Saying you're sorry - why does it have to be so hard?

When you have an argument with someone, do you ever feel like its always you who has to make the first move for reconciliation? It ALWAYS seems to be me who has to make that initial approach, and whilst I'm always glad and relieved that things are sorted with my friends/girlfriend/whoever, I just can't help but feel slightly angry that, once again, it has to be me who acts first. The worst feeling is when you know you haven't done anything wrong, yet for the sake of your friendship/relationship you know its for the best interest for everyone in the long term. Yet that feeling of anger is still there... it just makes me feel s**t about myself, like I'm giving in too easily.

My first question: do you think I'm being petty? I kinda feel I am, but just can't seem to get over that anger/degradation that I feel everytime I make the first reconciliatory move.

My second question concerns an ex-gf. To cut a long, complicated and boring story short, we broke up a while ago, but recently there has been a few problems (can't really say why, otherwise would give the game away). But basically, she flat out lied to me about something quite important when I asked her about it. I am not completely innocent in this mind; I also did and said stuff that I shouldn't have said and done, and I know and knew at the time that it would cause offence. I basically was really hurt that she would lie to me (she did it for apparently noble reasons, something about knowing I would be upset if I knew the truth. Which I knew anyway, before I asked her). Also, the way in which I found out she was lying - I was doing something which I shouldn't have really been doing :redface:

Anyway - its been nearly a week since we last spoke, and we left the whole situation on really bad terms. It was basically like "well, I don't want to speak to you again" type thing, from both sides. Now, as I always do, feel guilty and feel that I should apologise. Yet, it wasn't just me who is in the wrong, so why should I always have to be the one who initiates it? Its not the first time I've said sorry first, when we've had arguments in the past, and everytime its always been me who says sorry and her who accepts my apology without saying sorry for the things she's done aswell. Thats the norm isn't it? That both sides apologises for their wrongs, and move on? Well, its always distinctly lacking from her. I don't feel like I should have to say to her "well, arn't you sorry aswell?", because she should already know that. And if I have to tell her to apologise, well, doesn't it kinda makes the whole thing a little pointless? Yet, its really killing me inside, I can't stop thinking about it and feeling guilty. So, should I apologise? Or have I left it too late?

Sorry for the long post, I've tried to condense it as much as I can.

Reply 1

loggins

17

I don't think you're being petty. I think the sooner you apologise, the better. Better late than never! :wink:

Reply 2

El Scotto

15

If you've broken up why bother apologising? its hardly likely you'll stay together long if you did get back together, especially if neither of you can apologise to the other... Plenty of fish in the sea and all that sort of baloney mate.

If you're really wanting to get back with her, its only been a week that isnt too long to leave it, get her a present or something.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

El Scotto

If you've broken up why bother apologising? its hardly likely you'll stay together long if you did get back together, especially if neither of you can apologise to the other... Plenty of fish in the sea and all that sort of baloney mate.

If you're really wanting to get back with her, its only been a week that isnt too long to leave it, get her a present or something.

Thanks guys. We didn't break up a week ago, we broke up ages ago, its just that recently, due to certain circumstances that I can't say, we've been arguing. I still see her as a very close friend, and don't want to lose that. But at the same time, I'm just f***ing sick of always being the first one to say sorry.

Reply 4

El Scotto

15

Anonymous

Thanks guys. We didn't break up a week ago, we broke up ages ago, its just that recently, due to certain circumstances that I can't say, we've been arguing. I still see her as a very close friend, and don't want to lose that. But at the same time, I'm just f***ing sick of always being the first one to say sorry.

Really you should leave it till all the raw emotion goes away, it'll be easier to be friends with the girl later on, when you arnt as emotionally attached as you are now.

Saying you're sorry - why does it have to be so hard?

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