I need feed back on my creative writing task... GSCEWatch
So why am I going to place where eternal suffering is theonly source and truth? God must be repaying me for the dirty sins I rendered onEarth and dare I repent, what difference does it make. This is my destiny andfate, we all have one, mine just happened to end here.
I’m getting further away from where I belong, my world, mylife. Like a thief the clouds slowly steals away the light stopping any ray ofsunlight. The grey clouds roll over the hill bringing darkness from above. Mywalls are tumbling down. The windows of my eyes are broken by the thick ash andswirling smoke, orange flames begin licking my skin, dancing just on thesurface. No human emerged. The air was a blast of heat hitting me full in theface; I could feel my eyebrows searing, and I could smell the scent of burninghair. The fire flicked at me like a snake, smiling at me; a warm welcome me tohell.
I felt the muscles of my heart tighten with incredibleforce, sending gushes of blood down my veins in a single movement. Although Iwas weak my breath quickened and I used every muscle in my body to stifle awhimper. My heart was pounding in my chest, my body shaking and my terrorfilled eyes were wide and stood out against my pale skin. There was a bittertaste in the back of my mouth that I couldn't seem to get rid of and my breathwas coming out in ragged gasps. I didn't know what to do and I could barelythink over the rising tide of cold fear. I could tell the devil wasapproaching.
People fear death even more than pain. It's strange thatthey fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death…or so they say. At the point of death, the pain is over... orso they say. They say you can’t breathe after death but how comes every breathis like a bullet to the lungs, like a wave of shrapnel forcibly encrusting inthe heart. The ashes are burning every cell in my body; it’s running around inmy torn veins and what little blood I have left. I am sorry god, please forgiveme, I am desperately repenting for my mistakes. I do not want to carry on withthis inhumane journey and become at one with the devil.
This is the end and truly a journey to hell…
Also, maybe think about the use of abstractions/oxymorons like Milton did, like describing hell as a place with "darkness visible".
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