The Student Room Group

I just dont know what to do :(

So theres this guy that Ive liked a lot for ages and ages, and about 5 months ago it went wonkey adn ended up with us both ignoring each other for 3 months. I never really stopped liking him, but I tried to pretend to. And last night at a party, it all came out. Slight problem - he has a girlfriend. And he loves us both. He doesn't want to hurt either of us, but whatever happens one or all of us is gonna get hurt. Hes as confused as hell, Im as confused as hell, and the girlfriend doesnt know. We spent about 2 hours last night just talking about it and got nowhere...

So really I want to know what you would do in my position? And what do you think I should do? Im just soo confused :frown:

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Reply 1
He loves you both? Oh c'mon. :rolleyes:

Either he leaves his girlfriend to be with you or he doesn't. No point pining and waiting for him. I would step well back and let him sort it out himself. You don't want to be known as a girl who breaks up relationships and if you're around it'll make the decision drawn out.
Reply 2
wow thats exactly the same as my positon. At a party it all came out... only difference is I am the guy and my girlfriend does know :frown: and Im still confused as hell. and its about 2 weeks after that party now :s-smilie:

So I cant really help, but I can say the best thing to do from my point of view was that my friend basically said she wasnt going to intefere, she would back me and be happy with whatever I choose. She basically she said she would act just like she did before and let me sort it in my own time etc. As I knew what she wanted... It did mean a lot to me when she said that... So i think that would be your best choice.
Reply 3
Are you sure you two don't know each other? :wink:
I've been in a similar sort of situation... it turned out the guy just wanted to use me for sex and be in a relationship with his other person, basically. And he loved the attention of 2 people.

I'd say he's saying he loves you both because he wants to be able to have both of you. Don't let that happen. If anything, I would leave him alone completely until he's less "confused", and knows what he wants. Don't just let him be with her and have you there whenever he decides he wants you.

That's probably confusing and hasn't really helped, but basically, it would be for the best to just back off at least for now I think. I know that's what I wish I had've done.
Reply 5
haha thats what I thought, but unless she has messed around with the story its not... I never had a "wonkey" bit for starters... :P

ohh and I do love both of them just in different ways. I love my friend as a very good friend. In that way she means a lot to me. I love my girlfriend in the "true" sense of the word. I have had so much with her. My problem is that recently she has been very stressy and all of it is getting to me :frown:. I am just waiting to see how that goes really, if it gets better than i am staying. If not... well time will tell

[EDIT: My comments were to BlackHawk's not Anon#2]
just wondering Seeks, but why do you love one girl as a friend and the other in the "true" sense? What would you say makes it different? or is it something you can't really explain?
Reply 7
In my opinion it is impossible to truely love two people equally as romantic partners. From the sounds of it it sounds like a typical teenage romance and he may be getting feelings of love confused with a deep emotional connection.

Seeks, if you love your girlfriend then you'll stick by her and come out the other side. :smile:
Reply 8
Seeks
wow thats exactly the same as my positon. At a party it all came out... only difference is I am the guy and my girlfriend does know :frown: and Im still confused as hell. and its about 2 weeks after that party now :s-smilie:

So I cant really help, but I can say the best thing to do from my point of view was that my friend basically said she wasnt going to intefere, she would back me and be happy with whatever I choose. She basically she said she would act just like she did before and let me sort it in my own time etc. As I knew what she wanted... It did mean a lot to me when she said that... So i think that would be your best choice.

I've said to him that Ill be happy for him, whatever he does, and that Ill stand by his decision and that I want him to be happy. But he replied htat he couldn't possibly be happy if this was happening. I also discovered last night that hes self-harmed over xmas.
In a way hes my weak spot, I just cant say no. Sounds stupid, but I just cant say no. I think 'No I cant do this' but a yes always comes out :rolleyes: he hasn't taken advantage of it, which I am very thankful about. Wish my weak spot was something like chocolate....:rolleyes:
Reply 9
haha good question. Its a bit confusing but in the end my friend is only a friend, thats all she has ever been. I fancy her but IMO you cant truly love someone until you have been going out for a while... While on the other hand i "love" my girlfriend. I mean do I love her? I dont know but I think I do. I am still young if what all the "old" people say, saying you cant love someone at such a young age (18???) then maybe its not love. But I do think its love. My only problem is do I love her at the moment or the past her because to be honest she has been very bitchy and broken my trust a few times... (there is a thread about it somewhere)

So I am very confused... But in the end I am staying with my girlfriend as long as things improve. That really wasnt the question involved... I just want to make both people happy as my friend does mean a lot to me.

(anyone lunch now so bare with me if im slow replying)
lsat thing before lunch :biggrin:

I am sticking by my girl :wink: as I said
Reply 11
oops wasnt meant to be anon :s was meant to quote you blackhawk
Reply 12
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Reply 13
lauradm
That's EXACTLY how I was lol. My advice would DEFINITELY be to back off if he's saying he's "confused". That's what this other guy was saying to me, it just lead to lots of me getting used, him lying and saying things he later said he didn't really mean. At least he hasn't taken advantage (yet) though...

Seeks, I just wanted to know because this guy used to say he loved me "as a friend" but we used to sleep together a lot and things too (I wasn't actually being used then though because we both wanted it)... just when I got depressed about it all I began to think it meant that this other girl he "truly" loved was better than me and more attractive and that I just wasn't good enough and all the rest so I was curious... :redface:

broke my anonymousness oops :redface: lol oh well I was the anonymous user #2 btw

well theres only one week left of school then hes going on holiday for a month, so I wont be near him much - except for the fact that hes in my tutor and a few of my classes...I just hope he never does use me, take advantage of me or anything, that really would make me feel like a right idiot...:rolleyes:
Reply 14
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Reply 15
lauradm
That's EXACTLY how I was lol. My advice would DEFINITELY be to back off if he's saying he's "confused". That's what this other guy was saying to me, it just lead to lots of me getting used, him lying and saying things he later said he didn't really mean. At least he hasn't taken advantage (yet) though...

Seeks, I just wanted to know because this guy used to say he loved me "as a friend" but we used to sleep together a lot and things too (I wasn't actually being used then though because we both wanted it)... just when I got depressed about it all I began to think it meant that this other girl he "truly" loved was better than me and more attractive and that I just wasn't good enough and all the rest so I was curious... :redface:

broke my anonymousness oops :redface: lol oh well I was the anonymous user #2 btw

I certainly havnt slept with or done anything with my friend. We are still just friends. We have a few akward moments but I will never cheat on my girlfriend. IMO i am still with my girlfriend and hence I cant do anything with my friend, simply because its totally against my morals to cheat. It really gets to me when people cheat... i dont want to be one of them :frown:
Reply 16
lauradm
I'm not sure if you're implying I was an idiot at the times he did use me, if so, I know that, I was just really into him and took it :redface: just make sure he doesn't take advantage anyway, or you'll regret it so much afterwards

No! I wasn't implying that youre an idiot. You weren't being used really as you said - you both wanted it. Or at least thats how I view it.

Its just how I would feel if he used me, I can easily call myself an idiot becuase its true, but I could never call anyone else and idiot - especially if I didnt have the full story.
Reply 17
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Reply 18
lauradm
It's ok. We both wanted the sex sometimes, but there were actually times I think I was just used for it earlier on and used for attention and other things... I'm quite aware I've acted like an idiot through it all anyway. meh :indiff:

:hugs:

Somehow I feel like this thread has opened a little can of worms, and things that might be best forgotten :s:
Reply 19
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