Would you class this as cheating? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
A few weeks ago my fiancé told me he was going to the cinema with one of his guy friends. I've just found out that he actually went with his ex girlfriend. I asked him about it and he told me he would tell me the whole truth and they had held hands during the film. He said she tried to kiss him and asked him to go to her house but he refused.

He promised me he was telling the truth about just holding hands. But even so I'm very upset about even that. Am I being pathetic? We're getting married very soon and I'm scared I'm making a mistake.

Also I found out from her that he didn't tell her we were getting married. But he's promised me that he did tell her.

I'm just so confused and upset, even about the holding hands I just don't get why he lied about who he was going with. I did say to him if he wants to meet her it's fine as long as he's honest with me.
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ElChapo
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A few weeks ago my fiancé told me he was going to the cinema with one of his guy friends. I've just found out that he actually went with his ex girlfriend. I asked him about it and he told me he would tell me the whole truth and they had held hands during the film. He said she tried to kiss him and asked him to go to her house but he refused.

He promised me he was telling the truth about just holding hands. But even so I'm very upset about even that. Am I being pathetic? We're getting married very soon and I'm scared I'm making a mistake.

Also I found out from her that he didn't tell her we were getting married. But he's promised me that he did tell her.

I'm just so confused and upset, even about the holding hands I just don't get why he lied about who he was going with. I did say to him if he wants to meet her it's fine as long as he's honest with me.
Sounds like he went on a date

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geoking
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#3
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Doesn't sound like marriage material.

My universal relationship advice in this, and many other situations:
Break up, get hammered, hit a strip club.
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Padwas
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#4
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#4
seems dodgy i would hold off the marriage for a bit
you need to fix trust issues
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Aniaa
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#5
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how close was his reaaltionship with this ex? Maybe its true they just went as old friends but still holding hands is a bit weird.
maybe try to meet up with your ex and see how your fiance reacts?
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Minion125
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#6
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As ElChapo said…and the worst thing is he actually lied to you about who he is going with. You only do it when your other half won't be okay with it and/or you're up to no good.

Why on earth would he need to hold hands with her? He could even be lying, they may have kissed and it might not have been her initiating it either…he's going to switch it around and warp the story so he doesn't look 'as bad'.

From my understanding you had to confront him about it? As in…he wasn't actually going to tell you anything if you hadn't?

I would have shown him the door straight away.
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ThatPerson
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A few weeks ago my fiancé told me he was going to the cinema with one of his guy friends. I've just found out that he actually went with his ex girlfriend. I asked him about it and he told me he would tell me the whole truth and they had held hands during the film. He said she tried to kiss him and asked him to go to her house but he refused.

He promised me he was telling the truth about just holding hands. But even so I'm very upset about even that. Am I being pathetic? We're getting married very soon and I'm scared I'm making a mistake.

Also I found out from her that he didn't tell her we were getting married. But he's promised me that he did tell her.

I'm just so confused and upset, even about the holding hands I just don't get why he lied about who he was going with. I did say to him if he wants to meet her it's fine as long as he's honest with me.
I don't think your being pathetic. I also think there is something that he isn't telling you, otherwise there was nothing to gain by lying. People only lie when it works to their benefit.

The main thing here is, even if he refused to go home with the girl and didn't do anything, why would he lie, and did he invite him or did she invite him?
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Tiger Rag
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#8
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Sounds odd that he lied to you - unless he has something to hide.
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martin jol
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#9
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the trust has been broken, don't marry this lying douchebaaaaaaag
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efbrewster
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#10
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#10
YES the fact he has LIED to you means that he is very capable of doing it again and again. He is definitely not marriage material. He is thinking about another girl! I doubt that he didn't lead her on a bit throughout the film (date) to make her try to kiss him.

Get out of there and find someone trustworthy!!

