already going to one and i know the strain it put on us as she is quite demanding.
Maybe you should have a chat and compramise to maybe twice a month? I am quite independent and this would not matter as much but it could not work with my gf as she could not take that much time apart.
I hope it works out but maybe if you can't settle for how she is then its better looking for a person who shares your thoughts on the matter
Right, can I just ask why girls do this? They all seem to do it.
When you have a boyfriend and get very friendly with other guys you're inviting them to make a move on you, even though you never actually intend to act on it since you're in a relationship. Is it just the attention and power or what?
It's like my ex (when we still together). She was at a big drunken party where people are all looking to get off with eachother and stuff. She ends in alone in a bedroom with this guy talking. Now it's obvious where a situation like that would lead and sure enough he made a move on her and she left. So why do people put themselves in that position in the first place?
When you have a boyfriend and get very friendly with other guys you're inviting them to make a move on you, even though you never actually intend to act on it since you're in a relationship. Is it just the attention and power or what?
It's like my ex (when we still together). She was at a big drunken party where people are all looking to get off with eachother and stuff. She ends in alone in a bedroom with this guy talking. Now it's obvious where a situation like that would lead and sure enough he made a move on her and she left. So why do people put themselves in that position in the first place?
Laika
Right, can I just ask why girls do this? They all seem to do it.
When you have a boyfriend and get very friendly with other guys you're inviting them to make a move on you, even though you never actually intend to act on it since you're in a relationship. Is it just the attention and power or what?
It's like my ex (when we still together). She was at a big drunken party where people are all looking to get off with eachother and stuff. She ends in alone in a bedroom with this guy talking. Now it's obvious where a situation like that would lead and sure enough he made a move on her and she left. So why do people put themselves in that position in the first place?
When you have a boyfriend and get very friendly with other guys you're inviting them to make a move on you, even though you never actually intend to act on it since you're in a relationship. Is it just the attention and power or what?
It's like my ex (when we still together). She was at a big drunken party where people are all looking to get off with eachother and stuff. She ends in alone in a bedroom with this guy talking. Now it's obvious where a situation like that would lead and sure enough he made a move on her and she left. So why do people put themselves in that position in the first place?
I agree girlfriends do seem to put themselves out sometimes a bit to much. They say i i would never, but then sometimes they will share beds with other guys, talk for hours on their laps and go to foam parties and flirt with them. I used to get really worried about this but now i don't. I suppose i kind of just accept this and do what i want. Therfore is she thinks thats fine then so do i and it does not matter if i do the same things that she has done.
I think this is kind of the best way. We are all quite young and need a bit of space so its better to do this then to go actually cheating on your partner.
zav
once a month seems hard to me even if your on the phone a lot if you are quite clingy.
I know how you feel as me and my gf will be going to seperate uni's and i am not sure it going to work out at all. This is due to me already going to one and i know the strain it put on us as she is quite demanding.
Maybe you should have a chat and compramise to maybe twice a month? I am quite independent and this would not matter as much but it could not work with my gf as she could not take that much time apart.
I hope it works out but maybe if you can't settle for how she is then its better looking for a person who shares your thoughts on the matter
I know how you feel as me and my gf will be going to seperate uni's and i am not sure it going to work out at all. This is due to me already going to one and i know the strain it put on us as she is quite demanding.
Maybe you should have a chat and compramise to maybe twice a month? I am quite independent and this would not matter as much but it could not work with my gf as she could not take that much time apart.
I hope it works out but maybe if you can't settle for how she is then its better looking for a person who shares your thoughts on the matter
Well the once a month will be like a weekend thing where she comes over from friday and stays till sunday. I still feel for this relationship to work twice would have to be a definate. Is that asking for too much considering her final year?
When shes acts a bit different (distant) I always try to understand why she does it and most of the time she responds as just getting clogged. She seems to go through that stage allot.
BlackHawk
Errm why does she get these guys attentions? A one off and maybe it's excusable. But constantly getting attention from guys and she's probably putting some signals out there. Whats wrong with saying 'No sorry, I'm not interested.' rather than having them suddenly fall for her?!
She is not giving signals, her nature is just to be kind to every one. When I say shes over friendly I mean like she would give her stuff to borrow, share her food, go to the movies together (one on one), stuff like that.
Anonymous
She is not giving signals, her nature is just to be kind to every one. When I say shes over friendly I mean like she would give her stuff to borrow, share her food, go to the movies together (one on one), stuff like that.
Well if you feel that she is overally friendly and you feel that it's a problem to you, why don't you talk to her about it then?
Lyndzxx
Well if you feel that she is overally friendly and you feel that it's a problem to you, why don't you talk to her about it then?
I have spoken to her about it and she feels she isn't as friendly as I make out it to be. She feels she hasnt done anything wrong as shes living at halls and she has made these people like her family. However she did say she will cut down the limit of contact with those blokes.
Funnily enough she was making a list before to just show me how many close guy mates she has even though I didnt suggest that, but she felt she had to show me.
Aren't you basically asking her to change her whole nature... If she likes you, you shouldn't have any worries. Its all in the mind.
BlackHawk
Errm why does she get these guys attentions? A one off and maybe it's excusable. But constantly getting attention from guys and she's probably putting some signals out there. Whats wrong with saying 'No sorry, I'm not interested.' rather than having them suddenly fall for her?!
Because not all girls are as decent and respectful as you.
Anonymous
I have spoken to her about it and she feels she isn't as friendly as I make out it to be. She feels she hasnt done anything wrong as shes living at halls and she has made these people like her family. However she did say she will cut down the limit of contact with those blokes.
Funnily enough she was making a list before to just show me how many close guy mates she has even though I didnt suggest that, but she felt she had to show me.
Funnily enough she was making a list before to just show me how many close guy mates she has even though I didnt suggest that, but she felt she had to show me.
Why is she doing that? She knows your jealous.
If you become jealous your gonna push her away. Just act like none of this phases you and she will respect you and will wanna be with you for that.
If you act jealous, it shows that you think she can do better.
If you cant handle your jealousy, break up with her.
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