Should I give in to my older brother's best friend?

I've known my brother's best friend for many years, you could say we pretty much grew up in each others company. We've always laughed and joked with one another but we've never really spent much time alone. Sometimes I catch him staring at me in a non-platonic way when I'm doing something, or we'll touch (whilst playing a game etc) and the room will fill with sexual tension.

He's asked me twice whether or not I have a boyfriend, to which I've responded that I've not got anything going on at the moment. He always smiles a bit and tells me that I'm beautiful and that he's "surprised". It did throw me a bit the first time he commented on my looks as I was worried my brother might somehow hear. I know he would fight him if he did. One time after he asked me, my brother entered the room and the vibe completely changed as we both knew we were doing something wrong. I feel guilty, but interacting with him in this way makes me realise just how much I'm physically I'm attracted to him.

He's frequently at my house and recently I came out of the shower just as he was coming up the stairs to use the bathroom. I came out in my towel and it was really, really tense. I didn't expect him to be standing there so had to shuffle past him a bit. He laughed nervously but was staring at me intensely as I walked to my room. I have his number on my phone as my brother has used it to call/text him. He texted me a few hours later saying that I looked really good earlier on. I knew what he was referring to. As terrible as it sounds I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to control myself. I don't want to hurt my brother or disrespect him in any way. I'm also conflicted because I can't imagine how my brother's best friend could pursue this so boldly? My brother would go absolutely insane. We're both less than 2 years apart but he's always treated me as his innocent "baby" sister which makes it worse.

Reply 1

SoftPunch

So what? I doubt your brother would mind, unless he is gay and his friend is more than just a friend.

Reply 2

ilex_noemi

Original post by SoftPunch

So what? I doubt your brother would mind, unless he is gay and his friend is more than just a friend.

There is the fear that it doesn't work out and he has to obviously be there for his little sister and possibly lose his best friend?

I can understand why your brother would freak out a little but it is your choice. He probably wouldn't be happy to begin with but siblings usually warm to the idea of it eventually.

Reply 3

Mult

Get him to ask your brother. The relationship will only work if your brother approves to be honest. I mean if one of my best friends started dating my younger sister without telling me, then he wouldn't be a very good friend.

Reply 4

desdemonata

He's your brother's best friend, the only reason you don't see him as completely fair game is because you know your brother is over protective.

Unfortunately getting together without telling your brother would be a bad idea as he would inevitably find out and ****storm. The best thing to do would be to speak candidly to this guy asking him what he plans to do about that and whether or not he has the balls to ask your brother about dating you :colone:

Once you've consulted with your brother, it's ultimately your choice and your life. You should be able to date who you like, and it's your brother's fault that he can only see you as a "baby" when you're not.

So basically what I'm saying is, your brother's friend should tell him, but not to ask for permission, just out of respect for him and to let him know so he can process it without throwing a tantrum, because we're past the days of women being property and really, he should prefer you dating someone he knows and presumably trusts than a stranger.

Reply 5

Scott.

Depends on the circumstances.

Reply 6

FlavaFavourFruit

I wouldn't be too happy if my best mate was dating my younger sister.....

But talk to him about it before you do anything. It'll be easier.

Reply 7

The_Dragonborn

Yes! Give in! The two of you find a room and bang each other's brains out! It'll be even more fun and steamy because you know your brother probably would not approve! :colone:

Reply 8

bluemax

I would probably break my friend's jaw if he dare do something like this. Brothers worry about their sisters getting hurt in the wrong run. Its worse when its by someone who is really close to you. Ask your brother before you let the estrogen control you.

Reply 9

Kim-Jong-Illest

Original post by SoftPunch

So what? I doubt your brother would mind, unless he is gay and his friend is more than just a friend.

nah fam you don't just casually bang ur m8s sister without even asking, ish gets ugly

Reply 10

AnharM

Let's look at it this way, if I could choose any guy to be my sisters boyfriend/husband, I would choose my best mate, because I know that he's a great guy and he would treat my sister with great care. I don't think your brother would mind in the end.

But if your brother knows that his mate plays around with girls and treats girls with little respect, then he has a right to feel angry about the situation, because he's only trying to protect you.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by bluemax

That's my biggest concern. My brother would actually kill him, which makes me wonder if it's worth it or not. But the problem is, the longer we don't do anything about it, the more the sexual tension builds up? I know my brother would NEVER accept a relationship between me and him. We've all known one another for so long, he'd see it as the ultimate betrayal. They've spoken about girls with one another before and I've overheard it, and I can't possibly imagine me being with his best friend. It would end their relationship and my brother would see me in a completely different way as he's very protective and regards me as his innocent baby sister despite our closeness in age. It would not be like Ross and Rachel at all lol.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by AnharM

I understand but I believe my brother would see it more from the angle that his best friend is having sex with his little sister and has been thinking about her in that way behind his back. It would destroy their friendship as he trusts him, and probably won't be able to comprehend how he could start anything with me. He is a respectful, nice guy which is why he's over my house so much and my brother's comfortable with him being around me (my brother wouldn't let just anybody in lol) and we've known one another since childhood/early teens.

Reply 13

Crumpet1

Original post by Anonymous

Initially I thought the same as everyone else - that he should talk to your brother before asking you out. But if you really genuinely believe this to be true ^^^, then I'm sorry I don't think you should go out with him. You can't sacrifice your brother's lifelong friendship over this.

If you don't mind the question, how old are you OP?

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Crumpet1

I'm 19 and my brother and his best friend are both 21. His best friend is also close to our family, my parents like him as he's been friends with my brother since primary school. He's a polite guy too so my parents are fond of him, which makes them comfortable when he's around me alone etc.

Reply 15

Crumpet1

Original post by Anonymous

What if you discussed the pros and cons with your mum perhaps. She'll be able to see both her children's point of view. If she thinks it's a bad idea, she'll tell you. If she supports it, maybe she can smooth the way with your brother.

Reply 16

tooskyblue

Original post by Anonymous

Please, don't be controlled by your brother. If he doesn't want you to find happiness in love, he doesn't have your best interests at heart. Go for the guy if you love him and if it doesn't work out, you'll learn something new.