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Would you feel emotionally betrayed?
I split with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. We'd been together for two years and she was the one to end it. While we were together she met this guy who she saw socially on a few occasions. I never suspected anything was going on and I don't think anything happened between them when we were together. However she would talk about him quite alot and spent a fair bit of time with him.
Like I said we only seperated a few weeks ago and she has since slept with this guy. Afterwards she really regretted it and has said she might want to get back together. If she hadn't been with the other guy I'd say yes straight away. But the problem is, it now seems obvious that she had feelings for him while we were still together. Would you feel emotionaly betrayed by this, even though she never technically cheated on me? I mean if we did get back together I don't know if I could trust her seeing other men without suspecting an ulterior motive.
Also I am quite jealous and am hurt that she would do this so soon after we split up.
How would you feel/what would you do in this situation, bearing in mind that before I found out about this I was desperate to get back with her?
Like I said we only seperated a few weeks ago and she has since slept with this guy. Afterwards she really regretted it and has said she might want to get back together. If she hadn't been with the other guy I'd say yes straight away. But the problem is, it now seems obvious that she had feelings for him while we were still together. Would you feel emotionaly betrayed by this, even though she never technically cheated on me? I mean if we did get back together I don't know if I could trust her seeing other men without suspecting an ulterior motive.
Also I am quite jealous and am hurt that she would do this so soon after we split up.
How would you feel/what would you do in this situation, bearing in mind that before I found out about this I was desperate to get back with her?
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Reply 1
Don't give her a second chance. She has proved that she can't be trusted and could have been cheating on you. She showed how much she valued your relationship by getting invloved with this other guy and sleeping with him so soon after breaking up with you. Although it will be difficult I think the best option you have is to try to move on and find someone who is worthy of your attention.
Reply 2
hmm, i don't know...
if you think they didn't do anything while you guys were together, it does look like she just split with you to see how things may be with this other guy. so technically not cheating, but i know it must feel like it.
people make mistakes, we're all human. do you think if you got back together, you could forget this and be able to move on with your lives? do you trust her?
how old are you? do you see your relationship lasting for a long time?
have you got a gut feeling towards one side?
sorry, loads of questions, but i think they're all worth considering before you make you decision.
good luck!
xxxx
if you think they didn't do anything while you guys were together, it does look like she just split with you to see how things may be with this other guy. so technically not cheating, but i know it must feel like it.
people make mistakes, we're all human. do you think if you got back together, you could forget this and be able to move on with your lives? do you trust her?
how old are you? do you see your relationship lasting for a long time?
have you got a gut feeling towards one side?
sorry, loads of questions, but i think they're all worth considering before you make you decision.
good luck!
xxxx
Reply 3
10
You can't accuse her of doing anything wrong, she didn't, you were broken up...i can understand you must hate the ides but it was probably her vision of getting over you and moving on...it didn't, she can't get over you and wants you back.
Talk about it, ask why she did it, if she'd be faithful ect ect
Of course I don't know how you broke up...this could change my answer
Talk about it, ask why she did it, if she'd be faithful ect ect
Of course I don't know how you broke up...this could change my answer
Reply 4
I'm afraid I have to tell you that if you get back together again with her it could only be a certain matter of time before she finds someone else and she leaves you again. And even if this is not true why take the risk? You don't want to become the guy she goes back to everytime things don't work out with someone else.
Reply 5
Amnesia
She has proved that she can't be trusted
How did she prove that?
Unless they agreed that they wouldn't sleep with other people for a certain amount of time after the break-up, then no trust was broken. When you're not in a relationship with someone, then it's not a violation of trust to sleep with someone else. Unless you lie about it.
Reply 6
more adventurous
How did she prove that?
Unless they agreed that they wouldn't sleep with other people for a certain amount of time after the break-up, then no trust was broken. When you're not in a relationship with someone, then it's not a violation of trust to sleep with someone else. Unless you lie about it.
Unless they agreed that they wouldn't sleep with other people for a certain amount of time after the break-up, then no trust was broken. When you're not in a relationship with someone, then it's not a violation of trust to sleep with someone else. Unless you lie about it.
But maybe she broke up with him just to be with the other guy. Is that acceptable? It's like there is a loop hole in the whole cheating thing.
I mean, you can't break up with people to be with someone else and then come back like nothing happened as there is a great chance this will happen later and after all, we are all human with feelings.
Reply 7
more adventurous
How did she prove that?
Unless they agreed that they wouldn't sleep with other people for a certain amount of time after the break-up, then no trust was broken. When you're not in a relationship with someone, then it's not a violation of trust to sleep with someone else. Unless you lie about it.
Unless they agreed that they wouldn't sleep with other people for a certain amount of time after the break-up, then no trust was broken. When you're not in a relationship with someone, then it's not a violation of trust to sleep with someone else. Unless you lie about it.
It seems quite clear that she broke up with him in order to pursue a relationship with this other guy. She could have even been cheating on him, as the OP has said that she talked about him a lot and spent a lot of time with him. Even if she was not cheating it is clear that she developed feelings for the other guy otherwise she would not have slept with him so quickly. Like the last poster said she can't jsut leave him everytime she fancies someone else and then get back together again when it does not work out. In my opinion a rule of thumb is that is there is any chance of cheating or if she dumps you then she is going to have to do something very special to have a second chance.
Reply 8
cinder
You can't accuse her of doing anything wrong, she didn't, you were broken up...i can understand you must hate the ides but it was probably her vision of getting over you and moving on...it didn't, she can't get over you and wants you back.
Talk about it, ask why she did it, if she'd be faithful ect ect
Of course I don't know how you broke up...this could change my answer
Talk about it, ask why she did it, if she'd be faithful ect ect
Of course I don't know how you broke up...this could change my answer
Exactly she hasnt done anything wrong you were broken up,
its horrible yes but you dont know her state of mind when she slept with him
Reply 9
Thanks for the responses guys.
