I'm being abused and I don't know what to do Watch

MrsSheldonCooper
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Hi guys, I mentioned in a previous post about my mother emotionally abusing me:
'Hi guys, I'm sixteen and my parents are divorced. Ever since my dad left, my mum has been very controlling. She demands me to hand in my phone every night and goes through every single of my texts and contacts. Then she has a fit if one of the contacts happen to be a guy mate. When I went to the sixth form evening at school with her, she kept on saying that she could never imagine me doing further maths and physics because they were for 'clever' people. I don't know what she meant because I got an opportunity to represent the UK internationally for Maths and I got A stars in Physics when I was fourteen. Anyway, she also tries following me around secretly and she actually called my guy mate to tell him that I had 'no time' for him and his mum to say I was a 'selfish liar' so I don't know how to face him because we've been so close for so long. As a result to all this, I've been really depressed and was recently taken to hospital because I had a severe panic attack. It was all because of her that it happened. She has all my emails on her phone and she tells me that I'll be living with her for uni though I really don't want or I'll kill myself. She's openly favouring my brother over me and she openly says that he looks like an angel. I can't take this anymore and I really don't want to live anymore. What should I do? HELP! XX'

It's been a few months since I posted this and my mother has gone worse. She's been telling me crap about my dad and I've decided to just give up. She's going to Birmingham soon and I've decided that I've had enough. I want to enjoy the rest of my life and she's given me hell for so long. I don't what or how to start the ball rolling though and I don't want her to know anything. What do I do?x
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tígertíger
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First things first, it might be an idea to get in touch with social services, citizen's advice, childline, or just a teacher that you trust. You can leave home at 16 without your mother's consent if you wanted to, but you'll need help from the council first unless you have other relatives that you can live with. I think at this point you just need to talk to someone about it, not just to find out what your options are but also for some much needed support.
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llys
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Can you live with your dad or grandparents ?

Otherwise, maybe taking charge / fighting back (even in subtle ways) would help you feel better. To start with I would get a second phone for private calls (prepaid), another email address for your best friends, and just keep the old phone and email for her to check every now and then. Also, ignore her as much as possible. Don't talk to her unless she is being polite, then be polite back. Never shout or cry, just say nothing - much more effective.
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IShootLikeAGirl
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I had similar problems to you with my dad after my brother had an accident that left him handicapped (my parents are still together though) and I have pretty much resolved it for the best part. Of course our parents may react in different ways to what I did but I distanced myself as much as possible and I was cold, like icy cold. I had had enough and I was depressed and I hated my dad for it. He had always put me down and I had such low self-esteem that I always blamed myself for everything but it hit a point when I realised that I didn't deserve it. After a good couple of weeks of the cold treatment we got into an argument and I basically told him that he didn't love me and I wanted to move out and when I left home to not expect me to hang around. After this i think he had a bit of a reality check as in his head he was trying to protect me but he realised that he did actually love me and we're getting along better now with him loosening controls. Obviously, this may not have the same affect on your mum but you know her best and how she would react to it. Good luck and if you have any more questions (as our situations are very similar) then feel free
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the mezzil
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Talk to child line or the NSPCC

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/
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beckaroo7
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How old are you? I think I remember reading once that you were doing GCSEs? Get in touch with social services. I researched this route myself when I was 14/15 but never followed through with it in the end. I know someone who moved out at 16 and was basically living in a block of flats with other 16(ish) year olds who had to move out under similar circumstances to do with things going on at home. I think he stayed there until he was 19 or so. He did this through social services as he'd been on the records for years. Maybe speak to someone at your school about it too, they'll have dealt with all sorts of things. My deputy head told me that someone else in the school had gone through social services to move out. She didn't tell me who it was for their privacy I assume, so if you want to keep it private you probably can depending on the person.

Like another poster suggested, childline can help and give advice with this sort of thing too, maybe they'd be worth a ring. If you're serious about doing this you should ring as many people up as you can, and get as much information as you can. Just so it's all on record when it does come to arranging to move out while they're looking up your circumstance. You'll be given more priority I think.

Is there any other family you can possibly live with long term? Does your family know what's going on at home? From my own experience my family preferred to brush things under the carpet and downplay a lot of what was happening, then play dumb months later. Is this the same with you?
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MrsSheldonCooper
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(Original post by beckaroo7)
How old are you? I think I remember reading once that you were doing GCSEs? Get in touch with social services. I researched this route myself when I was 14/15 but never followed through with it in the end. I know someone who moved out at 16 and was basically living in a block of flats with other 16(ish) year olds who had to move out under similar circumstances to do with things going on at home. I think he stayed there until he was 19 or so. He did this through social services as he'd been on the records for years. Maybe speak to someone at your school about it too, they'll have dealt with all sorts of things. My deputy head told me that someone else in the school had gone through social services to move out. She didn't tell me who it was for their privacy I assume, so if you want to keep it private you probably can depending on the person.

Like another poster suggested, childline can help and give advice with this sort of thing too, maybe they'd be worth a ring. If you're serious about doing this you should ring as many people up as you can, and get as much information as you can. Just so it's all on record when it does come to arranging to move out while they're looking up your circumstance. You'll be given more priority I think.

Is there any other family you can possibly live with long term? Does your family know what's going on at home? From my own experience my family preferred to brush things under the carpet and downplay a lot of what was happening, then play dumb months later. Is this the same with you?
Isnt that going to stop me from going to uni?
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beckaroo7
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(Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
Isnt that going to stop me from going to uni?
I'm not sure. If you apply for student finance so you're classed as an adult or independent student you should get the full £7000 (ish) loan and grants. Also, depending on your uni, you may be able to get a bursary. At my uni the max is £1400 a year based on your parents income and area you live. If you inform them of your circumstances it's possible they will give you the full 1400 anyway. Also if you do really well at A-level you may also get a scholarship. The maximum at my uni is £2000. £1000 for a-level, £1000 more for getting a 2:1 in your first year. Not including a scholarship you could get about £8400 for the year.

halls will be just under £5000 for the year, inc bills, not inc food, and you'll be able to rent somewhere over the summer. My rent over summer cost £850 not inc food or bills(I didn't live at uni over summer). Based on that you'll easily be able to afford uni, provided you get the full loan. Though to be able to afford the rent over summer you'll probably need an over draft. From then my rent costs £850 per quarter so is much cheaper than halls (3500 per year as opposed to 4800, though utilities will be extra), so if you take money from your overdraft to cover bills you'll get it back by the next student finance installation.

You'll have to do your own research on how student finance will work if you don't live with your parents, my guess is you'll get the full loan, as if your parents weren't working. You should talk to someone at school or something and maybe even get in touch with student finance about how that would work though.

The person I know that moved out around 16 didn't go to uni, but it was unlikely he was ever going to go in the first place.


So after going off on a tangent, it shouldn't stop you from getting into uni, but you should get in touch with someone official if you're worried
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