My boyfriend earns to much money
This sounds a stupid post I know. BUt recently ive started to feel a bit left behind and a bit left out of my boyfriends life. Hes 25 im 21. Im in my second year of uni and still have another 2 years before I graduate. I work part time so I have a small amount of savings but nowhere near enough to be able to move out when I finish uni (I literally have about £800 in savings) so im clearly going to have to move back home after university. I want to be a solicitor but struggling to even get a training contract so the likelihood is ill be a paralegal which is a very small wage (£15-17000) so again it will take me years to save to move out.
My boyfriend is moving out this year and buying a house. Im very proud of him for doing this but his friend is moving in with him and his friends girlfriend. All he goes on about is his house when we're together all he does is google houses and furniture and things like that I understand that hes excited it must be amazing being able to move out but at the same time I just feel a bit left behind. He never mentions me coming to stay and refers to it as a 'lad pad' him andhis friend and the girlfriend (who ive never met) are going furniture shopping, my boyfriends telling me about the house warming party he will have etc etc but again no mention of me ever being included.
He's got a really good job and has recently had a pay rise which means he's now on £40,000 a year. Im over the moon for him but at the same time like I said feel a bit left behind. It be years and years before ill ever be able to earn anything like that. He's started socialsing with more older and professional people he's going out for drinks in London with a girl whose some city banker etc etc. I know I sound like im making a deal out of nothing but I just scared he'll get fed up of me and leave me for somebody whose better and doing well in life. Hes buying his own house driving flashy cars going out to posh bars in London with all these professional rich people and im a second year student. I just don't know why I feel like this or what to do but its really getting me down
Edit: Im sorry I don't think I made myself clear at all the money is irrelevant its the fact hes fastly moving on in life and I cant keep up with him everything in our relationship is changing and im scared ill loose him because I don't fit into this new life. Nothing to do with money I just said about the job to try show that im not on a level with him not to compete financially but in the sense of life stages i.e hes getting his own house like a grown up ill be living at home for another god knows how many years im worried he'll get fed up of me always lagging behind,
My boyfriend is moving out this year and buying a house. Im very proud of him for doing this but his friend is moving in with him and his friends girlfriend. All he goes on about is his house when we're together all he does is google houses and furniture and things like that I understand that hes excited it must be amazing being able to move out but at the same time I just feel a bit left behind. He never mentions me coming to stay and refers to it as a 'lad pad' him andhis friend and the girlfriend (who ive never met) are going furniture shopping, my boyfriends telling me about the house warming party he will have etc etc but again no mention of me ever being included.
He's got a really good job and has recently had a pay rise which means he's now on £40,000 a year. Im over the moon for him but at the same time like I said feel a bit left behind. It be years and years before ill ever be able to earn anything like that. He's started socialsing with more older and professional people he's going out for drinks in London with a girl whose some city banker etc etc. I know I sound like im making a deal out of nothing but I just scared he'll get fed up of me and leave me for somebody whose better and doing well in life. Hes buying his own house driving flashy cars going out to posh bars in London with all these professional rich people and im a second year student. I just don't know why I feel like this or what to do but its really getting me down
Edit: Im sorry I don't think I made myself clear at all the money is irrelevant its the fact hes fastly moving on in life and I cant keep up with him everything in our relationship is changing and im scared ill loose him because I don't fit into this new life. Nothing to do with money I just said about the job to try show that im not on a level with him not to compete financially but in the sense of life stages i.e hes getting his own house like a grown up ill be living at home for another god knows how many years im worried he'll get fed up of me always lagging behind,
(edited 10 years ago)
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It's so hard to find good men nowadays *sigh* I can understand where your coming from. I don't blame you at all for how you feel. I think you should confront him.
