Just started a relationship with my housemate, other housemates are against it!
Hi I need some advice.
I met my housemate when he moved in in September. We have liked each other for ages and decided to announce us getting together on new year. Our other housemates (2) suspected something for ages and we did say we liked each other. Anyway after we announced it we got a nasty message on facebook (sent to both of us) with a list of rules we need to abide by. They didn't call them rules but they are. They said that there shouldn't be any public displays of affection in the house around them which is fair enough, and that we can't sleep together, as well as other things. Now me and my boyfriend don't know what to do because we are living together next year too with the same housemates and the relationship is obviously going to break down if we can't do stuff. Any idea how to approach this situation?
I met my housemate when he moved in in September. We have liked each other for ages and decided to announce us getting together on new year. Our other housemates (2) suspected something for ages and we did say we liked each other. Anyway after we announced it we got a nasty message on facebook (sent to both of us) with a list of rules we need to abide by. They didn't call them rules but they are. They said that there shouldn't be any public displays of affection in the house around them which is fair enough, and that we can't sleep together, as well as other things. Now me and my boyfriend don't know what to do because we are living together next year too with the same housemates and the relationship is obviously going to break down if we can't do stuff. Any idea how to approach this situation?
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Sorry just wanted to add that we're all at Uni in private accommodation.
Your relationship, your rules. Of course, you want to respect your flatmates, but they also need to respect you. If you want to sleep together, then you sleep together - they're being stupid and prudish about you, including the PDA. Obviously you don't need to have full on makeout sessions in front of them, but a kiss? Act however you like in your own relationship.
I think just arrange a house meeting, and let them say what they need to say - messages on facebook just make things messy. Obviously, it can be a little bit awkward whilst you are both still in the honeymoon stage and will be all over each other without realising it, so try and keep things in your private bedrooms, but whether or not you have sex is nothing to do with them (just, maybe keep the noise down 
)
Explain that you are both serious about making the relationship work (I hope) and that as friends, you would like their respect of that. It's obviously going to have been something discussed between you two before you got together, so make sure they know you didn't just make a quick-snap decision.
To be honest, in my opinion, they can like-it or lump-it. But do take their opinions into account with your actions to begin with. In your private rooms though, how ever you choose to conduct yourselves is up to you.
) Explain that you are both serious about making the relationship work (I hope) and that as friends, you would like their respect of that. It's obviously going to have been something discussed between you two before you got together, so make sure they know you didn't just make a quick-snap decision.
To be honest, in my opinion, they can like-it or lump-it. But do take their opinions into account with your actions to begin with. In your private rooms though, how ever you choose to conduct yourselves is up to you.
Housemate (2) seems a bit if dick. You should shag on the kitchen table just to spite him/her , Who died and made housemate (2) Emperor of your flat.
Dang they are jealous!! Since you're moving in with them soon, it's fight or flight!
I could understand if they were worried about house tensions should you guys break up, but those demands are completely unreasonable, and you should tell them that. They don't have a right to say you can't have any PDA, least of all sex. Don't let the issue simmer, talk to them face to face and clear the air.
Original post by Stannisbaratheon
Housemate (2) seems a bit if dick. You should shag on the kitchen table just to spite him/her , Who died and made housemate (2) Emperor of your flat.
that made me laugh.OP - it is your relationship and you can do what ever you want. However, as you know that certain things will make your housemates uncomfortable (such as full on snogging infront of them) be respectful of this. As regards to the sex, well it really isn't any of their business to tell you if you can or can't have sex with your boyfriend. Just have a chat to them - not through facebook - and express your concerns.
maybe you should consider living with other people rather than your housemates, i understand the public display of affection because I can't stand that either but if you want to sleep together then do so (obviously not if front of the others!) anyways 2 of my flatmates are in a relationship and another 2 have slept together on a couple of occasions. There are 12 of us in the flat.. anyways good luck!
I can understand their concerns because it can be really awkward living with a couple and when people get into new relationships, they kinda go into a bubble and forget about the thoughts and feelings of the people around them.
However, they are being a bit extreme. As long as the two of you aren't sleeping together in a public area of the house, it's none of their business if you two do it in your own bedrooms. Are there similar rules for them not having sex in the house? Were you allowed to have sex in the house with other people? If the problem is just the fact it's the two of you then I don't see what their problem is.
Speak to them in person rather than on facebook and be polite and calm and ask if you can compromise. Agree to some of the rules such as the PDAs and politely discuss the other rules too and explain any concerns.
However, they are being a bit extreme. As long as the two of you aren't sleeping together in a public area of the house, it's none of their business if you two do it in your own bedrooms. Are there similar rules for them not having sex in the house? Were you allowed to have sex in the house with other people? If the problem is just the fact it's the two of you then I don't see what their problem is.
Speak to them in person rather than on facebook and be polite and calm and ask if you can compromise. Agree to some of the rules such as the PDAs and politely discuss the other rules too and explain any concerns.
