I cant cope :( Please help me.

Ok my friend told me about a month ago that she was depressed. I kind of expected this, however i was glad she told me. This was fine, i was happy talking to her, cheering her up was ok. She has been getting worse however and she recently told me she has been self harming for over a year. I was shocked about this, but i completely understood this being a self harmer myself, however i had stopped self harming at this time. I have been offering her advice and support keeping her going when she is down. Today, she told me she is consdering OD, i was shocked to hear this, she has been down recently but i didnt think she was that bad :s:

I basically told her she needs to get help. I encouraged her to write a letter to give to someone who could help, this was very brave of her, however i dont think she is gonna give it to anyone, i offered to give it to them myself so she can get the help she so desperately needs.
However this has been taking its toll on me :frown:

I spent this afternoon in tears, along with my other problems i cant cope. I have an incredible urge to SH, something i havent done for ages :frown:

I cant tell anyone about her because she would never trust me again and i need her trust to get her through this, is there any way i could help her :frown:

Basically i just needed to let off steam, id appreciate advice onto how realistically to cope, and how to encourage her to tell someone and to get help. Any adive, thanks :hugs:

Reply 1

BlackHawk

17

Why haven't you told a responsible adult, or phoned a helpline to try and get her some help? Just telling her to get help won't do anything if she doesn't even have the willpower to live.

Reply 2

AndySoOoOoN

Its pass trust tbh, you should just go to a doctor or something and tell them the whole story about her aswell.

Theres not much we can say because we dont know WHY she is like this etc, but the best you could do is stay positive.

Reply 3

MissSmith

1

just keep your head and any morals you relay to her ("SH isnt worth it" type thing) put them into practice with yourself.

and keep using this message board!

well done for being such a good friend.

xxx

Reply 4

Juno

20

You can't force your friend to get help. And, as selfish as it may seem, you need to concentrate on yourself while you feel bad. Maybe if you get help it might encourage her to.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for both your comments, i know i need to tell someone about her. I dont actually know why she is like that, she hasnt told me, i know its related to her parents particularily her dad. And if i told anyone, and they thought she was at risk wouldnt they tell her parents? As i think thats the only time they can breach patient confidentiality. Im not 100% however. I was considering telling our head of 6th form about her, thats who i am encouraging her to give the letter too, but i myself have never been too good with words, and i would have no idea where to start :s:

Reply 6

Juno

20

If you tell a teacher (ie head of 6th form) they have to tell parents. If you tell anyone medical (ie school nurse) they can't tell anyone unless they believe she's in immediate danger

Reply 7

BlackHawk

17

She could end up killing herself. Screw what her parents think. Tell someone who can get her profesional help.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Juno

You can't force your friend to get help. And, as selfish as it may seem, you need to concentrate on yourself while you feel bad. Maybe if you get help it might encourage her to.

I know i cant force her to get help, i am just strongly encouraging her. She needs to get help, she cant keep going on like that. I have benn getting help, i stopped self harming through this help, however this has made me consider starting again, however due to certain friends i have refrained. I just hate seeing her so upset, not being able to do anything, just sinking further and further into darkness :frown:

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Juno

If you tell a teacher (ie head of 6th form) they have to tell parents. If you tell anyone medical (ie school nurse) they can't tell anyone unless they believe she's in immediate danger

Hmmmmm i shall bare that in mind. I didnt realise that. She wouldnt be able to cope with her parents knowing, she hsa told me it would destroy her mum, and i think as her dad is part of the problem, if he found out, i would actually worry what he would do, i dont know what he is like.

Reply 10

generalebriety

16

Aww

I know exactly how you feel. One of my friends threatened to commit suicide today. I have had no contact with him since because I can't get through to him - he won't have done it, I know that, but it gives you an idea of how depressed some people can be. I once wanted to get into self-harm but I stopped myself. I'm clinically depressed and was once suicidal although I did nothing about it, luckily. I feel sorry for you. It's a horrible position to have to be in... but it really is a matter of life and death sometimes, so I'm glad you're taking responsibility for your friend. :smile:

I wish all friends were like you.

