What does he want?

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Lord_Voldy
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#1
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We dated for 6 months and then he broke up with me without a proper reason, he said "It doesn't feel right" Obviously I was crying and he was trying to comfort me. The thing is we were perfect, there was nothing wrong with us, he never showed any signs of being unhappy. Even the night before he broke up with me he was telling me how much he loved me and how he can't wait to go out on our 6 month anniversary.
So after he dumps me he sends me texts everyday telling me he still loves me and I told him it wasn't working for me to stay in contact and I needed a break because it hurts whenever he says those things. So we took a break from contacting each other and he asked to meet up and he kissed me, I assumed we were back together but apparently not and "It was a mistake" because "It just felt natural to kiss me" :s So this happened a few more times during a period of 3 months. I finally said that I don't want this because I'm constantly getting my hopes up then being let down so I stopped talking to him.
I started getting close to another guy and we started liking each other but then my ex comes back and asks to get back together (after 5 months of breaking up with me) and I say no, so he starts crying and begging and keeps persisting for a whole month. I still had feeling for him so I said let's work on it. So we did, and whenever we were together we'd end up making out and things would get very intimate. We'd go out quite a lot and text each other like usual and tell each other 'I love you', because I genuinely did.
Then two days after we got quite intimate at his house, he texts me and tells me "I have no energy for a relationship" which to me translates to you're not worth the effort. He hasn't spoken to me since and ignores me around college.
I am so hurt, I cry randomly during the day, I cry myself to sleep at night, I just want to be me again. I'm so confused by him, why did he do all of that just to leave me again? It's been a month and bit since he left me again. What did I do wrong?
I'm sorry it's so long, thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read it and reply, I really appreciate it.
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Samantha303
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He was being immature and was playing game, end of story.
I did the same things to guys as well. For me reasons being:
I didnt love them that much from the beginning but sort of got used to them. When I realised this isnt right (what your bf said), i broke up with them. And then i found out I couldnt get over them cause there was a certain amount of time we spent together and i felt that we bonded with each other in a certain way. That happened to me and my ex with whom i spent 3 years together. I got over him within 2 weeks after countless breakingups before. I usually said i love you to him becos he made me to (by asking me whether i love you) and he said that to me all the time so i was like what the hell, i love you too.
I was 18 and he was 20 back then (when we broke up) so yeah, young love.
Similar story with my another ex but we only dated for 4 months. And yes i was being immature and needed someone to be with. Now I've been single for almost 2 years. Those are not healthy relationship to be in for both parties.
Your bf might have diff thoughts tho.
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Orthonym
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Don't blame yourself. The guy was doing all this because of what he perceived he needs and wants, it's not about you. This often happens in young love as people are learning about what it is to be a partner. He didn't have enough consideration for you to make it last, he is immature. In a healthy relationship both partners focus more on the other person and less on themselves (compared to him). You were ready for a relationship like that, but he isn't.

Later he might even feel like he likes you again and try to get you back again, or kiss you. He's not sure what he wants but he's focusing on what he wants at the time and paying little regard to how he's affecting you emotionally. Someone mature who really cares for you won't treat you like that. If it's possible, break contact completely with him and give yourself time to get over him. Time really does heal, try to keep yourself busy and slowly he will leave your mind. Chin up, best wishes
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Minion125
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Such great advice as above, can't really add much to that other than.

-Go with instinct
-Do not get treated like a doormat
-Sometimes (in 99.9% of cases) it's just best to cut off all ties with an ex - completely, as in forever.
-Don't let someone else play you for a fool again.
-Know you are worth way more than that and deserve someone decent and genuine.
-Don't let feelings get in the way of what is best for you and your future.

To answer your question, you did nothing wrong, stop beating yourself up about it. Females tend to blame their partners behaviour on themselves and get into an emotional wreck over the smallest things.
In the future, it's easier to step back from the situation and assess it, because if you read what you have just written carefully it is obvious that:
you either felt more strongly for him than he did for you.
you were so emotional that every time he treated you like a yo-yo you kept bouncing back
you need to regain your confidence and pride. This other guy could have been good for you but you ruined it by running back to the idiot who messed with your heart so many times before. He used you and now he's left you hanging, he genuinely doesn't care.

Also please, for your sake and others don't try and get a rebound relationship. If you are still hurting take time to work on yourself before you even go looking for someone else. The saying 'how can someone else love you if you don't love yourself?' is so on point.

Short version: You did nothing, now move on and never contact him again

All the best
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FlavaFavourFruit
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Simple answer is that he doesn't know what he wants....he's indecisive.

Anyways you've learnt your lesson now. It'll get better.
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Lord_Voldy
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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(Original post by Orthonym)
Don't blame yourself. The guy was doing all this because of what he perceived he needs and wants, it's not about you. This often happens in young love as people are learning about what it is to be a partner. He didn't have enough consideration for you to make it last, he is immature. In a healthy relationship both partners focus more on the other person and less on themselves (compared to him). You were ready for a relationship like that, but he isn't.

