What is a 'spark' or a 'special connection'?

My boyfriend thinks that we have no *spark*, which he seems to think is a 'special connection' where we just *know* each others feelings. Does this actually exist? Because I can't help but think he's living in a dream world where he will never find such a connection with anyone. I'm a twin and while I agree i have a 'special connection' with him - it' not in the same way. It's because we've grown up together with the same experiences and shared everything for many years of our lives - it developed. My boyfriend seems to think that a *spark* is something that is there from the beginning of a relationship.

Basically I want to know peoples opinions on what is a spark or a special connection and whether or not they develop or are there from the start....

Opinions?

Reply 1

Viva Emptiness

Sure there is! The spark is when you realise they are saying the words you were thinking of. Or you just get their humour or know what they are going to laugh at before they say it. It's pretty intangible but it's sort of feels like the other person lives in your head, or at least has access to it.

Reply 2

benny_boy

ive never had a spark

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Viva Emptiness

its happened many times where we've came out with exactly the same word. We even played rock paper scissors once, got 6 of the same ones in a row then given up. And I know his humour, not sure he knows mine completely yet though :tongue:

I don't know what else he is expecting... :/

But you say the spark is when you 'realise' these things... So would you say it develops?

Reply 4

IntriguedUser

Hard to explain, ya just kinda... know.

Reply 5

Viva Emptiness

Original post by Anonymous

" class="inlineimg" alt="" src="images/smilies/tongue.png" border="0" smilieid="5"> I don't know what else he is expecting... :/<br>
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But you say the spark is when you 'realise' these things... So would you say it develops?

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I would say the spark is there from the get-go (if you have it at all) - that's why you choose to get to know them more in the first place. I guess the other way that you might identify 'the spark' is from stupid old feelings. You know, like you never want to be apart, and you can't keep your hands off them when they are near. If you guys have that too, well, then...he cray.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by IntriguedUser

Hard to explain, ya just kinda... know.

Original post by Viva Emptiness

"You just know"... This is exactly what i'm being skeptical about. Lust can trick you into things, it can make you want to believe you have a special connection and love someone and want to be with them forever, its the same thing with religion and people believing they have a special connection with god. I think it's a mind trick. I don't believe it at all, I think a spark is the same thing as lust. But then why does my boyfriend not believe we have a special connection? He's the kind of person who would believe in those things... Makes me think there's a problem elsewhere in the relationship. :/

Reply 7

Viva Emptiness

Original post by Anonymous

Yes, there is a serious problem in the fact that your boyfriend chose to tell you he feels no spark :redface:

"Spark" is a pretty essential ingredient, and I think most couples would agree they have one. Do you think he could be thinking of breaking it off?

Reply 8

aperture

Original post by Viva Emptiness

Yes, there is a serious problem in the fact that your boyfriend chose to tell you he feels no spark :redface:

"Spark" is a pretty essential ingredient, and I think most couples would agree they have one. Do you think he could be thinking of breaking it off?

Sounds like it to me? :/

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Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Viva Emptiness

Yes, there is a serious problem in the fact that your boyfriend chose to tell you he feels no spark :redface:

"Spark" is a pretty essential ingredient, and I think most couples would agree they have one. Do you think he could be thinking of breaking it off?

Well, he can be a bit bipolar sometimes... He will make out something is wrong and then it turns out next time i talk to him everything is fine and he acts like nothing ever happened. But it has never happened at a time like this just after i've seen him (we're in an LDR). He went back 3 days ago after seeing me for 10 days.
Maybe living with someone for 10 days in the same room isn't very healthy?

Reply 10

Viva Emptiness

Original post by Anonymous

It depends how long you've been together I think, ten days living together can be a bit "much" especially if you're used to an LDR, but still it's not a very...nice(?) thing to say? Did he say it after he got home?

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Viva Emptiness

Well I have no doubt that he is still attracted to me and he said he has lots of fun times when with me but that he doesn't feel a special connection where he knows what im feeling and i know what he's feeling, he thinks that that's missing. But I disagree with it...

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

lol sorry i realised i didn't answer your question in my other reply, no he didnt say it as soon as he got back. He said it last night, 1 & half days after he went back. When he got back the first thing he said to one of his friends was that he's moving to my area after he's finished uni. The signals I get from him are up and down :/

Reply 13

Anna.Karenina

I don't believe in this 'I like him, I'm not sure if he likes me' business; I think having a spark or special connection means that you both know how you feel about each other, by the things you say/the way you act etc. My fiancé waved at me as I walking past his office window, and I waved back - we both knew then :smile: