Why are there so many blatant, unrepentant ageists on TSR?
There is a body of opinion on TSR that I can only describe as "accepted ageism". It seems that mature students are ok if they perform their stated function, i.e. being unwilling group partners who work hard and do all the donkey work, and carry seminars when everyone else is hungover. But they must disappear into the ether between lectures and must stick to their own societies like Jazz appreciation and Chess, and under no circumstances ever, ever mingle with any other undergraduates - otherwise they are automatically sexual predators to be labelled "creepy" or "weird" with nothing to support it.
We have a thread at the moment with a member advising another to try to have an older person thrown out of halls for being older (and by implication "creepy").
There are numerous threads here discussing older people going out with younger ones, and there are a great many posts along the lines of "older people interested in younger people = pervert"
Can someone tell me what the problem they have is with:
a) a 40 year old male undergraduate voluntarily living in halls.
b) a 40 year old undergraduate going out to a regular night out at the union.
c) a 40 year old undergraduate looking to score with (perfectly willing) students in the 18-24 age range?
We have a thread at the moment with a member advising another to try to have an older person thrown out of halls for being older (and by implication "creepy").
There are numerous threads here discussing older people going out with younger ones, and there are a great many posts along the lines of "older people interested in younger people = pervert"
Can someone tell me what the problem they have is with:
a) a 40 year old male undergraduate voluntarily living in halls.
b) a 40 year old undergraduate going out to a regular night out at the union.
c) a 40 year old undergraduate looking to score with (perfectly willing) students in the 18-24 age range?
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I haven't seen the other thread, but that would seem a little out of order. But students are going to be immature, they are still growing up.
a) I wouldn't really care, but I didn't want to live in halls in my final year let alone later. Once you have a group of friends and are established the need for halls diminishes.
b)Kind of related to the above, its a different social group and age group. I don't hang around with my sisters friends they aren't at the same stage of social development as me. I have friends my own age I have far more in common with and make better company. If I could go out with people my own age or different, I'd pick my own.
c)Most 40 year olds guys would like to, but most are either looking for girls in a more normal age range 28-40 for a relationship, or are in relationships. I guess it linked to them seeming like they don't really belong in the social group.
I guess its a judgement on motivations. The social side of uni is supposed to be about gaining life experience and meeting new people. The view of the mature student is one who already has life experience and is looking for purely further education. Perhaps they also want to meet new people, but you'd expect them to have less common ground with someone 2 decades younger. I guess there is a perception of someone trying to relive their youth, so they take on the kind of awkward dad like figure.
We had a few mature students, but they did tend to stick to the stereotype of only appearing at lectures, working hard and the only social interaction being course related discussions.
a) I wouldn't really care, but I didn't want to live in halls in my final year let alone later. Once you have a group of friends and are established the need for halls diminishes.
b)Kind of related to the above, its a different social group and age group. I don't hang around with my sisters friends they aren't at the same stage of social development as me. I have friends my own age I have far more in common with and make better company. If I could go out with people my own age or different, I'd pick my own.
c)Most 40 year olds guys would like to, but most are either looking for girls in a more normal age range 28-40 for a relationship, or are in relationships. I guess it linked to them seeming like they don't really belong in the social group.
I guess its a judgement on motivations. The social side of uni is supposed to be about gaining life experience and meeting new people. The view of the mature student is one who already has life experience and is looking for purely further education. Perhaps they also want to meet new people, but you'd expect them to have less common ground with someone 2 decades younger. I guess there is a perception of someone trying to relive their youth, so they take on the kind of awkward dad like figure.
We had a few mature students, but they did tend to stick to the stereotype of only appearing at lectures, working hard and the only social interaction being course related discussions.
Original post by Fizzel
I haven't seen the other thread, but that would seem a little out of order. But students are going to be immature, they are still growing up.
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2566199
I guess there is a perception of someone trying to relive their youth, so they take on the kind of awkward dad like figure.
We had a few mature students, but they did tend to stick to the stereotype of only appearing at lectures, working hard and the only social interaction being course related discussions.