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Ok obviously nobody understands how I feel then
Original post by Anonymous
This sounds a stupid post I know. BUt recently ive started to feel a bit left behind and a bit left out of my boyfriends life. Hes 25 im 21. Im in my second year of uni and still have another 2 years before I graduate. I work part time so I have a small amount of savings but nowhere near enough to be able to move out when I finish uni (I literally have about £800 in savings) so im clearly going to have to move back home after university. I want to be a solicitor but struggling to even get a training contract so the likelihood is ill be a paralegal which is a very small wage (£15-17000) so again it will take me years to save to move out.
My boyfriend is moving out this year and buying a house. Im very proud of him for doing this but his friend is moving in with him and his friends girlfriend. All he goes on about is his house when we're together all he does is google houses and furniture and things like that I understand that hes excited it must be amazing being able to move out but at the same time I just feel a bit left behind. He never mentions me coming to stay and refers to it as a 'lad pad' him andhis friend and the girlfriend (who ive never met) are going furniture shopping, my boyfriends telling me about the house warming party he will have etc etc but again no mention of me ever being included.
He's got a really good job and has recently had a pay rise which means he's now on £40,000 a year. Im over the moon for him but at the same time like I said feel a bit left behind. It be years and years before ill ever be able to earn anything like that. He's started socialsing with more older and professional people he's going out for drinks in London with a girl whose some city banker etc etc. I know I sound like im making a deal out of nothing but I just scared he'll get fed up of me and leave me for somebody whose better and doing well in life. Hes buying his own house driving flashy cars going out to posh bars in London with all these professional rich people and im a second year student. I just don't know why I feel like this or what to do but its really getting me down
My boyfriend is moving out this year and buying a house. Im very proud of him for doing this but his friend is moving in with him and his friends girlfriend. All he goes on about is his house when we're together all he does is google houses and furniture and things like that I understand that hes excited it must be amazing being able to move out but at the same time I just feel a bit left behind. He never mentions me coming to stay and refers to it as a 'lad pad' him andhis friend and the girlfriend (who ive never met) are going furniture shopping, my boyfriends telling me about the house warming party he will have etc etc but again no mention of me ever being included.
He's got a really good job and has recently had a pay rise which means he's now on £40,000 a year. Im over the moon for him but at the same time like I said feel a bit left behind. It be years and years before ill ever be able to earn anything like that. He's started socialsing with more older and professional people he's going out for drinks in London with a girl whose some city banker etc etc. I know I sound like im making a deal out of nothing but I just scared he'll get fed up of me and leave me for somebody whose better and doing well in life. Hes buying his own house driving flashy cars going out to posh bars in London with all these professional rich people and im a second year student. I just don't know why I feel like this or what to do but its really getting me down
His salary isn't the problem here - it's your attitude!
Yes there is both a financial and lifestyle gap between the two of you at the moment (there's no denying that) but you need to be supportive and use it as motivation to further your career.
You might not earn 40k by the time you're 25 (few do!) but you can def work your cotton socks off career wise and have an equally successful career.
Support him and focus on your own career - not your insecurity over his.
More seriously - it sounds like you're kind of insecure about how much you yourself earn as well as him? Which I guess is understandable; have you tried looking for ways to deal with it like moving to full time work or applying for new jobs or a promotion? You have to be really proactive to succeed with your career. Doesn't sound like your bf is doing anything particularly wrong 
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by DoctorInTraining
His salary isn't the problem here - it's your attitude!
Yes there is both a financial and lifestyle gap between the two of you at the moment (there's no denying that) but you need to be supportive and use it as motivation to further your career.
You might not earn 40k by the time you're 25 (few do!) but you can def work your cotton socks off career wise and have an equally successful career.
Support him and focus on your own career - not your insecurity over his.
Yes there is both a financial and lifestyle gap between the two of you at the moment (there's no denying that) but you need to be supportive and use it as motivation to further your career.
You might not earn 40k by the time you're 25 (few do!) but you can def work your cotton socks off career wise and have an equally successful career.
Support him and focus on your own career - not your insecurity over his.
Couldn't have said better.