Advice... oh, god. Just keep talking to her I guess. There's not much you can do. Keep her active and smiling, even if that just means talking on msn and having a laugh or talking through her problems or something. Just be careful not to upset her further. It's not a case of keeping her happy - you know yourself that when you're depressed it's simply not possible to snap out of it and see how much better off you are and blah blah, that kind of talk fades into the background or makes you feel worse - it's a case of keeping her entertained, in a way. Make sure that at any one point in time she doesn't feel the urge to go and kill herself, even if she feels bad overall. It takes ten seconds to kill yourself, so please, for her sake and your own, be there for her whenever you can, through phoning and texting her and so on, as long as you're not just annoying her more... blah, I'm repeating myself.

Just be there for her. I wish I'd had friends like you a year back... but I got through it, and you got through it, and so can she. :smile:

Make sure you don't get depressed yourself though. You need to be there for her alone; altruism is sometimes the only way out of this, even if you're faking it. Be strong for her. :smile:

Good luck.

Reply 11

generalebriety

16

In response to other posts - NO NO NO do not tell anyone else! That will not only break the trust she has in you (thereby making her feel worse), but also they cannot force her to get help either - it will just make her more angry, more depressed, and under more pressure to go through with it, with one less friend to turn to. :frown:

Please don't do that.

Reply 12

hermajesty

6

Well done for being a good friend to her. Can you try phoning a helpline, that way you can stay anonymous but talk through your worries with someone helpful?

Reply 13

iz_a_bell

10

well, she needs to tell someone about her problems, getting it out of her system. it usually helps for me. but, instead, I write it down on paper. It feels great not having it bottled up.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

Aww

I know exactly how you feel. One of my friends threatened to commit suicide today. I have had no contact with him since because I can't get through to him - he won't have done it, I know that, but it gives you an idea of how depressed some people can be. I once wanted to get into self-harm but I stopped myself. I'm clinically depressed and was once suicidal although I did nothing about it, luckily. I feel sorry for you. It's a horrible position to have to be in... but it really is a matter of life and death sometimes, so I'm glad you're taking responsibility for your friend. :smile:

I wish all friends were like you.

Advice... oh, god. Just keep talking to her I guess. There's not much you can do. Keep her active and smiling, even if that just means talking on msn and having a laugh or talking through her problems or something. Just be careful not to upset her further. It's not a case of keeping her happy - you know yourself that when you're depressed it's simply not possible to snap out of it and see how much better off you are and blah blah, that kind of talk fades into the background or makes you feel worse - it's a case of keeping her entertained, in a way. Make sure that at any one point in time she doesn't feel the urge to go and kill herself, even if she feels bad overall. It takes ten seconds to kill yourself, so please, for her sake and your own, be there for her whenever you can, through phoning and texting her and so on, as long as you're not just annoying her more... blah, I'm repeating myself.

Just be there for her. I wish I'd had friends like you a year back... but I got through it, and you got through it, and so can she. :smile:

Make sure you don't get depressed yourself though. You need to be there for her alone; altruism is sometimes the only way out of this, even if you're faking it. Be strong for her. :smile:

Good luck.

Thankyou so much. You dont understand how much that helped me, hearing that :hugs:

I appreciate everything you said, and i can relate. I am there for her, she knows i am there for her. I just wish i could do more to help her, i hate not being able to help someone. And dont worry ill look after myself aswell. Thanks again for the advice.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

iz_a_bell

well, she needs to tell someone about her problems, getting it out of her system. it usually helps for me. but, instead, I write it down on paper. It feels great not having it bottled up.

I quite often do that myself, its vrey useful. This time however i needed help and advice from others, im really not to good with words so writing it somewhere like here, helped me immensly.

I cant cope :( Please help me.

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