Building bridges

A friend and I had a pretty serious falling out recently. I found out she was lying to me, but I shouldn't have been doing what I was doing in the process of finding out if you know what I mean :s

In a way, we are both in the wrong. Its been a week since we spoke, and I've since calmed down a little, and feel like I should at least try and repair the damage. She's made no effort to contact me, so I don't know how she feels. I'm not willing to beg for forgiveness, when it wasn't just me in the wrong, but if she is also willing to make an effort, so am I. Firstly, how should I initiate contact, when its been a week since we spoke/saw each other? And secondly, how should I say sorry without seeming too weak, without it seeming like I'm 'giving in'?

thanks.

Reply 1

generalebriety

16

Takes two to tango... or, indeed, converse. She may be thinking the exact same as you. Barge in there with the usual hello and stuff, say "sorry about blah, I just thought I should explain, [brief summary], but I never disliked you for it, and I was hoping we could still be friends" or whatever's relevant to say. If she says no, she's not your friend.

Reply 2

HearTheThunder

17

You're not giving in. In admitting you were in the wrong - you are being the bigger person. Besides - you say that you don't know how they feel because you haven't been in contact, well then the same is logically true of them! You're not at a disadvantage, in fact you're both as bad as each other as it were. Just find her - denounce that both of you were wrong, and say you wanna put it behind you. If she won't let it go, then don't bother with her.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for the replies. Yeah, I think it will be in the best interests of everyone to make up. Its just that I'm bloody sick of always having to be "the bigger man" all the pissing time. No one ever makes an effort with me first, its always me who goes up to them. meh

/rant

Reply 4

HearTheThunder

17

Anonymous

Thanks for the replies. Yeah, I think it will be in the best interests of everyone to make up. Its just that I'm bloody sick of always having to be "the bigger man" all the pissing time. No one ever makes an effort with me first, its always me who goes up to them. meh

/rant

But you = coole.

Seriously - in the long run it SO makes you the better person :biggrin:

So get egotistical, now.

Reply 5

mipmapped

13

Its just that I'm bloody sick of always having to be "the bigger man" all the pissing time. No one ever makes an effort with me first, its always me who goes up to them. meh

Look on the bright side: Less time in purgatory.

Reply 6

hermajesty

6

Anonymous

Its just that I'm bloody sick of always having to be "the bigger man" all the pissing time. No one ever makes an effort with me first, its always me who goes up to them. meh

/rant

Its strange, but so many people seem to think that (including myself at times). I've been in situations where two friends have fallen out and they both complain that they're always the one who apologises. I guess we tend to remember the times when we've had to back down more than the times other people have backed down. It's good that you're willing to try and make up though.

Do you have any mutual friends who you could sound out, to see how angry the other person is/ how willing they might be to making up?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

hermajesty

Its strange, but so many people seem to think that (including myself at times). I've been in situations where two friends have fallen out and they both complain that they're always the one who apologises. I guess we tend to remember the times when we've had to back down more than the times other people have backed down. It's good that you're willing to try and make up though.

Do you have any mutual friends who you could sound out, to see how angry the other person is/ how willing they might be to making up?

Hmm, I could, but the incident in question is kinda...personal. I don't won't to get other people involved if I don't have to, but knowing her she'll probably have already bitched about me to several people by now anyway.

Building bridges

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