Relationships are rarely completely equal, but if you love each other you'll get over it. If he owns a house, could you not move in with him when you graduate? It wouldn't make much sense paying for different places, would it?
I earned more than my partner for the first 4 years of our relationship, and he contributed as much as he could but I would pay for days out and meals etc.
He's just got a job and is part time for the first six months then moving on to full time. It's likely that, assuming he gets a pay rise after the first six months, he will be earning more than me because he's on a good wage now. That will be weird, but I won't feel bad about it.
As long as we can both live comfortably I don't see that it matters who pays for things as long as one person isn't just taking advantage.
I earned more than my partner for the first 4 years of our relationship, and he contributed as much as he could but I would pay for days out and meals etc.
He's just got a job and is part time for the first six months then moving on to full time. It's likely that, assuming he gets a pay rise after the first six months, he will be earning more than me because he's on a good wage now. That will be weird, but I won't feel bad about it.
As long as we can both live comfortably I don't see that it matters who pays for things as long as one person isn't just taking advantage.
Original post by Alpha brah
More seriously - it sounds like you're kind of insecure about how much you yourself earn as well as him? Which I guess is understandable; have you tried looking for ways to deal with it like moving to full time work or applying for new jobs or a promotion? You have to be really proactive to succeed with your career. Doesn't sound like your bf is doing anything particularly wrong
oh no I don't think hes doing anything wront at all I wasn't ranting about him at all. Hes great its me that is the problem I just worry as im nowhere near on a par with him he'll get fed up like I wont be able to move in with him for years. I guess I think hes got so much going for him hes got woman left right and centre will he be content with me
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
oh no I don't think hes doing anything wront at all I wasn't ranting about him at all. Hes great its me that is the problem I just worry as im nowhere near on a par with him he'll get fed up like I wont be able to move in with him for years. I guess I think hes got so much going for him hes got woman left right and centre will he be content with me
Oh I see
Sounds like you need to be content with how much you're achieving too? Have you tried pushing yourself harder re: your career?You make a mention to him socialising in London with a girl who's a city banker...what are you worried about in relation to this girl?
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what does he actual work as? has he got a degree just wondered
To be honest £40k in London isn't really that much... it's the kind of money that most professionals working in Central London should be looking to get within a couple of years of graduating. You may be struggling to find jobs right now but you've got 2 years until graduation. Keep plugging away at it, and if you get a training contract with a law firm then you'll be on similar money to him anyway. Don't worry about it too much
Regarding the issue of him buying his house... maybe just tell him that you want to get more involved?
Regarding the issue of him buying his house... maybe just tell him that you want to get more involved?
Original post by Shazzarr
My mums on 12k a year and you think £15k is a small wage? My god.
Money isn't everything and your relationship isn't a race.
Money isn't everything and your relationship isn't a race.
your mum's income doesn't represent any significant benchmark. both £12,000 and £15,000 are relatively small incomes.
Original post by Slyca
It's so hard to find good men nowadays *sigh* I can understand where your coming from. I don't blame you at all for how you feel. I think you should confront him.
Seemingly also hard to find one that can spell.
Confront him? How dare you have a successful career and earn more than me, otherwise known as how to get yourself chucked.
Original post by Slazenger
your mum's income doesn't represent any significant benchmark. both £12,000 and £15,000 are relatively small incomes.
It might not seem much to you but £15k is enough to live on and is hella lot more than 12.
What im trying to say is that op is going through a bit of financial snobbery just to feel equal to her other half.
Original post by Slazenger
your mum's income doesn't represent any significant benchmark. both £12,000 and £15,000 are relatively small incomes.
There is a big difference between the two in my opinion. Getting by on £12k a year is much tougher, especially with a family/children to support like some do, than £15k.
That extra 3k really does make a big difference-it is an extra £60 a week which is about as much as a single person spends on food every fortnight.
In regards to the OP the point is that she is still on a decent salary so shouldn't feel too bad-her job is a promising one that may well go up in the future.
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