This is a prime example of give-and-take. You need to work something out that benefits everyone. Obviously as you two are a new couple you will want to go at it like rabbits your house mates will hate you for that (by the sounds of it). I recommend that you either do it very quietly or, even better, you request the house to yourself for a few hours and give your house mates plenty of notice. During private tenancy some of my house mates were less considerate and it affected our friendship. Have a word with them about it.
Original post by Teaddict
This is a prime example of give-and-take. You need to work something out that benefits everyone. Obviously as you two are a new couple you will want to go at it like rabbits your house mates will hate you for that (by the sounds of it). I recommend that you either do it very quietly or, even better, you request the house to yourself for a few hours and give your house mates plenty of notice. During private tenancy some of my house mates were less considerate and it affected our friendship. Have a word with them about it.
I think you are right in sentiment, but I have to say that I would find my housemates requesting the house to themselves for a few hours quite irritating. I like the freedom of my own room. I might be persuaded if it was only occasional, but in the OP's case I don't think they will take it well.
A subtly better way to put it might be to try to find out when they are all going out anyway. It's not an ideal, but I do sympathise, and the OP's housemates do sound like ****s - there's no excuse for hiding behind nasty Facebook messages or lists of rules.
OP, out of interest, can I ask if religion is involved in this? It's quite possible not, but they sound a bit conservative even by the standards of irritable housemates. Sleeping together is certainly none of their business.
Original post by Octohedral
OP, out of interest, can I ask if religion is involved in this? It's quite possible not, but they sound a bit conservative even by the standards of irritable housemates. Sleeping together is certainly none of their business.
OP, out of interest, can I ask if religion is involved in this? It's quite possible not, but they sound a bit conservative even by the standards of irritable housemates. Sleeping together is certainly none of their business.
It is, actually. One of them is a Christian.
Original post by GeorgieGee
I think just arrange a house meeting, and let them say what they need to say - messages on facebook just make things messy. Obviously, it can be a little bit awkward whilst you are both still in the honeymoon stage and will be all over each other without realising it, so try and keep things in your private bedrooms, but whether or not you have sex is nothing to do with them (just, maybe keep the noise down )
Explain that you are both serious about making the relationship work (I hope) and that as friends, you would like their respect of that. It's obviously going to have been something discussed between you two before you got together, so make sure they know you didn't just make a quick-snap decision.
To be honest, in my opinion, they can like-it or lump-it. But do take their opinions into account with your actions to begin with. In your private rooms though, how ever you choose to conduct yourselves is up to you.
) Explain that you are both serious about making the relationship work (I hope) and that as friends, you would like their respect of that. It's obviously going to have been something discussed between you two before you got together, so make sure they know you didn't just make a quick-snap decision.
To be honest, in my opinion, they can like-it or lump-it. But do take their opinions into account with your actions to begin with. In your private rooms though, how ever you choose to conduct yourselves is up to you.
This is good advice. I would tell them that you respect them as friends and housemates, but that they can't expect to dictate how you conduct your relationship. You should be mindful of not being all over each other around them, and keeping bedroom noises to a minimum, but if I were you I'd still do things like cuddle up on the sofa together and give each other little kisses whether your flatmates are around or not.
Hope everything works out!
Sounds like they are far too nosy. I think a reasonable person (and their partner) will know how to act without making others uncomfortable. They kinda sound like they are trying to control what you do. Maybe you should move out like the other poster said.
You need to politely tell them they're being unreasonable, on all counts. What you and your boyfriend get up to in the privacy of your own bedrooms is only relevant to you and him, and PDAs in your house should be acceptable- as long as it's just the occasional kiss and cuddle, and not dry humping each other in the kitchen.
Original post by Octohedral
I think you are right in sentiment, but I have to say that I would find my housemates requesting the house to themselves for a few hours quite irritating. I like the freedom of my own room. I might be persuaded if it was only occasional, but in the OP's case I don't think they will take it well.
Yes but unfortunately the noise created by certain activities do not respect the boundaries of your room. You should respect your house mates and they should respect your autonomy. You do not live on your own, you should be respectful of your house mates. Equally, they need to make allowances for you. They should give you the house to yourself; stay at University for a few extra hours...
A subtly better way to put it might be to try to find out when they are all going out anyway. It's not an ideal, but I do sympathise, and the OP's housemates do sound like ****s - there's no excuse for hiding behind nasty Facebook messages or lists of rules.
The way they did it was nasty but their point is fine.
OP, out of interest, can I ask if religion is involved in this? It's quite possible not, but they sound a bit conservative even by the standards of irritable housemates. Sleeping together is certainly none of their business.
No but hearing it is. Quite a few people I know hate it when their house mates are too loud too often.
Just go Super Saiyan and let them see your ultimate form. That ought to do it 
But seriously, best just to talk it through with them over a meeting or something. Ultimately it's your decision who you go out with though, even if it sort of affects their day-to-day lives.
But seriously, best just to talk it through with them over a meeting or something. Ultimately it's your decision who you go out with though, even if it sort of affects their day-to-day lives.Quick Reply
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