Why do some guys (like me) always go for the complicated 'bad' girls?

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Mr_Vain
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It is not about the looks, at all, they need not be stunning.

I get nice and reasonable girls wanting me to go on dates and commit, and hang on my every word and they literally used to give me 'signals' all of the time in university. It got kind of ridiculous the more times i rejected girls. But, despite their looks, i just could not be bothered to make the effort and opted for one night stands in clubs/the union instead. I won't lie about my background, I spent a whole gap year studying girls and 'picking up' girls. Prior to that, I spent all of sixth form studying women, like real theoretical material, not that Neil Strauss "The Game" fake palm reading bull ****. I spent all of university playing girls around, it was all just a game.

I had some genuinely good hearted girls wanting to know the 'real me' but it just did not stimulate me whatsoever, i did not even want to have sex with them because i wasn't engaged mentally with them. In fact, i would say that these days (and indeed for quite a while now) i don't really get excited by sex with new girls.

But, the problem. I do seem to be going for the mind ****s. And these are the only girls I am really attracted to. Perhaps, it is for the challenge, because i want their validation. These girls seem to be very intelligent, playful in a girly way and challenging. And they never give themselves away too much. I would say they are manipulative with the constant game playing and pre meditated **** tests. I just wish i could be attracted to some simple nice girl, who does not give me such a mental bother but i can't, i have tried and i can't. I mean, it is really quite bad for me, i go for a girl that blatantly plays men around and has the same mentality to relationships as a typical Casanova. But, even though i am really quite ashamed of myself for being like this i can't change. I can't even explain why i want a girl like that's validation. I don't lack self esteem, i don't like particularly playing with fire. So, i find it very difficult to explain why I 'fall in love' with girls like this. I assumed that only girls go for the 'bad guy', but i am just as bad in terms of going for the 'bad girl'.
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Bassetts
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I am drawn to the complicated *****y types but at the end of the day, I know I won't ever have a chance with them. Or a chance with any girl in fact. Sure, I lost my virginity, but it hasn't changed much.
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emski
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(Original post by Mr_Vain)
It is not about the looks, at all, they need not be stunning.

I get nice and reasonable girls wanting me to go on dates and commit, and hang on my every word and they literally used to give me 'signals' all of the time in university. It got kind of ridiculous the more times i rejected girls. But, despite their looks, i just could not be bothered to make the effort and opted for one night stands in clubs/the union instead. I won't lie about my background, I spent a whole gap year studying girls and 'picking up' girls. Prior to that, I spent all of sixth form studying women, like real theoretical material, not that Neil Strauss "The Game" fake palm reading bull ****. I spent all of university playing girls around, it was all just a game.

I had some genuinely good hearted girls wanting to know the 'real me' but it just did not stimulate me whatsoever, i did not even want to have sex with them because i wasn't engaged mentally with them. In fact, i would say that these days (and indeed for quite a while now) i don't really get excited by sex with new girls.

But, the problem. I do seem to be going for the mind ****s. And these are the only girls I am really attracted to. Perhaps, it is for the challenge, because i want their validation. These girls seem to be very intelligent, playful in a girly way and challenging. And they never give themselves away too much. I would say they are manipulative with the constant game playing and pre meditated **** tests. I just wish i could be attracted to some simple nice girl, who does not give me such a mental bother but i can't, i have tried and i can't. I mean, it is really quite bad for me, i go for a girl that blatantly plays men around and has the same mentality to relationships as a typical Casanova. But, even though i am really quite ashamed of myself for being like this i can't change. I can't even explain why i want a girl like that's validation. I don't lack self esteem, i don't like particularly playing with fire. So, i find it very difficult to explain why I 'fall in love' with girls like this. I assumed that only girls go for the 'bad guy', but i am just as bad in terms of going for the 'bad girl'.

I have no idea but that is a long explanation.
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Drawbridge_Drew
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Because you have problems with your emotions. You have to look at yourself and start figuring out what's not working. You CAN change, you HAVE to change if you want a good relationship, or these types of women will ruin you. To put it simply: if all the women you attract are crazy, mind-messing and manipulative, then it suggests that you have something not clicking in you. One tends to notice that often the deeply sycophantic 'Nice Guys' find themselves, unintentionally, in the machinations of a fiery, mind-messing, crazy chick with mental health issues. These women are emotionally explosive, verbally abusive, hyper-sexual and often act with downright callousness. They severely damage the hearts of all the men they ensnare.

