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Should I tell my boyfriend I have polycystic ovary syndrome? watch

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    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 5 months. I was diagnosed with PCOS over a year ago and I am wondering whether to tell him. I am extremely self-conscious about my body, in particular the acne, hairiness and excess weight associated with PCOS. My symptoms are quite mild compared to a lot of people with the condition, but it's still enough to really bother me. Also I have really small breasts (barely a B), which is likely to be related to the PCOS, and I am even more self-conscious about that. I wear push-up bras which helps, but they still look quite small and it means he will have to find out they are even smaller than that! I sometimes feel so insecure about this stuff that I don't let him touch me in particular places and when he asks me why I say it's because I feel fat etc. Even when he just puts his hand up my back I sometimes say don't because it's hairy or spotty which I know sounds ridiculous. I wish I wasn't so insecure about stuff. He has been quite patient about it up until now, but is starting to suggest that we go further with things which makes me feel rather worried. I am nervous about stuff like this anyway because it is my first relationship, but this makes it worse. I have already told him that I have a hormonal imbalance, but he says that's not very specific and I don't know whether to tell him the full story. I also told him that a lot of people take the pill to help with the symptoms, but I haven't because of the risks. I might end up doing that anyway. I trust him and sort of want to tell him because it would explain a lot and might make him understand how I feel. But I am worried about how he will react. The thing that worries me the most is the fact that people with PCOS often have fertility issues. I know it's not impossible to have children, and there are treatments which can help, but it is common for people with PCOS to have difficulty conceiving. The main thing I want out of my life is to have children and I know he wants children too so this might put him off me. If we did by any chance have a future together, I don't know whether it's better to be honest about it, or wait and see if I do have problems and then explain, because otherwise he might be half expecting there to be problems from the start. Thank you in advance for any advice.
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    Definitely let him know. If it affects how he feels about you then he was never worth your breath. Coming from somebody whose girlfriend has PCOS!
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    Yeah tell him. It'll help him understand. It's a condition just like anything else. You'd tell him if you had diabetes or epilepsy wouldn't you? Indeed it's not impossible to conceive, I know. Mrs moonkatt has PCOS and we have a healthy 15 month old. It just took a bit longer than most.
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    Of all of the people I know with PCOS (it's surprisingly common) only one can't have children. Most find that, although it takes longer, they can absolutely do it .

    Although if it's a medical condition, I'd say to absolutely let your boyfriend know, because if you're together you should be supporting each other through things like that!
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    You really need to talk it through with him, it will help him understand your insecurities and that way he can help you overcome them.

    Also the risks of the pill are minimal I would discuss it thoroughly with a Dr before deciding either way on that one!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 5 months. I was diagnosed with PCOS over a year ago and I am wondering whether to tell him. I am extremely self-conscious about my body, in particular the acne, hairiness and excess weight associated with PCOS. My symptoms are quite mild compared to a lot of people with the condition, but it's still enough to really bother me. Also I have really small breasts (barely a B), which is likely to be related to the PCOS, and I am even more self-conscious about that. I wear push-up bras which helps, but they still look quite small and it means he will have to find out they are even smaller than that! I sometimes feel so insecure about this stuff that I don't let him touch me in particular places and when he asks me why I say it's because I feel fat etc. Even when he just puts his hand up my back I sometimes say don't because it's hairy or spotty which I know sounds ridiculous. I wish I wasn't so insecure about stuff. He has been quite patient about it up until now, but is starting to suggest that we go further with things which makes me feel rather worried. I am nervous about stuff like this anyway because it is my first relationship, but this makes it worse. I have already told him that I have a hormonal imbalance, but he says that's not very specific and I don't know whether to tell him the full story. I also told him that a lot of people take the pill to help with the symptoms, but I haven't because of the risks. I might end up doing that anyway. I trust him and sort of want to tell him because it would explain a lot and might make him understand how I feel. But I am worried about how he will react. The thing that worries me the most is the fact that people with PCOS often have fertility issues. I know it's not impossible to have children, and there are treatments which can help, but it is common for people with PCOS to have difficulty conceiving. The main thing I want out of my life is to have children and I know he wants children too so this might put him off me. If we did by any chance have a future together, I don't know whether it's better to be honest about it, or wait and see if I do have problems and then explain, because otherwise he might be half expecting there to be problems from the start. Thank you in advance for any advice.
    I would wait to tell him. If I heard something like this but had only been going out for that long, like you say, I might be put off. I'm not trying to hurt you but that's how he will react. And as you've only been going out for 5 months, that's a bit early to be thinking of having kids. Anyway, if you want to have kids, there are other ways of getting kids e.g. adoption. So if you can't conceive, it's not the end of the world . Probably tell a white lie and tell him that you don't feel comfortable yet etc. In my experience, I was a little pushy to do stuff with my ex but didn't mean to be and he may end up being a little pushy too but if he does, tell him not to as he should respect how you feel. Only tell him when you've been out for a while like a year or so, when you're both secure with each other and then I'm sure he will be understanding and will support you through it.