(It wasn't cheating but his behaviour is innappropriate considering he is your fiancee!)
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ilex_noemi
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#11
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#11
It would be massive alarm bells for me.
My ex told me that he was going for dinner with a friend. Months later I found out from his ex girlfriend who was jealous of me now being with him, that he was in fact at her house. After she got specific quoting a text message that I had sent him that night which he didn't reply to, he admitted he was there.
His story was that he went to get his stuff back, as we had only been together for a short time and she still had CDs etc of his...
She supposedly tried to kiss him on her sofa but he pushed her off and he promised me he was not near her room.
I tried to get over it but the story kept being added to over the space of a year! In the end, he admitted he was in her bedroom for most of the night (as her flatmates were home), she tried to kiss him more than once but he refused. Meanwhile, she still claimed it was more.
After this, more cheating rumours came to light which included other people, not just this ex girlfriend.

If it was really that innocent then he would not have lied to you. It is strange that he held hands with her, it probably was more to be honest.
Definitely hold off the wedding until you decide what you want to do. You need to rethink this relationship. He has totally disrespected you.
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emobambam
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#12
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#12
I don't think anybody should tolerate lying.lying is an act dishonesty.if he is willing to lie to you then what else is he capable of doing.marriage is all about trust.sounds like maybe he's not quite over his ex.yes I think it is cheating.
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DirtyHarry01
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#13
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Sounds like he is hiding something. I wouldnt say anything to break a relationship but its definitely not nothing, you should talk seriously about it because theres a chance this guy is sleaze.
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LM12345
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#14
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A few weeks ago my fiancé told me he was going to the cinema with one of his guy friends. I've just found out that he actually went with his ex girlfriend. I asked him about it and he told me he would tell me the whole truth and they had held hands during the film. He said she tried to kiss him and asked him to go to her house but he refused.

He promised me he was telling the truth about just holding hands. But even so I'm very upset about even that. Am I being pathetic? We're getting married very soon and I'm scared I'm making a mistake.

Also I found out from her that he didn't tell her we were getting married. But he's promised me that he did tell her.

I'm just so confused and upset, even about the holding hands I just don't get why he lied about who he was going with. I did say to him if he wants to meet her it's fine as long as he's honest with me.
going with his ex is fine, but the fact that he lied to you isn't!! Trust is really important.. just talk to him and if you have doubts, then maybe delay the marriage because you don't wanna marry someone you're not sure about!!
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Kvothe the Arcane
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#15
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#15
I don't think necessarily going out with an ex is cheating.

This isn't a romcom movies, things aren't so simple.
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Musie Suzie
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#16
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#16
I'm so sorry, but I think you should run a mile while you still can. It is extremely dodgy that he lied about seeing her in the first place, especially as you told him you wouldn't mind as long as you knew beforehand. As others have said, he could easily be lying about them only having held hands, but of course it could also be true...

Anyway, speculation aside, we know he lied to you about seeing his ex. We know they held hands. Both of those things suggest to me that he still has feelings for/a bond with her. Holding hands is affectionate; not sexual, which suggests to me that some level of feelings are involved.

You need to decide if you're okay with that and how you want to proceed, if you want to remain in the relationship. Will you be able to trust him if you know he's seeing her again? Would you be happy at all about him seeing her? Would you prevent him from doing so if you could? If you answered no, no, yes, the trust is gone and you should end things. Other responses may be workable, depending on how you two try to move past this.

But you might find you're just wasting your time.

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arainyday
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#17
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#17
It would be okay meeting up with your ex for a catch up if you were still good friends, but the cinema? Holding hands? Plus the fact he lied to you about who he was going with, I wouldn't trust him! And if his ex still wants to be with him then he shouldn't really see her either as it would make it worse. Ask him why he was trying to hide it by lying to you!
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nicatre
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#18
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Better get you sword ready because the awks are a'comin'.
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SkinnyKat
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#19
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#19
Seems like a suspicious sitiuation to me. First, he lied and then it turns out he held hands with her? Personally, I would not tolerate a fiance holding hands with an ex. Remember that this man is supposed to be your husband soon, presumably the person you'll spend the rest of your life with. If there are alarm bells ringing now (and there should be) then should you be marrying him? His behaviour isn't that of a man in love and ready to commit to one woman forever.
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Nerd2
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#20
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#20
Does anyone think this more odd than the OP seems to think. They're about to get married, but he decides a date with his ex-girlfriend is a good idea? LOL
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