Later he might even feel like he likes you again and try to get you back again, or kiss you. He's not sure what he wants but he's focusing on what he wants at the time and paying little regard to how he's affecting you emotionally. Someone mature who really cares for you won't treat you like that. If it's possible, break contact completely with him and give yourself time to get over him. Time really does heal, try to keep yourself busy and slowly he will leave your mind. Chin up, best wishes
Thank you so much for replying (: I understand what you're saying and completely agree with you. After reading your post I've realised that I've been handling this situation completely wrong. I guess I can break contact with him completely..I haven't texted or called him in a month now since he last left me and the only times I see him are around college. And if and I see him I smile to not be rude. His friends talk to me but he just stands there and looks away from me..doesn't even say hi until i do :/
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Lord_Voldy
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(Original post by Minion125)
Such great advice as above, can't really add much to that other than.

-Go with instinct
-Do not get treated like a doormat
-Sometimes (in 99.9% of cases) it's just best to cut off all ties with an ex - completely, as in forever.
-Don't let someone else play you for a fool again.
-Know you are worth way more than that and deserve someone decent and genuine.
-Don't let feelings get in the way of what is best for you and your future.

To answer your question, you did nothing wrong, stop beating yourself up about it. Females tend to blame their partners behaviour on themselves and get into an emotional wreck over the smallest things.
In the future, it's easier to step back from the situation and assess it, because if you read what you have just written carefully it is obvious that:
you either felt more strongly for him than he did for you.
you were so emotional that every time he treated you like a yo-yo you kept bouncing back
you need to regain your confidence and pride. This other guy could have been good for you but you ruined it by running back to the idiot who messed with your heart so many times before. He used you and now he's left you hanging, he genuinely doesn't care.

Also please, for your sake and others don't try and get a rebound relationship. If you are still hurting take time to work on yourself before you even go looking for someone else. The saying 'how can someone else love you if you don't love yourself?' is so on point.

Short version: You did nothing, now move on and never contact him again

All the best
Hey thank you so much for replying (: Your post really made me feel so much better! I guess he really doesn't care anymore as you said..I just need to move on really. Oh God no! I will not be getting into a rebound relationship ..as lonely as I feel, I won't want to hurt anyone else because of my silly mistakes. That saying is 100% true and I completely agree. Thank again (:
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Orthonym
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(Original post by Lord_Voldy)
Thank you so much for replying (: I understand what you're saying and completely agree with you. After reading your post I've realised that I've been handling this situation completely wrong. I guess I can break contact with him completely..I haven't texted or called him in a month now since he last left me and the only times I see him are around college. And if and I see him I smile to not be rude. His friends talk to me but he just stands there and looks away from me..doesn't even say hi until i do :/
Since you can't avoid him 100%, the smiling to be polite is good, it shows you are mature and willing to be civil with your ex, but he is just being awkward! Don't let his presence stop you from chatting to those people. I can't imagine how he might be feeling, maybe a bit guilty if he is acting like that. If I were in your position I'd just stop saying hi and then there'd hopefully be a mutual understanding that neither of you want to start conversations.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Lord_Voldy)
Hey thank you so much for replying (: Your post really made me feel so much better! I guess he really doesn't care anymore as you said..I just need to move on really. Oh God no! I will not be getting into a rebound relationship ..as lonely as I feel, I won't want to hurt anyone else because of my silly mistakes. That saying is 100% true and I completely agree. Thank again (:

Love hurts but you'll find that it's actually worth it, even the pain and the heartache and all the experiences.

The guy sounds like a **** but I admire the fact that you stuck with it and gave it a chance because you wanted to follow your heart, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

You learned a lot from this experience I'm sure, don't let it change you, you sound like a great person!
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Lord_Voldy
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(Original post by Orthonym)
Since you can't avoid him 100%, the smiling to be polite is good, it shows you are mature and willing to be civil with your ex, but he is just being awkward! Don't let his presence stop you from chatting to those people. I can't imagine how he might be feeling, maybe a bit guilty if he is acting like that. If I were in your position I'd just stop saying hi and then there'd hopefully be a mutual understanding that neither of you want to start conversations.
He is definitely being the awkward one! I hope he feels guilty, he has really hurt me. Yeah I think I'm going to follow your advice and stop saying hi. Thank you (:
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Lord_Voldy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Love hurts but you'll find that it's actually worth it, even the pain and the heartache and all the experiences.

The guy sounds like a **** but I admire the fact that you stuck with it and gave it a chance because you wanted to follow your heart, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

You learned a lot from this experience I'm sure, don't let it change you, you sound like a great person!
I hope it's worth it, I put in a lot of effort with him and it was all for nothing. Nah, I won't let it change it..I just need some time to get back to being fully me again! Aww thank you so much, that comment means a lot (:
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