Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Real talk: are most people relationship cheats? watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    In terms of a fair and objective judgment on both genders. Do the vast majority of people have the tendency to cheat? It seems as though everyone my age (22) has been cheated on at some point. An exaggeration obviously, but it is like there is not even a point to having a relationship anymore.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I think a majority of people (male and female) have at some point been tempted to do so, but most have not actually done it. It's quite normal to be tempted, monogamy isn't an absolutely natural state for many people.

    One issue is, at a fairly young age, some people (male and female) have a lot of relationships. A lot of the people who have a lot of relationships do so because they are 'having fun' whilst young and so will flit from one to the next, cheating merrily along the way. Of course, not every partner is of the same mind. So one person might cheat on 5 different people in a relatively short space of time. It's well-known that some men and women attract sufficient numbers of people to be quite promiscuous in their youth, and of course the more temptation you have, and the higher you feel you have been placed on the pedestal of life, the more likely you'll be to act selfishly. The more you value a relationship, the less likely it is that you'll cheat.

    I don't think a majority of people have cheated, but it doesn't take a majority of cheaters for a majority to be affected by them. However, I would say that it's quite common to find a happy relationship without this kind of problem.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mr_Vain)
    In terms of a fair and objective judgment on both genders. Do the vast majority of people have the tendency to cheat? It seems as though everyone my age (22) has been cheated on at some point. An exaggeration obviously, but it is like there is not even a point to having a relationship anymore.
    If we're going on anecdotal evidence then only one of my friends has cheated and I don't think any have been cheated on.

    I cheated when I was 15/16 but I was a kid in an abusive relationship and thankfully learnt that you leave an unhappy relationship you don't cheat!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    To be honest, from what I've experienced (seen from friends around me, etc.) I think that most people are indeed relationship cheats.

    Tis a sad life
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I don't know... apparently 70% relationship must be where one partner at least cheats, but do people count watching porn as cheating to your partner?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I imagine all the stereotypical laddish males have, the football obsessed, party animal, talks about shagging "birds" all the time. One of my flatmates has a girlfriend and last night I coild hear him talking with his friend for over an hour about how he has shagged loads of "birds" since coming to university.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by russellsteapot)
    I think a majority of people (male and female) have at some point been tempted to do so, but most have not actually done it. It's quite normal to be tempted, monogamy isn't an absolutely natural state for many people.

    One issue is, at a fairly young age, some people (male and female) have a lot of relationships. A lot of the people who have a lot of relationships do so because they are 'having fun' whilst young and so will flit from one to the next, cheating merrily along the way. Of course, not every partner is of the same mind. So one person might cheat on 5 different people in a relatively short space of time. It's well-known that some men and women attract sufficient numbers of people to be quite promiscuous in their youth, and of course the more temptation you have, and the higher you feel you have been placed on the pedestal of life, the more likely you'll be to act selfishly. The more you value a relationship, the less likely it is that you'll cheat.

    I don't think a majority of people have cheated, but it doesn't take a majority of cheaters for a majority to be affected by them. However, I would say that it's quite common to find a happy relationship without this kind of problem.
    Can't they just have casual sex relationships then instead of messing people's lives up? I really do not mean to sound conceited but i can easily get sex from many different women but i would not get into a relationship with them if i do not feel i am in love with them (as cheesy as that sounds). I have been placed on the pedestal myself in university especially, but i would never cheat on a girl because i would not get into a committed relationship with her without very good reason to do so.

    I have had one serious relationship in my life (years ago now) and i got cheated on (knew her for 15 years, was in a relationship for 2, best friend at the time was the 'other guy') and i have been very avoidant of emotional relationships since.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    It depends whether X person was dating X people, if it's dating it's not a proper relationship. I'd count it as cheating if X person in a confirmed relationship with another person was seeing another without them knowing.

    Also you're still quite young, at your age people won't take relationships as seriously as when they are in late 20s onwards. They could be after a bit of fun.

    It also depends on the circumstances - are they cheating because they want to be spiteful, or are they in an abusive relationship or a loveless one they can't be bothered to finish?

    People should just declare their intentions (long term or flings) and see how it goes.