    I hope I've gave you a good enough perspective to help you
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    I have a medical issue which causes much bigger issues with having children than PCOS does as well as PCOS so I'm basically scewed and my boyfriend didn't care. He also didn't care one bit about the barely existent boobs because he liked me for me. Plus I have quite an amazing bum and I think he's a bum man so that helps. I told him basically straight away after we first met and it didn't put him off.

    I'm sure your boyfriend will not care one bit about your PCOS. It'd be really better to tell him so he can support you and understand your feelings.
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    I have PCOS and it is quite "serious", I mean there are a lot of symptoms involved, and yeah, this includes hairiness. I'm taking the pill but this doesn't help much - the most important thing it does for me is allowing me to have a menstrual period which I would otherwise get maybe twice a year. Anyway it is a "light" one, not specific for hormonal imbalance, so probably there are better choices if you're willing to try.

    Anyway when I've started dating my bf I didn't even know I have PCOS (...but I knew I was more hairy than other people), the only thing I do is take care of my body as much as possible (mostly waxing regularly), but he is supportive when I don't look the best because he knows that it's harder for me than other people.
    Besides that there are things that are never gonna fix completely, but I hope he - or any other potential bf I'll meet - can live with that.

    Don't be too worried about having children. If the problem is just hormonal (as in my case and yours) and there is no other problem, a hormonal treatment will probably be effective.
    I have taken those hormonal pills they give women who are trying to get pregnant (prescribed by my gynaecologist for the lack of period) for a few months years ago, and I can definitely tell you that I felt they made me potentially fertile.
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    Tell him.
    He'll be glad you can trust him with that.
    Since you havent been together long I wouldn't go all out and mention fertility. I doubt many males think that far ahead.
    And in regards to that, my mam has it and has 3 children so I wouldnt ever let that worry you. And surprisingly enough the pill might just help. Yes there are risks, as there is with any medication. And I'm sure you've taken paracetamol and ibuprofen before!
    Just tell your boyfriend and tell him that you may feel insecure at times but with his support you'll move forward in your relationship. You never know until you talk about it. Its daft how many people have worries and dont talk to their partners about it. The worry and doubt can cause rifts.
    A PCOS diagnosis doesnt have to be life shattering. And there many out there with it who get on just fine!
    Hope all goes well

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    You should first tell him what it is without dramatising it and then tell him you have it.

    He may or may not know what it is and it isn't unusual for someone to not know what it is.
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    Absolutely. This is relation breaking stuff and he has a right to know. It also tests his devotion to you and see if it is true love
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    (Original post by deviant182)
    Tell him.
    He'll be glad you can trust him with that.
    Since you havent been together long I wouldn't go all out and mention fertility. I doubt many males think that far ahead.
    And in regards to that, my mam has it and has 3 children so I wouldnt ever let that worry you. And surprisingly enough the pill might just help. Yes there are risks, as there is with any medication. And I'm sure you've taken paracetamol and ibuprofen before!
    Just tell your boyfriend and tell him that you may feel insecure at times but with his support you'll move forward in your relationship. You never know until you talk about it. Its daft how many people have worries and dont talk to their partners about it. The worry and doubt can cause rifts.
    A PCOS diagnosis doesnt have to be life shattering. And there many out there with it who get on just fine!
    Hope all goes well

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    Why don't you think I should mention fertility? He will probably google it after and see that most sites say it is a major cause of infertility and I want to reassure him that this is only the minority of cases and most people can get pregnant, but might take longer or perhaps need treatment.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have PCOS and it is quite "serious", I mean there are a lot of symptoms involved, and yeah, this includes hairiness. I'm taking the pill but this doesn't help much - the most important thing it does for me is allowing me to have a menstrual period which I would otherwise get maybe twice a year. Anyway it is a "light" one, not specific for hormonal imbalance, so probably there are better choices if you're willing to try.

