Does Love really exist between a couple?

Sorry that i have to post as Anon because someone has been tracking my post.

I mentioned the question in the other thread but decided to start a new one as it's off the topic. I was talking bout this with my friend earlier on and she said it does excist; but why can't i feel it when i'm with a guy that i fancy(we're not going out) or when i was with my ex? I do fancy 1 or 2 guys at the moment. I think about them when i'm not seeing them but when i'm with them I don't feel much different apart from a little happy and shy.

How do you know if you're in love? Does the love that everyone been saying really exist? Will that be just a true friendship?

I would like to see what other people think.

ps: I started to wonder if i'm a lesbian as I don't have that kind of "oh-i-will-die-for-you-my-boy" feeling. I don't fancy girls the way i fancy guys, but i'll say "oh that girl is pretty!"

Yes, love can exist. But it depends on how you define love - I believe there can be a mutal bond between people of unshakeable love, affection and trust.

I have this feeling for my two younger sisters, and i'm sure it'll not change no matter what. But I thought that's probably i've spent lots of my time looking after, entertaine and help them. Is this how the LOVE build up between a couple as well? If so, you could love so many guys just because u've spent so much time with them.

It's different loves.

There is a love you have for your family, and then the love you have for the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Then you have paltry first loves and crushes that seem like love.

For the love you have for that one person, it isn't a build up of love. It just hits you. You can't explain or reason it.

How long were you with your ex, was it a successful relationship? Sometimes people just don't click but as people who have been in love or are in love will always tell you; 'you'll know when you're in love'

I don't know - with my 'first love' (and currently only love), I am sure that I did love her. Am I being naive? Maybe, but there was just such a deep feeling beyond anything I'd felt for anyone before - beyond a huge crush or lust or even a close friendship: just something hugely 'extra'. I really can't explain it better than that.

That feeling only arised after I got with her - it wasn't there before, even though we'd been friends for a relatively long time before. When we were just friends, I fancied her like mad, but I wasn't 'in love' with her until we actually got together and even then it took me a while to work out.

Now that we've split up, we still get on (chatting/texting randomly) and sometimes get very flirty, but that huge feeling I called 'love' before isn't there and it's more a longing for that feeling again than the actual feeling when I get on with her.

I therefore think that love DOES exist, but only in a relationship and if you aren't in a relationship, you sort of only fancy the person and wish you did have that feeling.

But I really don't know, because as I said - my first love is my only love so far and maybe as I get older, I'll discover I was totally wrong in all what I just wrote.

theres a huge difference between loving someone, and BEING IN love with someone.
xx

I don't know - with my 'first love' (and currently only love), I am sure that I did love her. Am I being naive? Maybe, but there was just such a deep feeling beyond anything I'd felt for anyone before - beyond a huge crush or lust or even a close friendship: just something hugely 'extra'. I really can't explain it better than that.

For the love you have for that one person, it isn't a build up of love. It just hits you. You can't explain or reason it.

The reason why I said paltry, is that in comparison to the true love that you can find, your first love is nothing. Your first love is an important thing, but with age and maturity you get over it. That's not to say it isn't love.

Would you mind clearified this please?

But what about people who get together young and remain in love forever? It happens less and less nowadays which suggests that people of older generations like our grandparents and great-grandparents maybe weren't actually as 'in love' as they could have been because they just stayed with their first loves. But it does truly seem like they were/are happy with staying with their 'paltry first loves'.

You can 'get over' anyone you've been in love with - even the love of your life. What if, at the end of your life, you realise that the person you split up with 10 years before you married your spouse was actually the love of your life? And you had just convinced yourself you loved your spouse more because you had 'got over' the love of your life)?

Similarly - what if (on reflection looking back at everyone that you were in love with), your first love was the love of your life, you just split up early and got over that love and accepted less because you had 'got over' it and not remember quite how vividly how great it was? Maybe people of an older generation just stayed with their first love because they knew it might not get any better.

Just a thought.



I can try - I was 'in love' with my ex when I was with her. It's a feeling of constantly wanting to be with them and being happy with them and a slight downer when you part and excitement at meeting them again and so on, plus just that 'extra' element that you can't really describe.

However, I still 'love' her as a person as I do with most of my close mates - knowing she is a great, sweet, genuine girl that I really get on with. It's actually hard to describe, sorry.

Do u mean it hits you just suddenly when you see someone; or after u have been going out with someone u fancy?

I was out with him for 3 months. The reason i broke up with him was because i didn't attracted to him as time passed, and the feeling i used to have for him faded away constantly. I kissed him just to make him happy, and i thought that's not going in the right way, so i called it over.

I see. I think i understand this because i LOVE my sisters. Loosing them is like missing something valuable in my life. Is that what i will feel if i am in love with a guy? And yeah, I don't think I've experience it.

That's great. Phew

After you've spent a lot of some with someone. Love at first sight is a load of nonsense to be honest!!

In past relationships when I was young, I would slowly fall in love after building up from a base of only going out with them because I fancied them a bit. Now I realise that it wasn't actually love, but just deepening feelings for the other person. It feels very real at the time though.