    I don't think most people are relationship cheats though, hardly anyone I know has cheated.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    I think it's a problem which is more prevelant in the UK then the other countries I've lived in or regularly visit. I know it may come across as a stupid point as cheating isn't exclusive to a nation, but I've found cheating is far more common among my social circle and friends at uni here then it was when I was living abroad or with my friends abroad. I think this may also be influenced by the fact that my first girlfriend and I were best friends for most of our lives and dated for quite some time without any problems, but the first girlfriend I got in the UK slept around behind my back:confused:

    I don't know where I'm going with this point, but yeah... It is what it is.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mr_Vain)
    Can't they just have casual sex relationships then instead of messing people's lives up? I really do not mean to sound conceited but i can easily get sex from many different women but i would not get into a relationship with them if i do not feel i am in love with them (as cheesy as that sounds). I have been placed on the pedestal myself in university especially, but i would never cheat on a girl because i would not get into a committed relationship with her without very good reason to do so.
    I think people like this probably should, but society is geared for relationships, and casual sex is almost invariably viewed negatively by wider society and also quite difficult to get in any reliable sense, either due to availability or emotional attachment of one/both parties. So people enter relationships because it's the normal thing. It's quite easy to find a **** buddy, quite difficult to find one who won't want a relationship. Some people won't want sex until several dates in. People don't wander around with a sign saying "I want casual sex", and it's an awkward question to ask. The alternative to the hard work and expense of going out and possibly picking up a different man/woman in a club every night is a poor relationship, which is what lots of people end up in. Perhaps some people want the emotional support of a relationship but can't commit to it. There's also those who like the excitement, the challenge, the danger, who use it to improve their self esteem, etc.

    At the same time, a lot of people who complain about being cheated on are fully aware of what their partner is like, yet enter into the relationship anyway (you see them on here quite often - "he/she broke up with his/her partner after cheating on him/her with me, but he/she won't cheat on me!"). If someone becomes emotionally attached to someone who is not emotionally attached to them and has a rather 'free-loving' past with 10 partners in the last six months, I wonder if they should open their eyes a bit wider. I think a lot of people who say they have been cheated on were probably only ever in casual/unofficial relationships in the eyes of the other person.

    I should stress that I'm not making excuses for cheaters, indeed I find it a loathesome problem and a sign of a weak mind and poor socialisation. But I do think it's only a minority of people who are like this. It's easy to become disillusioned with relationships after being cheated on, and to hear that everyone does it, but in my experience the majority of people do not. It's just unfortunate that every relationship offers the risk.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    When you enter the dating scene, and start seeking long-term commitments, you risk heartbreak and hurt, but by closing yourself off you miss out on the great relationships. I'd say that some people will cheat, but there are many more who wouldn't think of it. As for why, I suppose people can stray for a lot of reasons (not that it absolves them of their actions, of course); from feeling unloved, to being deeply attached to another person, to just being immature. Some people might be insecure and long for as much sexual/romantic validation as possible. Other times, people have just made some mistakes and they do come to regret them, it's just a matter then of whether or not they bother to learn anything afterwards.

    As said by someone else, there's usually a warning sign or two that comes with a serial cheater; usually they have a dating history which regularly involves unfaithfulness. And yes, it would be wise not to ignore that sign (but when you're infatuated, and they seem so romantic, it's easy to tell yourself they'll be different this time..). And a lot of people also make excuses for their partner's unfaithfulness; I've lost track of the number of girls who actually try to blame it entirely on that "little slut", as though their boyfriend couldn't make his own choices. This really doesn't help things, it just teaches the person that what they've done is OK, and they're probably more likely to try it again. It's common for someone who has been cheated on to blame themselves. Which is a shame, since you have no control over how another person will act, and cheating is born out of an internal issue within them. It would be nice if people who were unsatisfied with the relationship would talk about it, or at least let you go in a graceful way, rather than keeping it going while they venture behind your back, but not everyone has that courage. I'd just say that there's a number of reasons why someone might cheat, and when you're still trying to find the right partner, you'll likely cross ways with a few wrong ones.

    Where it gets more infuriating is when you have someone who knowingly strings another person along, like a 'safety net' to fall back on if they can't obtain another partner (whom they deem superior, for whatever reason). I know a few guys like this, actually. They really are insecure (and deeply selfish), usually sullen drunks, and tend not to consider other people's feelings if it's an inconvenience to them. These are the sort of people who take advantage of the naive and sensitive and insecure, and tend to squirm like a leech on a hot pan when called out on their behavior.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I can sadly say most people I meet have cheated in a relationship, I always hear of people getting cheated on, they break up but soon get back together and will eventually cheat again. I've been cheated on once, but I'm not the forgiving type so I never went back, I'm certain I made the right call.