    Anyway when I've started dating my bf I didn't even know I have PCOS (...but I knew I was more hairy than other people), the only thing I do is take care of my body as much as possible (mostly waxing regularly), but he is supportive when I don't look the best because he knows that it's harder for me than other people.
    Besides that there are things that are never gonna fix completely, but I hope he - or any other potential bf I'll meet - can live with that.

    Don't be too worried about having children. If the problem is just hormonal (as in my case and yours) and there is no other problem, a hormonal treatment will probably be effective.
    I have taken those hormonal pills they give women who are trying to get pregnant (prescribed by my gynaecologist for the lack of period) for a few months years ago, and I can definitely tell you that I felt they made me potentially fertile.
    Hi, which pill are you on? The doctor mentioned dianette, but I am worried about it as this one is the most risky. There is apparently more chance of blood clots etc. My periods are not that bad actually. They used to be late every month which made me get it checked out but now it seems to around every month and if I take the pill it might mess up my cycle again. Even though that side of things seems to be improving my other symptoms such as the acne and hairiness seems to be getting worse. So I don't know if it's worth taking medication that has serious side effects just to get rid of that. I don't know what to do about that really.
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    Im not sure how long you have been together or of your age. And most men arent too bothered about fertility or even think about it until they're completely ready to settle down. So by all means mention it if you're at that stage. Just dont go scaring him if you arent by making him think you're desperate for babies or something!

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    I'm on Qlaira. I don't like it very much (it's quadri-phasic, which to me just sounds fancy and ridiculous), but when I moved in the UK from my home country I was already on the pill (a monophasic one), and this was the most similar that could be found in the UK.
    It has the same principles as the one I was taking back home, which is the most important thing, as they seem to suit my body (I never got headaches or anything, just some minor problems in the first 2 months).

    I have to admit I do get a little worried, mostly about blood clots, but I still prefer it this way - I know not having a period can be good in some ways but NEVER getting one was definitely making me feel there was something wrong with my body.
    I feel I'm not ready yet to switch to a "heavier" one, though I'd love to get rid of some of the hairiness, but I don't know. I've only started taking the pill in August, so I wanna see how my body reacts for a few months more.
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    (Original post by deviant182)
    Im not sure how long you have been together or of your age. And most men arent too bothered about fertility or even think about it until they're completely ready to settle down. So by all means mention it if you're at that stage. Just dont go scaring him if you arent by making him think you're desperate for babies or something!

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    I see what you mean. I could just casually mention it.
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    I think you should be honest with him - he may be wondering if there's a problem with him that leads you to not want to be intimate.

    Also, the benefits of the pill outweigh the risks, unless you have a family history of anything the pill can raise the risk of. Apart from that, isn't there specific hormone therapy available for PCOS?

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    I think you should tell him, and mention your insecurities. If he truly cares about you he won't give a damn.
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    I believe that you must tell him before your insecurities seriously confuse him and frustrate him, epecially if he doesn't understand. If he understands then it won't upset him as much. If you don't tell him then he'll think that you're being secretive, and if you keep making excuses for him not to touch you then he may get suspicious of you cheating. Sorry but it could happen. I think the psychological struggles on both sides are a million times worse than the reaction could or would ever be. If he doesn't accept you for the way you are then that's his problem, and he needs to take a hike. But if you two are seriously thinking about a future together then he has the right to know. I would want to know every little thing about my bf/gf so that I could appreciate the big and little things. Also if he doesn't find out until later then it may worry or upset him. He deserves to know and he can support and help you if he knows. But if he doesn't support you or accept you then like Jooooshy said, he's not worth your breath. But if he loves you then I'm sure he won't care at all until you actually try later on. If he loves you then he'll still be cool with you. So good luck with him and all the best.
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    (Original post by Jooooshy)
    Definitely let him know. If it affects how he feels about you then he was never worth your breath. Coming from somebody whose girlfriend has PCOS!
    :yes:
 
 
 
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