The Student Room Group

just friends....

Me and this girl are friends. There was always a little spark, although she mentioned in an email she doesnt want to be anything but happy to be continue being friends as we basically are anyway. I do have feelings for her.

But as we're just meeting as friends it keeps hurting me. I always think about her, but I do like her as a friend a lot and always did.

Should I break off all contact so I can get over her? This would seem quite extreme to her.

Although having been hurt from this email I know nothing will happen so I *may* find it easy to be just friends. Or I'll keep on hurting like I am.

Help!!....... :frown:

________
p.s. Im 17 and finished a-levels, off to uni sep '2007.

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Personally, I wouldn't risk it. Stay friends. Breaking off contact is probably the most hurtful thing you could do, to both of you. When was this email sent?
Reply 2
Hey and welcome to tsr!
I think you need to think about what you really want. Is the friendship worth a lot and therefore should be kept? (i mean it could break down if you had a relationship with her anyway) Or would it be easier for both of you to grow apart (from what you've said i dont see how this can help tbh)
but you need to think about it hard cos she may change her ideas and eventually something could happen between you and if not, the hurt should go away eventually
good luck! :smile: xxx
Yeah, welcome to TSR too... :redface:
Reply 4
Its actually been driving me crazy for many months, simply not knowing. This is/was more the problem. Now that I do know it hurts. I cant see it going away if I keep seeing her.

Is the friendship worth a lot and therefore should be kept?


Well shes not my "best-best" friend but have so much fun when together. We keep in regular contact but meet only every fortnight-ish. And its the time between this is what gets to me.

Im not sure I can "be friends" at the moment. If I explain everything it will make our friendship awkward. No, I dont want to lose her as a friend. The whole thing keeps making me sad, angry, frustrated etc most days! And has done for MONTHS.

I think you need to think about what you really want


Well, a load of time away from her? BUT she's going away for the half a year before uni to work abroad. By which time I (should) be over her and heading our separate ways except holidays and the odd visit. SO its all about the next several months before this:

I feel I need to do something. I really do:

- I continue "being friends", I will continue having feelings, (which wont go away and keep ruining my life)
- Tell her all, but I dont see how this will help me personally.
- Or what? Breaking off contact will be hurtful for her and I lose a friend.
But I can't keep on like this!

Friends would be fine - but its KILLING me!!

What should I do?
Reply 5
No-one? :redface:
Reply 6
I can imagine it's a pretty hard position to be in, but speaking from experience the other end is just as bad. It's horrible having to tell a friend that you're not interested in them as anything else. But you should stay friends, definitely. You will regret it if you don't and it will upset your friend too.
Reply 7
It'll pass. Just grit your teeth and ride it out. It's the forbidden fruit scenario. You can't have it, so you want it more. Perfectly normal. Try and think of reasons you wouldn't want to be together when you see her, or focus your mind on other things (but be careful not to daydream!). It'll pass, and you can enjoy a good friendship.
Reply 8
...
I'm in exactly same position at mo and it's not much fun. Though sounds like you're case much worse as not 100% sure i really like the guy, and I don't yet know his feelings for me
Phil_T_
Me and this girl are friends. There was always a little spark, although she mentioned in an email she doesnt want to be anything but happy to be continue being friends as we basically are anyway. I do have feelings for her.

But as we're just meeting as friends it keeps hurting me. I always think about her, but I do like her as a friend a lot and always did.

Should I break off all contact so I can get over her? This would seem quite extreme to her.

Although having been hurt from this email I know nothing will happen so I *may* find it easy to be just friends. Or I'll keep on hurting like I am.

Help!!....... :frown:

________
p.s. Im 17 and finished a-levels, off to uni sep '2007.




So basically, you were just friends with this girl so you could try and give her your nuts, and now she's blown you out in that regards you want to stop being friends with her? ?!!! ??