We had a few mature students, but they did tend to stick to the stereotype of only appearing at lectures, working hard and the only social interaction being course related discussions.
Let's say someone is trying to relive their youth, and that they're an awkward dad figure - what's really wrong with that? There are scores of threads on TSR of people self-proclaiming themselves to be far far worse. Look how many people here claim to be awkward or introverted or weird.
Consider the following:
20 year old white girl at university
40 year old white male on same course
20 year old black male
Both the males ask the girl out on a date. She isn't into either of them, and she turns them both down. Nothing wrong there.
However, if she complains to her friends about the black guy - "how could he possibly think about asking me out? I mean, he's black, that's so creepy" - then it's quite possible her friends will tell her that is very uncool, and that she is a racist.
On the other hand, with the 40 year old "how could he possibly think about asking me out? I mean, he's like my dad's age. That's so creepy" - is very unlikely to provoke the same response.
Original post by Clip
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2566199
However, if she complains to her friends about the black guy - "how could he possibly think about asking me out? I mean, he's black, that's so creepy" - then it's quite possible her friends will tell her that is very uncool, and that she is a racist.
On the other hand, with the 40 year old "how could he possibly think about asking me out? I mean, he's like my dad's age. That's so creepy" - is very unlikely to provoke the same response.
However, if she complains to her friends about the black guy - "how could he possibly think about asking me out? I mean, he's black, that's so creepy" - then it's quite possible her friends will tell her that is very uncool, and that she is a racist.
On the other hand, with the 40 year old "how could he possibly think about asking me out? I mean, he's like my dad's age. That's so creepy" - is very unlikely to provoke the same response.
Ow yes ps i was born in 1970 and i have girls of 23 that i date...
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by edwinemanuelposse
I dont know if the two things you compare are legit arguments...
Ow yes ps i was born in 1970
Ow yes ps i was born in 1970
Why not? Criticizing someone for their race and criticizing them for their age are not comparable?
Original post by Clip
Why not? Criticizing someone for their race and criticizing them for their age are not comparable?
Original post by Clip
Why not? Criticizing someone for their race and criticizing them for their age are not comparable?
well, on the the one hand a black person can also be a rasist, and secondly a girl of 23 can truely fall in love ith a a dud of 38 !
Completely agree Clip. Ageism seems to have slipped under the radar with regards to equality. I'm 18, yet when I'm at work on my breaks I sit with 30/40 year olds & we have a good laugh. Surprisingly, they have hobbies & interests too.
Agree with OP, ageism is BS and I'm just 21.
I get on well with a few mature students and wouldn't trade them for the world but I can't help but feel I have less common ground with them than my own generation. I'm sure a fair whack of ones I know wouldn't really want to talk about my steam library.
Don't have the time to write everything I want to, so I'll try to keep this as succinct as possible.
The simplest explanation I can think to reason this is that it's not often heard of to have someone as old as 40 do that. Because it's so rare to see a successful relationship between an old dude and someone around half his age, it's difficult for your average person to accept. The funny thing is it's not just TSR this happens in -- it's an issue which is prevalent amongst so many groups/societies/cultures consisting of people of all ages. You're only seeing so many in the younger generations prejudiced against it here because this is "The Student Room", and it is the internet where anyone can say anything they like and get away with it. I would pay to see everyone who objected against it on here to object against it irl in front of older guys interested in younger women or even younger women interested in older guys.
I haven't seen this thread you're speaking of but judging by what I have read from your OP so far, I think this guy probably doesn't deserve the **** he's receiving but I do think he should have thought twice when he decided to live in the halls because the vast majority ofstudents people are ignoramuses whose view of society is limited to their own fears and perceptions. For no good reason people just don't like those who deviate from the norm; it makes them feel things they can't explain. Personally I think this feeling is usually fear because all of a sudden they're open to new possibilities which they weren't aware were at all feasible. It's like explaining existentialism to an uneducated/ignorant Muslim (or person of a similar religion) -- you just won't get through to them until they're ready to change their own views because they're scared of deviating from their norm, i.e. their current beliefs. (Before any Muslims virtually slap me, I should mention I used to be Muslim and did fail the attempt attempt to explain it to quite a few Muslims which is why I'm using it as an example!)
