How to split up with my girlfriend who is currently abroad. Advice needed!

just a thought, but are you sure you've fallen out of love with your girlfriend, or is it just that you've never been in a long distance relationship before?

Exactly what the above has said. It has happened to us too, and we've nearly split up, only to realise after meeting up again that it'd have been the worst mistake!

Hi. I really need some advice.

Okay so, background information. My girlfriend and I have been together since we were 15, and we're now 21. We don't argue much at all, and never have, but over the last 18 months or so, my feelings towards her have changed, and she doesn't know. She's currently half way through spending a year abroad in Europe.

I never thought I'd be in this situation. I still love her, naturally, but I see our relationship as friends rather than lovers. As I say, I've felt like this for sometime but I haven't told her as I didn't want her to be upset. She was really worried about going away to Europe, so I was supportive of her and reassured her that everything would be alright. She is happy where she is but she often messages me to say she misses me, and that she loves me, and in truth, I can't honestly reply to say the same. It makes me feel so guilty because she has done absolutely nothing wrong, I've simply fallen out of love with her and I see no future for us.

I'm supposed to be going to see my girlfriend next month for a weekend, and the advice I have been given is to tell her how I feel there and then. The advice came from my mum and another trusted friend, who both noticed before my girlfriend went away that things are not right between us.

I know I need to be honest with her, but I know when I tell her, it will break her heart. I still care about her as a friend, so I don't want her to be any more upset than necessary. In the long term I know that it will be better for both of us, and it's eating away at me more and more each day. I need to tell her as gently as possible.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? And, what would you suggest I do?

I'd say that anything less than splitting up with her face to face totally disrespects the time that you spent together. Please don't do something like this on the phone or via email with someone you've been with for 6 years. You'll just have to tell her how you feel honestly and give her the opportunity to ask questions. Nothing worse than lack of closure.

I'd say that anything less than splitting up with her face to face totally disrespects the time that you spent together. Please don't do something like this on the phone or via email with someone you've been with for 6 years. You'll just have to tell her how you feel honestly and give her the opportunity to ask questions. Nothing worse than lack of closure.

Depends on how much she means to you. It will be expensive to fly out to see her but may mean something long term to her that you made the effort to speak to her face to face about this. You'll probably be glad long term that you did it this way.

I've been in your girlfriend's position. Before I went to Germany our relationship was good in so far as we got on well, could talk to each other and have a laugh, but the spark had gone - at least from his perspective, especially as he was starting to have feelings for a mutual female friend.

He was very distant with me while I was away, and I don't just mean geographically, I could tell he wasn't that bothered about keeping in contact with me.

Just be honest with her ASAP. Trust me, it's like ripping off a plaster.

You definitely need to tell her how you feel, and face to face is the best way. This is something that seems to happen with a lot of relationships, and it is very sad when it does, but there's no point in staying together romantically if you're not in love with her anymore. And seeing as you've felt like this for quite some time, it's doubtful you'd fall back in love with her when she came back and that it's due to the distance. The distance probably hasn't helped to be fair, but it's not the main reason why.

However you do it, it will be difficult for her being so far away from everything, but seriously, tell her in person! My boyfriend's flatmate broke up with his girlfriend at the start of her year abroad in September, but he didn't handle that particularly well - he chose to ignore her phone calls, texts and messages until he'd made up his mind to end the relationship (which he did over the phone) and then after he'd done it he wasn't willing to talk things through with her. Like you, he just didn't feel the same way anymore, but as he hadn't seen her in a while and things had been perfectly fine last time they'd seen each other it was a massive shock for her.

If you're not in love with her, and you seem pretty sure that you aren't, she needs to know soon or she'll be even more hurt when she finds out how long you've been feeling like that. Make sure you do tell her you still care about her as a friend, but don't be surprised if she wants to cut you out of her life for a bit so she can get over you - she'll probably need to do that before she can accept being just friends with you. You had the best of intentions when you told her that everything would be alright, but you know deep down that your relationship has run its course (especially as you said you were relieved when she went away) and she really needs to know exactly how you feel.