    I myself have never cheated, if a relationship isn't working and there's nothing to change that, it's better to just end it. This will hurt, but a whole lot less than getting cheated on. Although I've only been in a few relationships, I'm incredibly picky when it comes to a good personality.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I don't cheat! :eek4: I did get accused of cheating once though. A ridiculous dealbreaker. Even when I'm 22 I still won't cheat. Not ever. :noway: Love is love. :heart: If it's not love, end it. Simple. :yes:

    And no, not everyone cheats. A lot do though, sadly. Karma will ***** slap those people, seriously.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Drawbridge_Drew)
    When you enter the dating scene, and start seeking long-term commitments, you risk heartbreak and hurt, but by closing yourself off you miss out on the great relationships. I'd say that some people will cheat, but there are many more who wouldn't think of it. As for why, I suppose people can stray for a lot of reasons (not that it absolves them of their actions, of course); from feeling unloved, to being deeply attached to another person, to just being immature. Some people might be insecure and long for as much sexual/romantic validation as possible. Other times, people have just made some mistakes and they do come to regret them, it's just a matter then of whether or not they bother to learn anything afterwards.

    As said by someone else, there's usually a warning sign or two that comes with a serial cheater; usually they have a dating history which regularly involves unfaithfulness. And yes, it would be wise not to ignore that sign (but when you're infatuated, and they seem so romantic, it's easy to tell yourself they'll be different this time..). And a lot of people also make excuses for their partner's unfaithfulness; I've lost track of the number of girls who actually try to blame it entirely on that "little slut", as though their boyfriend couldn't make his own choices. This really doesn't help things, it just teaches the person that what they've done is OK, and they're probably more likely to try it again. It's common for someone who has been cheated on to blame themselves. Which is a shame, since you have no control over how another person will act, and cheating is born out of an internal issue within them. It would be nice if people who were unsatisfied with the relationship would talk about it, or at least let you go in a graceful way, rather than keeping it going while they venture behind your back, but not everyone has that courage. I'd just say that there's a number of reasons why someone might cheat, and when you're still trying to find the right partner, you'll likely cross ways with a few wrong ones.

    Where it gets more infuriating is when you have someone who knowingly strings another person along, like a 'safety net' to fall back on if they can't obtain another partner (whom they deem superior, for whatever reason). I know a few guys like this, actually. They really are insecure (and deeply selfish), usually sullen drunks, and tend not to consider other people's feelings if it's an inconvenience to them. These are the sort of people who take advantage of the naive and sensitive and insecure, and tend to squirm like a leech on a hot pan when called out on their behavior.
    Guys? Women are just as selfish. Personally, i would rather cheat than be cheated on. Emotional attachment really sucks, i had one bad relationship years ago and that scared me way off, it's just too serious in terms of potential trauma. We're young people, we can do without that.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Funkcase)
    I can sadly say most people I meet have cheated in a relationship, I always hear of people getting cheated on, they break up but soon get back together and will eventually cheat again. I've been cheated on once, but I'm not the forgiving type so I never went back, I'm certain I made the right call.

    I myself have never cheated, if a relationship isn't working and there's nothing to change that, it's better to just end it. This will hurt, but a whole lot less than getting cheated on. Although I've only been in a few relationships, I'm incredibly picky when it comes to a good personality.

    Posted from TSR Mobile

    I think with cheating , it is the mental and physical revulsion at having been cheated on. Mentally: obvious reasons. But physical revulsion: the fact that you know your partner has gone back to you and was intimate with you after having been with other people. That is the real physically disgusting part of the betrayal. I got cheated on once, threw out all reminders of the girl in question and never spoke to her again.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mr_Vain)
    Guys? Women are just as selfish. Personally, i would rather cheat than be cheated on. Emotional attachment really sucks, i had one bad relationship years ago and that scared me way off, it's just too serious in terms of potential trauma. We're young people, we can do without that.
    Yeah, I know, I was just speaking from my own experience there (I spend more time with all-guy groups, so I'm more versed in how they behave behind the scenes). But people, as a rule, can be selfish, it's not a gender thing. It's best just to learn to identify toxic behavior and remove yourself from the person when the signs appear. Like I said, when you open your heart for love, you also open it to hurt. But if you close off completely, then you miss so much more.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    By the time you get to a certain age, yes.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    :dontknow: Never cheated, never would.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    If I could get away with it, I'll probably be tempted.

    Whether I'll carry on with it is a different matter.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Eva.Gregoria)
    If I could get away with it, I'll probably be tempted.

    Whether I'll carry on with it is a different matter.

    Posted from TSR Mobile

    But you're asexual , you said yourself ?

    Anyway, if the whole cheating scene is anything to go by, it just goes to prove that getting casual sex is easy for the majority of people, and that if the regular guy cannot get it then it is usually very much to do with how they look/social ineptness. Plus, you hear of some middle aged me in their 40's and sometimes above having affairs with younger girls 18-30 quite frequently. Sex? Easy to get. A loyal partner? Much more difficult.
 
 
 
Poll
Do you like carrot cake?
Useful resources
AtCTs

Ask the Community Team

Got a question about the site content or our moderation? Ask here.

Welcome Lounge

Welcome Lounge

We're a friendly bunch. Post here if you're new to TSR.

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.