Why does this happen? Well, it has a lot to do with the inability to express your emotions properly. If you can't be open and comfortably intimate with a woman, then you're going to only attract other emotionally stunted human beings. With the obsequious 'Nice Guy', her hyper emotions and boldness contrast his lack of assertiveness. If you are not able to bond properly with women, or indeed even approach women, then you will severely limit the women you interact with. I'm not saying that all women who approach men are crazy, just that a lot of them are predators looking for another naive chap to string along. Keep in mind these women are breaking the social normalcy, which may simply be a sign great confidence and assertiveness, but it might also be an indicator of narcissism (Just a note: An emotionally sound, but forward, woman isn't likely going to find the lack of passion in a Nice Guy interesting; a narcissistic woman, on the other hand, is likely to stroke his ego and try to tie his self-worth to her)...

If you suppress your emotions deeply enough, then it takes an exceptionally forward woman to stimulate them. Your average, emotionally stable, decent-hearted women is likely to seem boring, not the roller-coaster of passion you're desperate for. You'll find yourself looking for women who over-express themselves, these men find themselves attached to an emotionally melodramatic woman, often thriving of the drama she exudes and forces him into. The mind games, torments, drama and confusion fool him into thinking he is important, interesting, exciting. Such a man's relationships throughout life are bound to be superficial and emotionally vacant. These women are also suffering a state of emotional crisis, and so whilst he works to bring tranquility to their relationship, she goes out of her way to undermine it, sending them into chaos at every opportunity. The sycophantic Nice Guy will sacrifice himself, all he has, his very identity, to rescue these women, only for him to find out she already left him months ago for another victim - she was just stringing him along for the extra validation. This is a HUGE red flag of Borderline Personality Disorder - avoid, avoid, avoid! This is her way of keeping the crisis going, and an obedient man is a boring man, and the drama she craves is simply no longer there.

To put it in basic terms: emotionally open, happy, confident men attract emotionally open, happy, decent-hearted women. Can you free yourself from this? Yes, but it will take a lot of though, effort and honesty. One thing to do is to develop a way to identify manipulative, abusive and using behavior and never allow it to happen to you . Then work on expressing your emotions in a healthy way. Drop all dating games, false pretenses and persona when dealing with women.
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Mr_Vain
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#5
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(Original post by Drawbridge_Drew)
Because you have problems with your emotions. You have to look at yourself and start figuring out what's not working. You CAN change, you HAVE to change if you want a good relationship, or these types of women will ruin you. To put it simply: if all the women you attract are crazy, mind-messing and manipulative, then it suggests that you have something not clicking in you. One tends to notice that often the deeply sycophantic 'Nice Guys' find themselves, unintentionally, in the machinations of a fiery, mind-messing, crazy chick with mental health issues. These women are emotionally explosive, verbally abusive, hyper-sexual and often act with downright callousness. They severely damage the hearts of all the men they ensnare.

Why does this happen? Well, it has a lot to do with the inability to express your emotions properly. If you can't be open and comfortably intimate with a woman, then you're going to only attract other emotionally stunted human beings. With the obsequious 'Nice Guy', her hyper emotions and boldness contrast his lack of assertiveness. If you are not able to bond properly with women, or indeed even approach women, then you will severely limit the women you interact with. I'm not saying that all women who approach men are crazy, just that a lot of them are predators looking for another naive chap to string along. Keep in mind these women are breaking the social normalcy, which may simply be a sign great confidence and assertiveness, but it might also be an indicator of narcissism (Just a note: An emotionally sound, but forward, woman isn't likely going to find the lack of passion in a Nice Guy interesting; a narcissistic woman, on the other hand, is likely to stroke his ego and try to tie his self-worth to her)...

If you suppress your emotions deeply enough, then it takes an exceptionally forward woman to stimulate them. Your average, emotionally stable, decent-hearted women is likely to seem boring, not the roller-coaster of passion you're desperate for. You'll find yourself looking for women who over-express themselves, these men find themselves attached to an emotionally melodramatic woman, often thriving of the drama she exudes and forces him into. The mind games, torments, drama and confusion fool him into thinking he is important, interesting, exciting. Such a man's relationships throughout life are bound to be superficial and emotionally vacant. These women are also suffering a state of emotional crisis, and so whilst he works to bring tranquility to their relationship, she goes out of her way to undermine it, sending them into chaos at every opportunity. The sycophantic Nice Guy will sacrifice himself, all he has, his very identity, to rescue these women, only for him to find out she already left him months ago for another victim - she was just stringing him along for the extra validation. This is a HUGE red flag of Borderline Personality Disorder - avoid, avoid, avoid! This is her way of keeping the crisis going, and an obedient man is a boring man, and the drama she craves is simply no longer there.