You're an idiot.
Reply 11
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motoko
No no I'm sure he doesn't mean it like that... he just wants her in that love way, she just wants him as a friend and having been in that position I can say it's hard to know what to do, it can be really difficult to be just friends with someone you like in that way, and is probably for the best for him to have nothing to do with her seeing as he's not ever likely to get with her in a relationship sense... I don't reckon he's all about the sex here



Better friends than nothing surely.
Reply 13
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Reply 14
motoko
Having been in a kind of similar situation... I would say it would probably be for the best to break contact. Like you say, whilst you're just her "friend" and meeting up as friends it's going to be killing you, and you might always be hanging on to some kind of hope that one day maybe she'll want you as more than that. At least that's how I used to be. And it's not good Especially if she gets with someone else and you're there and around to watch it happen...


motoko you are 100% accurate with all you're replies. The problem is the "small hope". I need to be able to meet without this hope of anything else. Im not there yet though I've never even really tried!! Its whether I break contact like motoko says or I just.......

ride it out and you can enjoy a good friendship


During the daytime (not evening) this is what I think, like now. I can be strong. We are friends. I dont even know if I want a relationship with her, maybe cause shes already told me she doesnt. [EDIT: That was a lie!]

I could try really hard to get over her although it hasnt worked previously. Also, I dont see her that often which I dont know is a good or bad thing. There's lots of time I could think about things which isn't healthy.

-- I may try to get over her first off as this can be undone unlike breaking contact. But if that hope remains I will stay in exactly the same state.

then if she gets with someone else having to watch that knowing he still wants her that way would not really be so good for his mental state...


Yes. This would hurt a lot. Which makes me think whilst this would hurt me, Im nowhere near over her.
This situation happens, I think leaving her completely will help you get over her and eventually love someone else.

I'm in uni and there's a guy I like and I know he does too. but because we both have different beliefs we wont be able to have a relationship
Difference here is that I see him everyday and we're friends. He's a great guy. We've never talked about being anything more than friends - and - we probably never will. I guess i'll keep thinking of him until I graduate, and then we'll each go our separate ways and hopefully then i'll remember him as a friend, nothing more.
I thought about such issues before... u cant force someone to love you, so best is to try (I know it will hurt) and un-love them :confused:
I was in the same position as you were, and one day, with the help of a close friend, we had a rendezvous at the school library. I then blurted out my feelings towards her.

The most unexpected thing had happened. She just ran away! (Well not too far but at a table opposite the book shelves where I was standing) Disappointed, I went out and was feeling very very depressed.

When we met each other again later, the situation was rather awkward, neither of us knew what to say. But as time passes by, we continued to be just friends, and I never did bring up the topic of "confessing my love to her again". Till today.

It's simply just a matter of telling your "friend" your feelings towards her. But if she's not in love with you, don't force her to. You're only making things worse. Instead tell her that you're simply happy to remain as good friends and nothing more. I'm sure a good woman like her will understand :wink:

I'm sure that after you blurt out everything to her, you will feel much better, if things turn out for the better :smile:
Reply 17
Phil_T_
Me and this girl are friends. There was always a little spark, although she mentioned in an email she doesnt want to be anything but happy to be continue being friends as we basically are anyway. I do have feelings for her.

But as we're just meeting as friends it keeps hurting me. I always think about her, but I do like her as a friend a lot and always did.

Should I break off all contact so I can get over her? This would seem quite extreme to her.

Although having been hurt from this email I know nothing will happen so I *may* find it easy to be just friends. Or I'll keep on hurting like I am.

Help!!....... :frown:

________
p.s. Im 17 and finished a-levels, off to uni sep '2007.

hey... i know exactly how u are feeling, as i am stuck in the same old rut! with mine its a bit complicated, because only last week we sort of got a bit intimate (me and my best friend) and now...were just BEST FRIENDS!! depressing...!
Reply 18
Lady_She
with mine its a bit complicated, because only last week we sort of got a bit intimate


oh I forgot to say, yeah, same here (both drunk), which is what led to the email.
Reply 19
Very difficult i have a best mate who has liked me alot for nearly 2 years and get very down about not being with me and me flirting with other people its very hard but dont break contact. At the same time u can hold her back, i cant help feeling guilty so change my behaviour around him or feel guilty. For example i flirt alot with his mate and he does with me when drunk its fairly innocent but it hurts the mate who fancies me and makes me feel awful. So make sure you dont put her in a difficult position. I did find it easier knowing excalty how the guy felt but its depends on the individual.