There is the other explanation that there is some truth in older guys being a bit creepy. I don't know how to approach this particular part sensitively because I experience it a lot. A couple of my past experiences have shown me that once guys reach a particular age or stage in life, their self-esteem hits an all time low and so they need the attention of a younger woman to thrive and to feel on top of the world again. Of course, most people won't see it this way.
Okay, so it wasn't as succinct as planned.
If some of it sounds a bit harsh or badly written then forgive me! I've got an exam in 12 hours so I'm not thinking straight. Also, this isn't all that I wanted to address -- there's so much I'm missing. 
All in all, it's not just students that hold these prejudices. It's been such a taboo subject in society for quite a while and I think it's quite unlikely that people will easily get over it.
The simplest explanation I can think to reason this is that it's not often heard of to have someone as old as 40 do that. Because it's so rare to see a successful relationship between an old dude and someone around half his age, it's difficult for your average person to accept. The funny thing is it's not just TSR this happens in -- it's an issue which is prevalent amongst so many groups/societies/cultures consisting of people of all ages. You're only seeing so many in the younger generations prejudiced against it here because this is "The Student Room", and it is the internet where anyone can say anything they like and get away with it. I would pay to see everyone who objected against it on here to object against it irl in front of older guys interested in younger women or even younger women interested in older guys.
I haven't seen this thread you're speaking of but judging by what I have read from your OP so far, I think this guy probably doesn't deserve the **** he's receiving but I do think he should have thought twice when he decided to live in the halls because the vast majority of
There is the other explanation that there is some truth in older guys being a bit creepy. I don't know how to approach this particular part sensitively because I experience it a lot. A couple of my past experiences have shown me that once guys reach a particular age or stage in life, their self-esteem hits an all time low and so they need the attention of a younger woman to thrive and to feel on top of the world again. Of course, most people won't see it this way.
Okay, so it wasn't as succinct as planned.
If some of it sounds a bit harsh or badly written then forgive me! I've got an exam in 12 hours so I'm not thinking straight. Also, this isn't all that I wanted to address -- there's so much I'm missing. All in all, it's not just students that hold these prejudices. It's been such a taboo subject in society for quite a while and I think it's quite unlikely that people will easily get over it.
Original post by Vixen47
Don't have the time to write everything I want to, so I'll try to keep this as succinct as possible and write 1300 words !.
.
.
I dont kno why but often young girls like me and then i like them right back...
Original post by edwinemanuelposse
thank u !
521 words actually.
Essentially we are not as old as our year age, we are as old as our life stage. And education accentuates this whereas when you get into work you mix with all ages.
You may think this life stage bull**** means mature students should be embraced by the youngsters - but no because the students have come straight from school, the matures have been working for like 20 years and have a totally different worldview.
You may think this life stage bull**** means mature students should be embraced by the youngsters - but no because the students have come straight from school, the matures have been working for like 20 years and have a totally different worldview.
Completely agree OP. I do find it ridiculous that no older couple can socialise with younger undergraduates, which are obviously the majority, without being labelled as creeps or weirdos.
(edited 10 years ago)
I preferred it when mature students got involved in uni life, we had a couple swim for us, after all they're full time students too and it's likely they're only shot at uni.
What annoyed me was the ones who were really patronising about how you were ****ing your life way if you went out or used to act high handed in tutorials with 'You're still young...' or 'I know you won't really understan this yet...' type comments when they were the ones who'd either misinterpreted or not done the reading.
What annoyed me was the ones who were really patronising about how you were ****ing your life way if you went out or used to act high handed in tutorials with 'You're still young...' or 'I know you won't really understan this yet...' type comments when they were the ones who'd either misinterpreted or not done the reading.
Because the idea of dating someone the same age as my dad feels weird. It'd be like dating my dad...
Unless you're extremely immature and have the same interests as people my age, I'd rather not.
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Unless you're extremely immature and have the same interests as people my age, I'd rather not.
Posted from TSR Mobile
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