To put it in basic terms: emotionally open, happy, confident men attract emotionally open, happy, decent-hearted women. Can you free yourself from this? Yes, but it will take a lot of though, effort and honesty. One thing to do is to develop a way to identify manipulative, abusive and using behavior and never allow it to happen to you . Then work on expressing your emotions in a healthy way. Drop all dating games, false pretenses and persona when dealing with women.

Except, I am not a nice guy with these women, I am just drawn to them for some odd reason. And i play just as many mind games. And find the nice girls totally uninteresting. I attract both types, nice and the bad type, but i am only really intrigued by the bad type, i.e. the type you describe (minus the verbal abuse).
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Drawbridge_Drew
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(Original post by Mr_Vain)
Except, I am not a nice guy with these women, I am just drawn to them for some odd reason. And i play just as many mind games. And find the nice girls totally uninteresting. I attract both types, nice and the bad type, but i am only really intrigued by the bad type, i.e. the type you describe (minus the verbal abuse).
I'm not an expert, I've just read a lot of this material over the last year and a half. The Nice Guy was just a common example of people who fall prey to this behavior.It could be that you still seek the drama, the craziness and the control games and the validation that comes with that, and enjoy the control you have over these women.You sound predatory though, and I'd encourage you to figure this stuff out before you cause deep emotional damage to someone.
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Llamageddon
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They're just too much fun.
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carelessdrifter
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I think you might be confusing bad girl with 'hard to get', and nice girl with 'clingy as hell' that's just my observation, mabye you just like a challenge.
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Liquid Swordsman
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(Original post by Mr_Vain)
I get nice and reasonable girls wanting me to go on dates and commit, and hang on my every word and they literally used to give me 'signals' all of the time in university.
Ahah why does every thread on this website start like this
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carelessdrifter
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(Original post by Drawbridge_Drew)
You sound predatory though
that's going a bit too far...
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Mr_Vain
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(Original post by carelessdrifter)
I think you might be confusing bad girl with 'hard to get', and nice girl with 'clingy as hell' that's just my observation, mabye you just like a challenge.
They're not necessarily hard to get, they're just bad people.
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Drawbridge_Drew
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(Original post by carelessdrifter)
that's going a bit too far...
He's claiming he deliberately plays games with and seeks out emotionally unstable women, what is that, if not predatory behavior?
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Lost Cloud
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But, despite their looks, i just could not be bothered to make the effort and opted for one night stands in clubs/the union instead
How old are you?

Don't take this the wrong way, but, it sounds like you are not looking to settle down into a long-term relationship and are looking for some exciting short-term relationships (or "games") to keep you on your feet. Being in a relationship with a nice person who doesn't pose any challenges is too boring and ordinary, and you probably want to have fun and venture outside your comfort zone before you "settle down". That's my 0.02 cents.
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Mr_Vain
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(Original post by Drawbridge_Drew)
He's claiming he deliberately plays games with and seeks out emotionally unstable women, what is that, if not predatory behavior?
They seem quite stable to me. Confidently so.
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Mr_Vain
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(Original post by Lost Cloud)
How old are you?

Don't take this the wrong way, but, it sounds like you are not looking to settle down into a long-term relationship and are looking for some exciting short-term relationships (or "games") to keep you on your feet. Being in a relationship with a nice person who doesn't pose any challenges is too boring and ordinary, and you probably want to have fun and venture outside your comfort zone before you "settle down". That's my 0.02 cents.
You're right tbh. These girls are a challenge, that is why i am drawn to them. Usually, they have hurt a lot of other men and i guess i like trying to be the one that exerts some control over them. Usually, imo, this works best if you use them for sex where you communicate your 'love' to them whilst you don't give them any emotional validation. But you know what they say, if you play with fire, eventually you will get burnt.
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johnh1983
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Because ya'll are probably mostly still in your late teens or early 20s and want someone "fun". As you get older you generally start looking for something else in a woman.
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username47781
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To be honest I am like this, I always seem to end up going with a bad girl, rather than nice girl.
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