It's not that I think she did anything 'wrong'. I know she didn't technically cheat on me. But we had a very intense two year relationship of which we lived together for one year and spent nearly every day together.
It's the fact that she was obviously interested in this guy before we split up that makes me feel betrayed, and the speed with which she moved on (it's only been a few weeks). It's not like she formed a relationship with him after we'd seperated, she basically saw him a lot while we together, then visited him and slept with him one time after we'd split. It's the kindof psychological betrayal when we were together that hurts. I am jealous but I know I can't hold that against her since we were seperated at the time.
I sort of agree with Amnesia's view but I think if I could trust her and get over my jealousy I'd want to give it another go because I still love her. But obviously I don't want to be walked all over either.
If it matters she basically ended it because she wasn't happy with the state of our relationship, we'd become more like friends than boyfriend and girlfriend. It sort of ended with a whimper rather than a definite, final reason.
It's not that I think she did anything 'wrong'. I know she didn't technically cheat on me. But we had a very intense two year relationship of which we lived together for one year and spent nearly every day together.
It's the fact that she was obviously interested in this guy before we split up that makes me feel betrayed, and the speed with which she moved on (it's only been a few weeks). It's not like she formed a relationship with him after we'd seperated, she basically saw him a lot while we together, then visited him and slept with him one time after we'd split. It's the kindof psychological betrayal when we were together that hurts. I am jealous but I know I can't hold that against her since we were seperated at the time.
I sort of agree with Amnesia's view but I think if I could trust her and get over my jealousy I'd want to give it another go because I still love her. But obviously I don't want to be walked all over either.
If it matters she basically ended it because she wasn't happy with the state of our relationship, we'd become more like friends than boyfriend and girlfriend. It sort of ended with a whimper rather than a definite, final reason.
Reply 10
Anonymous
If it matters she basically ended it because she wasn't happy with the state of our relationship, we'd become more like friends than boyfriend and girlfriend. It sort of ended with a whimper rather than a definite, final reason.
I know that you probably still have feelings for her but if she ended it I don't think you should get back together with her. Once she categorises you into that 'friend' zone it is very difficult to get out of it. What evidence is there that if you get back together this won't happen again? And will you be able to trust her again after she developed what must have been quite strong feelings for someone else? Don't give into her advances easily and act indifferent to her. If you do 'have' to get back together with her makesure that she is literally begging on her knees.
Reply 11
technically she didn't cheat on you so you shouldn't feel betrayed but relationships aren't technical! i think she should have waited a while just to be respectful to you and the relationship you shared before she jumped for other interests, especially as she knew this guy so it wasn't just like some randomer she met after you split.
you are totally allowed to feel betrayed, i know i would. I always say that exes are exes for a reason and people should almost never go back to their exes.
you both obviously still love each other because you spent so long together and it wasn't a big break up, but the love is not as gf/bf, probably more as friends and because you have shared so much with each other.
you are totally allowed to feel betrayed, i know i would. I always say that exes are exes for a reason and people should almost never go back to their exes.
you both obviously still love each other because you spent so long together and it wasn't a big break up, but the love is not as gf/bf, probably more as friends and because you have shared so much with each other.
Reply 12
We've now agreed to tentatively 'see eachother'. I think this will be a good chance to test the waters and see if I can can get over it and trust her and if not I can easily get out of any commitment and still have some sex in the process. Win.
Reply 13
Maybe her intention wasn't to have sex with this guy, but to hurt you (revenge, hostility, testing your reaction/trust?) and hurting you was more of a priority than not doing something she clearly didn't enjoy that much.
Reply 14
Just say no. If she kicks you to the curb after two years for a quick shag that she then regretted, it wouldn't last much longer anyway. And smash her in the face while you're at it, for being a scraggy hoe.
Reply 15
generalebriety
Maybe her intention wasn't to have sex with this guy, but to hurt you (revenge, hostility, testing your reaction/trust?) and hurting you was more of a priority than not doing something she clearly didn't enjoy that much.
Nah I don't think it's like that, I think she just wanted to prove to herself that she was this independant woman type would could live free and have casual sex. Only it didn't turn out as she imagined. I do feel messed around though so I'm not going to commit anything like I did before until I am certain I can trust her and she really shows it. I'm not going to be walked all over.
Reply 16
DanGrover
Just say no. If she kicks you to the curb after two years for a quick shag that she then regretted, it wouldn't last much longer anyway. And smash her in the face while you're at it, for being a scraggy hoe.
Is this sarcasm? I honestly can't tell. If it's not, it would work very well as sarcasm too.
Reply 17
Anonymous
We've now agreed to tentatively 'see eachother'.
It seems like you give her too much control. Remember she split up with you not the other way around. Now she wants to get back together with you after sleeping with someone else you have immediately given in to her. You have to stand up for yourself.
Reply 18
Amnesia
It seems like you give her too much control. Remember she split up with you not the other way around. Now she wants to get back together with you after sleeping with someone else you have immediately given in to her. You have to stand up for yourself.
Stand up for himself? He clearly loves her (who doesn't love their ex?) and she's the one asking to get back with him as she regretted having sex with the other guy. Maybe she still loves him too. Love + love = relationship, regardless of what's happened before - millions of couples go through affairs and other things that could break them up in times of difficulty, but shrug them off, and end up as happy as ever - if not more wise and more scared of ever doing something so stupid again.
Reply 19
generalebriety
Is this sarcasm? I honestly can't tell. If it's not, it would work very well as sarcasm too.
The sound advice wasn't. The recommendation to begin domestic abuse was.
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